I already forgot and changed the date to make this say November 2nd... haha... but in my defense I was sick and got some medicine today so now I should be better...
This makes me smile :)
This makes me smile :)
This was my profile i made awhile back, but I think I'll just write my posts on here this year! :)
http://www.nablopomo.com/profile/HisStar333
Once again it's Nablopomo time. That stands for National Blog Posting Month or something like that. haha :-) So you are supposed to make a blog post everyday. Some of them will be short, some will be deep, some will be random and nonsense. :) But I'm determined to do this for my third year in a row.
So it's November 1st, and I'm thankful for an awesome youth leaders meeting today! I'm thankful for a wonderful boyfriend who I love so very much, and for all that God has done in our lives and will continue to do. And I'm thankful that two of my youth group girls are stepping into leadership and are attending our meetings! :) Pretty awesome!!!!!
I'm really thankful for God and the fact that He changes us to be more like Him! Blessed be His name!
http://www.nablopomo.com/profile/HisStar333
Once again it's Nablopomo time. That stands for National Blog Posting Month or something like that. haha :-) So you are supposed to make a blog post everyday. Some of them will be short, some will be deep, some will be random and nonsense. :) But I'm determined to do this for my third year in a row.
So it's November 1st, and I'm thankful for an awesome youth leaders meeting today! I'm thankful for a wonderful boyfriend who I love so very much, and for all that God has done in our lives and will continue to do. And I'm thankful that two of my youth group girls are stepping into leadership and are attending our meetings! :) Pretty awesome!!!!!
I'm really thankful for God and the fact that He changes us to be more like Him! Blessed be His name!
I had such a nice weekend that it wasn't so bad going back to work today. God has been teaching me a lot about contentment this past weekend, and I've started making little note cards with definitions and verses on them. So far I have one next to my bed and on my bathroom mirror. But I still need to make a few more for in my car and to keep in my wallet. This has been a great tool for me the past few days to meditate on being content where I am right now in life. I also wanted to start keeping track of three things I'm thankful for each day to help keep me in the here and now perspective. Daniel and I have been doing this together and keeping a journal of the three things we are thankful for each day. It's been really neat to take the time and share what we're thankful for with each other and it's also helping me keep a more positive focus. So I thought I'd share my three things with you all today...
1) I'm thankful for worship music that I connect with. The song that I've been belting out the past few days in my car is #1 on my playlist to the right. I love the bridge in these hillsong lyrics: "All of my life, in every season. You are still God, I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship." I remember that Jesse had blogged about this song awhile ago, that has a couple of videos with the meaning behind the song. Check it out here.
2) I'm thankful that God is in control and that he is teaching me not to fear. I'm thankful that He is in control even when our small town just had their sense of security "shattered" as it was described in the paper today. I'm thankful that news reports say that the little girl is expected to recover.
3) I'm thankful that my monday night class will be over in a few weeks so I can go back to youth group! haha :-)
So lots to be thankful for everyday... even on the days that seem to be not so great. When you take the time to think about what you're thankful for it can completely change your attitude and that's what I'm finding.
Here's a couple of random pictures taken in the past month or so:
1) I'm thankful for worship music that I connect with. The song that I've been belting out the past few days in my car is #1 on my playlist to the right. I love the bridge in these hillsong lyrics: "All of my life, in every season. You are still God, I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship." I remember that Jesse had blogged about this song awhile ago, that has a couple of videos with the meaning behind the song. Check it out here.
2) I'm thankful that God is in control and that he is teaching me not to fear. I'm thankful that He is in control even when our small town just had their sense of security "shattered" as it was described in the paper today. I'm thankful that news reports say that the little girl is expected to recover.
3) I'm thankful that my monday night class will be over in a few weeks so I can go back to youth group! haha :-)
So lots to be thankful for everyday... even on the days that seem to be not so great. When you take the time to think about what you're thankful for it can completely change your attitude and that's what I'm finding.
Here's a couple of random pictures taken in the past month or so:
One of my favorite little devotionals is, "His Princess- Love Letters from Your King" by Sheri Rose Shepherd, which I know I've mentioned before.
One of the topics I just read was about how God wants us to be completely up front with Him. It's amazing how we sometimes try to hide things... considering He knows everything! :-) But just the knowledge that God wants us to be open and real with Him. To put away religious jargon, the fancy church clothes, the Sunday face and replace it with a come just as you are attitude.
