Searching for Peace
amanda

I was supposed to meet with my advisor today regarding my desire to switch to the 2 year Associate's degree program. Of course he called in sick so now I will be contemplating my decision till friday. I wish I could make a decision and stick with it. How can a person have an overwhelming sense of peace one day then wake up the next in absolute doubt. Why do decisions have to be hard, and why do I make them so hard? I have prayed, I have fasted, I have made a pro's and con list, and again I face yet another decision where there is no clear answer, and no neccesarily bad option. I do not want to be here at BBC for four years but maybe God has something else in store. I'm not sure, but I want to make sure that I am doing what God wants which is difficult when nothing seems sure. I feel like I am in a dark space running to find light but there are two... and I am not sure which light will satisfy me the most. I am trying to not have thoughts that there might be people dissapointed in me... it's funny but the only people I know who seem dissapointed are my upperclassmen friends here at BBC and that has been making me think. I am just very unsure. I will just keep praying and see where the Lord leads me... and I will update you on Friday with my decision.


"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
~Phil 4:6-7


"Stand at the crossroads and look to see which way is good."
here is some of my thinking:
~2 years:
Pro's: less expensive ($40,000), my family is excited about it, I would be closer to home sooner... I have been struggling with being so far away, I could jump into ministry sooner, I would be able to get all my youth ministry classes in, I honestly feel like I would be growing more working with kids than in a class room for two extra years all for a piece of paper. I can always end up staying at BBC if I wanted. I would come out with a lot more bible knowledge than I came in with and even though it is a shorter time I would still get all the classes that were important to me.
Con's: It would be a lower to degree than the 4 year Bachelor's, I would be pretty young when I'm done... I would turn 20 a little under a month after I graduate. I might let people down
~4 years:
Pro's: Higher Degree, In the extra two years I would gain more bible knowledge and theology than I probably would otherwise, I would be older (22) but then again I have always felt older than my age and to be quite honest I feel more mature than a lot of people surrounding me currently at BBC.
Con's: A lot more expensive ($40,000 more), away from home for four years of my life, I feel like I learn a lot more back home around the people who know me and have seen me grow and who constantly continue to push me no matter what level I reach. I love NH and I cannot picture myself being away from home for 4 years....
ugh... and no matter which path I take I still have to take west. civ! ugh!!!
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Home Sweet Home
amanda

I love being at home... everything seems to make sense here and New Hampshire is so beautiful with the snow :-) I am going with my family to cut our Christmas tree down (if they ever finish getting ready!!!) so I am excited about that. This week has been really great so far.
Even though seeing all of my family was overwhelming it was growing and stretching. It was so cool to see my family treating me like an adult. My mom and I have been discussing a big decision for awhile that we have come to the conclusion might be best. It meant a lot talking to my grandfather because not only is he supportive of me going into youth ministry now, he actually thinks it will be better for me to go to BBC for two years which was a shock to me. The overwhelming support of my family actually preffering me to go to BBC for two years was also shocking. So there's my big news I guess. My mom and I have been discussing that I go for my Associate's degree instead of my Bachelor's Degree. I am meeting with my advisor next week because a big factor in this is to make sure I could get all of my youth ministry classes done in the next year and a half. This is looking like a better option to my family as well as myself financially and overall. I am praying about it and I hope you will come alongside me in praying. I talked with pastor darin about it last night. It was so good to spend time with Him and talk I missed that. It's nice to know that everyone will support my decision no matter what. My pastor suggested that I talk with someone else and I will if I get the oppurtunity. So yeah school and Namibia are definetley two big decisions in my life right now, and the school one needs to be decided on soon because it will effect my classes next semester. So if you think of it pray.
A recap of this past week is lots and lots of family, snow, good food, and spending time with the jr. high girls, and I hung out with pastor darin and family last night. It was really fun to spend time with the girls and play games and watch "The Christmas Story" which I finally saw all of it for the first time and it was fun. And today there is lots of stuff that might go on, then church, etc. tomorrow because I am usually with friends all day on sunday's, then monday at some point lyssy and I head back to PA. wow... but I am fine with it, God made this time with the people I was with and it was all a part of His perfect plan which is amazing :-)
I am so thankful for this week and my last couple of days at home, and I hope and pray that you are all enjoying your thanksgiving break too! enjoy it and remember to spend time with those you love :-)

love you all!

