The Holiday Stroll was tonight. It was pretty fun. I always love the atmosphere. My head was elsewhere though. I've been struggling with forgiveness today. When people hurt you and your family it just takes so much time to heal. All I kept thinking today helping my mom and seing all his crap everywhere is how much I STRONGLY dislike him.

I'm wondering how this Christmas will go. My mom told me the other day never to get married on Christmas eve. I know we will probably never be able to listen to Jim Brickman anymore... so many things will be different. It's so hard watching my mom just hanging on. It's so hard for me to trust and forgive. Hard to love without being scared of being hurt. So hard to be myself when you don't want to let your guard down.

But I am still looking forward to the Christmas season, the lights, the music, the special services at church. Surprisingly even though I was feeling all of this, I did pretty well at keeping it in check. So I'm thankful to God for teaching me that when I focus on Him and ask for help, He truly can take my burdens.