I like the verse that went with it...
"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."
~2 Corinthians 3:17
Where the Holy Spirit is there is freedom. That's pretty stinkin awesome! :-) It reminds me of Chris Tomlin's Chorus of Amazing Grace. "My Chains are gone, I've been set free. My God, My Savior has ransomed me. And like a flood His mercy reigns. Unending love, amazing grace." This imperfect person is pretty thankful for grace.
"Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done."
What has God done in YOUR life lately??? (This is the time when you click comment and make a response! ;-)
For me, I've seen God somehow provide me with the motivation for my classes and actually being a little ahead of schedule. I've been working pretty hard the past couple of weeks to keep on top of things. It's been the reminder of His love for me through people, through nature, through comfort and peace in difficult times. He's provided me with a couple of precious moments last weekend to see my grandfather open his eyes, and look into mine and say, "oh my sweetheart." I treasure the moments when he remembers who I am. It's been in celebrating 6 months of dating my boyfriend who I continue to love more each day. God has been teaching me so much about myself, how I learn, how I teach, how I interact with others. I also felt God show up in the service last Sunday as we focused on what I think is one of the main, if not THE main theme of the bible... love. I continue to recognize how blessed I am to be apart of a church family who I can't wait to see every week, and knowing that we are on this journey together. I'm thankful for friends :)
"Some friends don't help, but a true friend is closer than your own family."
~Proverbs 18:24
One of the topics I just read was about how God wants us to be completely up front with Him. It's amazing how we sometimes try to hide things... considering He knows everything! :-) But just the knowledge that God wants us to be open and real with Him. To put away religious jargon, the fancy church clothes, the Sunday face and replace it with a come just as you are attitude.
I like the verse that went with it...
"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."
~2 Corinthians 3:17
Where the Holy Spirit is there is freedom. That's pretty stinkin awesome! :-) It reminds me of Chris Tomlin's Chorus of Amazing Grace. "My Chains are gone, I've been set free. My God, My Savior has ransomed me. And like a flood His mercy reigns. Unending love, amazing grace." This imperfect person is pretty thankful for grace.
"Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done."
What has God done in YOUR life lately??? (This is the time when you click comment and make a response! ;-)
For me, I've seen God somehow provide me with the motivation for my classes and actually being a little ahead of schedule. I've been working pretty hard the past couple of weeks to keep on top of things. It's been the reminder of His love for me through people, through nature, through comfort and peace in difficult times. He's provided me with a couple of precious moments last weekend to see my grandfather open his eyes, and look into mine and say, "oh my sweetheart." I treasure the moments when he remembers who I am. It's been in celebrating 6 months of dating my boyfriend who I continue to love more each day. God has been teaching me so much about myself, how I learn, how I teach, how I interact with others. I also felt God show up in the service last Sunday as we focused on what I think is one of the main, if not THE main theme of the bible... love. I continue to recognize how blessed I am to be apart of a church family who I can't wait to see every week, and knowing that we are on this journey together. I'm thankful for friends :)
"Some friends don't help, but a true friend is closer than your own family."
~Proverbs 18:24
So I went to Todd Agnew's Myspace to hear Grace like Rain, and the next song that came on was called, "My Jesus." It was really intense. He uses pretty strong language and pictures to set the tone for his message. It reminded me of back in the day (not that long ago :-) When Derek Webb used some language that the church wasn't accustomed to. One of the lines that really struck me was when he said, "My Jesus would never be accepted in my church." It's something to truly think about. Are we honoring God as a church? I'm so thankful to be at a place I love for the past seven years! To be apart of a church body that isn't afraid to go across the world to get dirty and messy and spend time with those who have been shut out. A church that is known for it's love for people, no matter what. Like the song says, and more importantly like the bible says, Jesus did not come for the strong. He came for the weak. He came for the sinners.