~amanda

"Walking in a winter wonderland"
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space in between us
amanda
home tomorrow...
i am so excited yet so nervous at the same time. i constantly am praying to have a day-to-day focus and i am so bad at it. i am not even home and already i am thinking about having to leave again. i try so hard not to be homesick but there are just so many times when i feel like i have this big hole in my heart and i wish that i was closer. but even in the midst of this God is so good. God has given me great friends to help keep me accountable with all sorts of things and I am so grateful for that. This week will be a welcome break and I am going to try as best as I can to enjoy each day as it is, and let God lead me through and be content with whatever each day brings my way. I hope that everyone has a great thanksgiving and that we will all take time to witness to friends and family... I've been coming to realize that time is way to short to not spend time with those you love most and show them God's amazing grace. Happy thanksgiving everyone! love you all,
be blessed!!!
PS: i love you mommy, I can't wait to go pick out a Christmas tree, yay :-)
"In Christ alone my hope is found He is my light my strength, my song. This cornerstone this solid ground. Firm through the fiercest drought and storms. What Heights of love, what depths of peace. When fears are stilled when striving cease. My comforter my all and all, here in the love of Christ I'll stand."
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Answers in Genesis
amanda
Tonight I had an awesome oppurtunity to hear Ken Ham. Although I was probably the only one here at BBC to never have heard of him before, I can see why he has such a well-known reputation. He had the coolest australian accent for one and is very funny :-), but what he had to say was what really blew me away. He talked a lot about how there are many churches today who completley reject the creation theory and are accepting evolution or changing the literal days in Genesis to ages or millions of years. He said that as Christians we focus so much on the spiritual things in the bible that we forget about all it says about our world. He kept referring to a verse (i can't remember the reference) saying that "if you cannot believe earthly things then how can you believe in heavenly things." (or something like that). That is the biggest problem today with non-believers. Once Christians say they don't believe that God created the earth in 6 days, it is undermining the authority of God. If God didn't create man, and if there was no fall of man, then there would be no Jesus, no death, no ressurection and no salvation. As Christians we need to take a stand. We need to know that we cannot believe in the rest of the bible without believing in Genesis.
Another point he drove home is problems in sunday school, youth groups, and bible studies. Most kids involved in the church go to public schools. Ken Ham made the strong point that in the bible there is astronomy, biology, and many other sciences. He said that in sunday school all we do is teach bible stories. Noah's arc and God's faithfullness. But what about the science in it? He says he always asks teachers if they teach about how could so many animals fit on the arc etc? He asks, do you think there is science in the bible.... they reply yes. Do you teach it... they reply no. Where do they learn it? and the reply is ...... school.... hmmm...that statement is scary. it is true when you think of it that we are trusting public school systems to teach kids about science instead of teaching the authorative word of God. He gave a scary statistic of how many kids fall away and into the trap of learning that creation is "scientifically impossible" because that is the teaching in public schools. And as we learned, if you don't believe in creation how can you believe the rest of the bible is true? I think he brought up an awesome point about not training kids to go out into the world to defend their faith, and this is something we should be doing. He brought up another verse in the bible saying that "we always need to be ready to answer." We need to be ready to share Truth with those who are hungry for answers. They have a website www.answersingenesis.org

This week has been an awesom learning experience for me. Mike Riddle another guy from Answers in Genesis has been speaking in chapel this week and is speaking again tomorrow. I'm grateful for BBC and everything I am learning because I know it will help me in future conversations. Thanksgiving break is so close :-) I can't believe I will be sleeping in my own bed monday night! I hope you are all doing well.
Be Blessed everyone!
~Amanda

"hallelujah grace like rain falls down on me. hallelujah and all my stans are washed away they're washed away."
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Happy 20th Anniversary CCA
amanda
It's nights like tonight when my heart aches to be home. Tonight is the 20th anniversary for my church. It's hard when you want to be somewhere so much but you can't be there. I'm using this lonely feeling though to see what God can teach me. For one I am trying to let this draw me closer to God... it's working too because I just prayed and it's amazing how when you just ask God he will answer your prayers. There is no reason for me to be lonely when God is right here with me, and I know I am here for a reason no matter how hard my emotions try to differ. I pray though that tonight will be a memorable night for my church family and as much as I desire to be there I know that each person that is there was meant to be there and I am not on that list.... and really I am fine with that now :-) Life here is going okay. I'm listening to the new David Crowder Cd right now and I must say that it is growing on me. After hearing the music live and seeing how passionate the musicians were, really made the music click with me. Other than that I have so much work to do. I am working on a speech that I am giving on Namibia tomorrow, so I am praying that I will do well with that. I miss my mom a lot right now :-) I love you mommy! hehe you will see this when you finally see your blog. It's 7:00 now and the party is starting back home, hope you all are having fun :-D
PS: God is so cool because He shows us His will in such mysterious ways. I am going to continue praying but I think God gave me a sign regarding Namibia today :-)

"Come and listen, come and listen to what he's done. Praise our God for He is good. He has done for me, He has done for you, He has done for us." ~DCB
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Be Still and know
amanda
Hey Everyone, i'm not sure why I'm doing this besides the fact that there are a billion different online journal type things that I am testing out. I thought this might be a fun way to keep in touch with my fellow CCA friends who don't have Xanga.

This past week this verse has been appearing everywhere. I haven't figured out how to do this yet, and maybe I never will completley figure it out but this is what I have been striving for. College life is busy with way too many distractions, but with everything I am learning I would not trade it for anything. This has been the cry of my heart recently, and I hope that you all take time out of your busy schedule to enjoy this precious gift from God. We can learn together :-)

"Be Still and know that I am God."
~Psalm 46;10
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