So I will post the lyrics here, and the song is the first one on my playlist so you can give it a listen and let me know your thoughts:
"Which Jesus do you follow,
Which Jesus do you serve
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ,
Why do you look so much like the world
Cause My Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars,
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be
Blessed are the poor in spirit,
or do we pray to blessed with with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sands
My Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars,
He loved the poor and accosted the rich,
So which one do you want to be
Who is this that You follow,
This picture of the American dream,
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side,
Or fall down and worship at His holy feet
holy
Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion,
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins,
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part,
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him
My Jesus bled and died He spent His time with thieves and the least of
these,
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable,
So which one do you want to be,
Cause
My Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet,
But He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud
And,
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud
I want to be like my Jesus
I want to be like my Jesus
I want to be like my Jesus
I want to be like my Jesus
Not a posterchild for American prosperity,
but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus
but I'm not sure what that means to be like
You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You,
love like You but then
You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?
I wanna be like you Jesus
I wanna be Like my Jesus"
~Todd Agnew
So I will post the lyrics here, and the song is the first one on my playlist so you can give it a listen and let me know your thoughts:
"Which Jesus do you follow,
Which Jesus do you serve
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ,
Why do you look so much like the world
Cause My Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars,
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be
Blessed are the poor in spirit,
or do we pray to blessed with with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sands
My Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars,
He loved the poor and accosted the rich,
So which one do you want to be
Who is this that You follow,
This picture of the American dream,
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side,
Or fall down and worship at His holy feet
holy
Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion,
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins,
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part,
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him
My Jesus bled and died He spent His time with thieves and the least of
these,
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable,
So which one do you want to be,
Cause
My Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet,
But He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud
And,
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud
I want to be like my Jesus
I want to be like my Jesus
I want to be like my Jesus
I want to be like my Jesus
Not a posterchild for American prosperity,
but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus
but I'm not sure what that means to be like
You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You,
love like You but then
You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?
I wanna be like you Jesus
I wanna be Like my Jesus"
~Todd Agnew
Can't believe that I already start my meetings tomorrow. Where did summer go? Glad that I got to spend my last day of freedom with 3 chords :-) I'm exhausted, so I'll leave you with this...
Night Night! :)
Night Night! :)
Went to the beach with a really fun group. I LOVE it. I enjoyed the sunshine and the cool ocean breeze. It's so beautiful and big, and soothing. I love my feet in the sand and watching the waves. God is pretty awesome to give us such a sight to enjoy. Not to mention how much fun it is to hang out with a great group of teens, and have great conversations and lots of fun. I'm feeling very blessed today.
I'm very thankful to have had some fun this week, and I'm thankful for the other fun events to come this weekend. Some good music, youth leaders meeting, and friends.
I'm very thankful for healing and that God continues to push us towards change to make us more like him. Sometimes it's hard to get used to or accept, but in the end it's always worth it.
Hope you enjoy some beach pics! :)
I'm very thankful to have had some fun this week, and I'm thankful for the other fun events to come this weekend. Some good music, youth leaders meeting, and friends.
I'm very thankful for healing and that God continues to push us towards change to make us more like him. Sometimes it's hard to get used to or accept, but in the end it's always worth it.
Hope you enjoy some beach pics! :)
The red sox game was a lot of fun last night!!! :) We won, so that always makes for a fun game. ;-) Kayleen ended up coming, cuz Ricky got back to me too late. I'm very thankful Kayleen could come cuz I had way more fun than I would have without a buddy! Tomorrow sounds like it will be a beach and king kone day! And I have some plans for the weekend, so this last week of summer is turning out to be just what I needed... like the song. ;-)
I hope you enjoy the pics! By the way, Ellesbury broke the number of steals for the Red Sox last night! It was awesome, and Kayleen got a picture of it!!!
I hope you enjoy the pics! By the way, Ellesbury broke the number of steals for the Red Sox last night! It was awesome, and Kayleen got a picture of it!!!
I love the wisdom in proverbs...
"A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit."
~proverbs 15:13
"Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers all wrongs." ~Proverbs 10:12
"Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid."
~Proverbs 12:1
"He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin"
~Proverbs 13:3
"Hope deffered makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life"
~Proverbs 13:12
"A patient man has great understanding, but a quick tempered man displays folly."
~Proverbs 14:29
"A man finds joy in giving an apt reply, and how good is a timely word."
~Proverbs 15:22
"All of man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord. Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed."
~Proverbs 16:2-3
"Love and faithfulness keep a king safe; through love his throne is made secure."
~Proverbs 20:28
I really do love the book of Proverbs. It's a very humbling book to read. So if you ever think you are doing well and have no issues, read through this book and I'm sure you will find some areas that could use some fine tuning.
It's the big red sox game today! After trying to convince a few people to go and it not working out, I think Ricky might come hopefully! We shall see. Either way it will be a long interesting day. We get there at 345 and the game doesnt start till after 7. eek! I hope you all have a wonderful day. The weather is beautiful! :)
"A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit."
~proverbs 15:13
"Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers all wrongs." ~Proverbs 10:12
"Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid."
~Proverbs 12:1
"He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin"
~Proverbs 13:3
"Hope deffered makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life"
~Proverbs 13:12
"A patient man has great understanding, but a quick tempered man displays folly."
~Proverbs 14:29
"A man finds joy in giving an apt reply, and how good is a timely word."
~Proverbs 15:22
"All of man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord. Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed."
~Proverbs 16:2-3
"Love and faithfulness keep a king safe; through love his throne is made secure."
~Proverbs 20:28
I really do love the book of Proverbs. It's a very humbling book to read. So if you ever think you are doing well and have no issues, read through this book and I'm sure you will find some areas that could use some fine tuning.
It's the big red sox game today! After trying to convince a few people to go and it not working out, I think Ricky might come hopefully! We shall see. Either way it will be a long interesting day. We get there at 345 and the game doesnt start till after 7. eek! I hope you all have a wonderful day. The weather is beautiful! :)
I've been trying to keep this up, but I already find myself with nothing too deep to say. Had my first class tonight... my life is about to become overwhelmingly busy, but if I've handled 3 classes before and survived, I will do it again with 4. Tomorrow is the big game... we have two tickets not being used and i'm stuck keeping an eye on two junior high boys. So pray for me... haha, cuz at this point I would rather just stay home and have NO desire to go. I also realized that I don't like answering the phone at my house more than ever. And I've also realized that sometimes just not thinking about your life for awhile and almost pretending that everything is okay is needed to keep your sanity. If only just to remind you that life will be okay again for a little while someday. Sorry if this sounds pessimistic, I've just used up my optimism quota for today. But thankfully a good nights sleep (hopefully) and a fresh start will remind me of Lamentations where it says that everyday God's mercies are new. Which they def. are. So my prayer for tonight is that I will rest in God, get some sleep, and wake up feeling some peace instead of the giant pit in my stomach that has been there for the past few days.
So I'm sorry if I'm whining, but this is my blog and I can whine if I want to, and no one ever said you had to read it anyways... ;-) speaking of "whine" some wine sounds good about now. haha, 3 chords will have to hook me up with some of their famous love my goat wine! :)
Goodnight all. Thankful for good friends and the knowledge that God hasn't given up on me. <3
So I'm sorry if I'm whining, but this is my blog and I can whine if I want to, and no one ever said you had to read it anyways... ;-) speaking of "whine" some wine sounds good about now. haha, 3 chords will have to hook me up with some of their famous love my goat wine! :)
Goodnight all. Thankful for good friends and the knowledge that God hasn't given up on me. <3
We celebrated Andrew's 15th Birthday today!
Here are some pictures...
Aren't we attractive?? haha :) Hope enjoyed the silly pics.
I have a lot of thoughts, but I think I'll keep them in my head. :) It's probably better that way, so night night.
Here are some pictures...
Aren't we attractive?? haha :) Hope enjoyed the silly pics.
I have a lot of thoughts, but I think I'll keep them in my head. :) It's probably better that way, so night night.
"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things." ~Phil 4:8
I'm sure many of you have struggled with keeping your mind in the right place. For me currently i'm not struggling to keep my mind out of the gutter, what I am struggling with is all of those negative thoughts that like to pop up when you are feeling down. The usual that Satan tries to get me with... "your not worth it," "you're a failure," "You're not pretty enough, smart enough, etc..." "life is never going to be good for you."
Thankfully throughout the years, and especially the past six months or so, I've really grown a lot in this area. I think that when you finally find the one who loves you, with all the flaws you think are so obvious, and learn that they still love you and aren't going anywhere. I think that finally woke me up.
God has always loved me, He knew my flaws, but He knows that no imperfection is too big that He can't use. And maybe the things I view as imperfections, aren't flaws at all. Maybe they are just the things that make me unique and that He uses. In the verse above the "true," and "right" are what stick out to me this morning. Satan is full of lies. God speaks love and is always there saying to me, "you are worth it, you are not a failure because you have ME. I created you to be just the way you are. You are pretty. You are smart. You are worthy of love. And sometimes life turns out differently than you think it might, but it is nothing that is out of my control."
For once in my life I feel prepared to fight against the lies floating around in my head. And I'm thankful for the people God places in our lives to help teach us these lessons.
____________________________________________
"The calmer of the sea, here in this room with me.
So gently welcoming, the weakest things in me...
Oh Jesus You became, what was my deepest shame.
That at your very name, my calloused heart would change.
How could you perfect one love me when I have done,
nothing that's worthy of my freedom you have won?"
~Bethany Dillon
I'm thankful for my many blessings. I'm thankful to see the sun shining outside, even if it's supposed to rain most of the day. I'm thankful that God is providing Kayleena to come help out at the house today, and hopefully get it back into order after having been gone the past couple of weeks. I'm thankful that Andrew is turning 15 tomorrow! (even if I don't believe it ;-) There is so much to be thankful for, and I'm focusing on those things today.
What are you thankful for?
I'm sure many of you have struggled with keeping your mind in the right place. For me currently i'm not struggling to keep my mind out of the gutter, what I am struggling with is all of those negative thoughts that like to pop up when you are feeling down. The usual that Satan tries to get me with... "your not worth it," "you're a failure," "You're not pretty enough, smart enough, etc..." "life is never going to be good for you."
Thankfully throughout the years, and especially the past six months or so, I've really grown a lot in this area. I think that when you finally find the one who loves you, with all the flaws you think are so obvious, and learn that they still love you and aren't going anywhere. I think that finally woke me up.
God has always loved me, He knew my flaws, but He knows that no imperfection is too big that He can't use. And maybe the things I view as imperfections, aren't flaws at all. Maybe they are just the things that make me unique and that He uses. In the verse above the "true," and "right" are what stick out to me this morning. Satan is full of lies. God speaks love and is always there saying to me, "you are worth it, you are not a failure because you have ME. I created you to be just the way you are. You are pretty. You are smart. You are worthy of love. And sometimes life turns out differently than you think it might, but it is nothing that is out of my control."
For once in my life I feel prepared to fight against the lies floating around in my head. And I'm thankful for the people God places in our lives to help teach us these lessons.
____________________________________________
"The calmer of the sea, here in this room with me.
So gently welcoming, the weakest things in me...
Oh Jesus You became, what was my deepest shame.
That at your very name, my calloused heart would change.
How could you perfect one love me when I have done,
nothing that's worthy of my freedom you have won?"
~Bethany Dillon
I'm thankful for my many blessings. I'm thankful to see the sun shining outside, even if it's supposed to rain most of the day. I'm thankful that God is providing Kayleena to come help out at the house today, and hopefully get it back into order after having been gone the past couple of weeks. I'm thankful that Andrew is turning 15 tomorrow! (even if I don't believe it ;-) There is so much to be thankful for, and I'm focusing on those things today.
What are you thankful for?
Weather = crazy!
My blog setup: Thanks a bunch to Mike for using his wicked sweet coding skills, and for fixing my blog so you can actually see my whole playlist! So buy a donkey for making my blog look better and for refraining from doing anything crazy with it! :) He is a great blogger himself so check out BloggerbyKnight
Life:
If my life were to be displayed on a magazine I think it would be something like this:
Still can't believe summer is basically over. Still have to hit the beach and king Kone and only one more week to fit it in!
My blog setup: Thanks a bunch to Mike for using his wicked sweet coding skills, and for fixing my blog so you can actually see my whole playlist! So buy a donkey for making my blog look better and for refraining from doing anything crazy with it! :) He is a great blogger himself so check out BloggerbyKnight
Life:
If my life were to be displayed on a magazine I think it would be something like this:
Still can't believe summer is basically over. Still have to hit the beach and king Kone and only one more week to fit it in!
I added some new songs to the playlist. I love the last song on it from barlow girl. And I love Keith Urban, even if most of his songs make me cry. And can't forget Crowder! :-)
For the first time in awhile I'm feeling kind of speechless. I'm also feeling kind of down. Thankfully I know I have a lot to be thankful for to cheer me up. It's the last week of summer that I never really got to experience, and my classes start up next week. I have no idea if I'm ready. But I guess I have to be. :-) The 3 classes I'm taking are pretty hard core, and the fourth one only meets on 2 saturdays. Praise God, I've heard back about two of my test sections (Reading and Math) I passed both! Still waiting on my writing score, but that made me VERY happy.
I've been giving myself lots of pep talks today. Reminding myself that feelings can be strong but they don't always represent your situation. So lots of reminders that things will be okay, even when they don't feel like it.
Watching my mom in the hospital, and seeing complications keep coming up, and seeing how much these weeks have taken out of her as she is now walking with a walker for awhile. It just reminds me of how quickly your health, your life, everything that you hold dear can be taken away from you. But I've decided that it's in those tests that God sees where your heart truly lies. It's easy to have faith when everything in life is falling into place, but what happens to you when you face trials and hurdles? Who do you turn to?
All I know is that if I were to die tomorrow, there would be some things I would want to change about today. But sometimes you can't change the things that are out of your control.
_____________________________________
The summer sun is fading,
seasons ever changing,
and windows down,
and toes in the sand
are coming to an end.
Walking alongside the ocean,
young love is blooming everywhere.
Hearts have been broken,
words left unspoken,
no more summer breeze through my hair.
But with each season's end,
a new one begins.
Changing leaves,
and the smell of fall
are just around the bend.
So when life is changing,
life might feel different for awhile.
But don't miss the moments,
hold on tight,
because soon this too will end.
__________________________________
On that note, hopefully you enjoyed my lame attempt at poetry... :-) sad... i need to pick up a guitar again... although if that were to be a song it would probably be more like a depressing slow ballad. so maybe i need to work on my piano skills instead. ;-)
I've been giving myself lots of pep talks today. Reminding myself that feelings can be strong but they don't always represent your situation. So lots of reminders that things will be okay, even when they don't feel like it.
Watching my mom in the hospital, and seeing complications keep coming up, and seeing how much these weeks have taken out of her as she is now walking with a walker for awhile. It just reminds me of how quickly your health, your life, everything that you hold dear can be taken away from you. But I've decided that it's in those tests that God sees where your heart truly lies. It's easy to have faith when everything in life is falling into place, but what happens to you when you face trials and hurdles? Who do you turn to?
All I know is that if I were to die tomorrow, there would be some things I would want to change about today. But sometimes you can't change the things that are out of your control.
_____________________________________
The summer sun is fading,
seasons ever changing,
and windows down,
and toes in the sand
are coming to an end.
Walking alongside the ocean,
young love is blooming everywhere.
Hearts have been broken,
words left unspoken,
no more summer breeze through my hair.
But with each season's end,
a new one begins.
Changing leaves,
and the smell of fall
are just around the bend.
So when life is changing,
life might feel different for awhile.
But don't miss the moments,
hold on tight,
because soon this too will end.
__________________________________
On that note, hopefully you enjoyed my lame attempt at poetry... :-) sad... i need to pick up a guitar again... although if that were to be a song it would probably be more like a depressing slow ballad. so maybe i need to work on my piano skills instead. ;-)
"I will not boast in anything,
no gifts, no power, no wisdom.
But I will boast in Jesus Christ,
His death and ressurection.
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer.
But this I know with all my heart,
His wounds have paid my ransom."
"Give us clean hands,
Give us pure hearts,
Let us not lift our souls to another."
These are just a couple of the songs that I used to sing with the girls in my dorm. :-) Those were the days, me and geetar and some of my best friends. I was thinking today that if there is one thing I miss about not being in college anymore, it's living in a dorm surrounded by amazing christian young women learning to seek God with all of our hearts. I was thinking about stupid school loans today and how nothing for the fall seems to be falling into place. But I would not trade those two years at BBC for anything.
One of the most important lessons I learned at BBC is that your relationship with God is not based on your feelings/emotions. That even when you don't feel like seeking Him, He will bless you when you do. And that a relationship has it's ups and downs. Sometimes you might feel really close to God, other times He might feel like He is somewhere in Tim-buck-two ;-) But He is always, ALWAYS there.
The past couple of weeks I have felt strong and weak at the same time. I wish I could put it into words. My faith is strong but my body is weak. Watching someone you love in so much pain takes a lot out of you when you are trying to support them and trying to put your life on hold to help. I feel drained. Yet through all of this I have had to trust God and have faith that He would protect my mom. Practically living in the hospital for the past couple of weeks, it's been amazing to learn even more than I did about how intricate the human body is. It's complexity leaves me in awe. But at the same time, we are just dust, only here for an instant.
If I were to die tomorrow would I feel like I've wasted my life? Would I feel like I've loved enough? Given enough? Been selfless enough? These are the types of questions that I think we all need to ask ourselves frequently. Because life is too short. Life is just simply too short to waste, and to come to the end wondering what you have done to make a difference for the God who has made all of the difference in your own life.
I've also learned that sometimes the biggest difference we can make comes out of the smallest action. I truly believe that God is pleased when we use our daily lives, handing over the ones we love, the people we interact with, and making a concious choice to love. God is pleased when I choose not to have an attitude with my mom, or when I choose to not become easily frusterated. He's pleased when we pray to Him throughout the day, or smile at someone who really needs to feel loved. He's pleased when we grow and become more like Him. I even dare say, that He's pleased when we make mistakes and LEARN from them. God doesn't ask for perfection, He doesn't ask for the well. Jesus said he came for the sick, because it isn't a person who is well that needs a doctor. God chooses the broken, the weak, the disobedient, the poor, the sick... the sinners. Because I think it's when we are weak that we get on our knees and know without a doubt that we NEED Jesus. That without Him we are just that speck of dust and nothing more. But WITH Him, we are a speck of dust within the midst of a big, amazing story. A story with trials and troubles, AND love and redemption.
I think God is pleased when we recognize that He is God and we are not. When we come to Him as we are, trusting that He will continue to grow and change us. I think it's when we recognize that it's the Holy spirit inside of us, that God can look and be pleased. I really do believe that God is the perfect father. That his unconditional love is always there. That yes, sometimes we dissapoint Him and let Him down, but that His love does not change. That He takes joy when we follow what He has taught us. And like any father, He wants us to be happy. He wants us to seize every moment in life, to serve and to savor it.
There's this awesome movie that I love called, "School of Life." In the movie the main character teaches his students... "how much time do we have?" He responds saying "not a lot." By the end of the movie, He responds with, "Enough." When we approach life knowing we can make a difference because of the difference God has made in our lives, I think we learn to live a little differently. And knowing that making a difference looks like loving your wife in the way she deserves, or mothers loving their children. It looks like messed up people trying to love like God would love. It's families sticking together and growing together. It's the women and men who seek God in the early hours of the morning, while others seek Him late into the night.
I challenge you... What can you do this evening? tommorrow? This week? Maybe it's not rushing through the grocery story and running the old ladies over to get home sooner. Maybe instead, strike up a conversation or smile at those who you feel slow you down. Maybe it's making the concious decision to show love to someone who is difficult to love and you would rather avoid altogether. Maybe it's putting yourself aside, and doing something you don't like to do as an example of love to someone else. Take out the trash without being asked, or don't be selfish when your sibling wants a turn on the computer. All of these things just take a few minutes. But I think it all comes down to choice and heart attitude. You can choose the high road and put yourself aside, or you can choose comfort and the easy way. I think the more we make concious little decisions to love and serve, the more the focus comes off of us and turns to God and other people.
<3
"When I think about the Lord,
how He saved me, how He raised me.
How He filled me with the Holy Ghost,
How He healed me to the uttermost.
When I think about the Lord,
How He picked me up, turned me around.
How He set my feet on solid ground.
It makes me wanna shout! (WHOO! ;-)
Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus.
Lord You're worthy of all the glory.
And all of the honor,
And all of the praise."
no gifts, no power, no wisdom.
But I will boast in Jesus Christ,
His death and ressurection.
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer.
But this I know with all my heart,
His wounds have paid my ransom."
"Give us clean hands,
Give us pure hearts,
Let us not lift our souls to another."
These are just a couple of the songs that I used to sing with the girls in my dorm. :-) Those were the days, me and geetar and some of my best friends. I was thinking today that if there is one thing I miss about not being in college anymore, it's living in a dorm surrounded by amazing christian young women learning to seek God with all of our hearts. I was thinking about stupid school loans today and how nothing for the fall seems to be falling into place. But I would not trade those two years at BBC for anything.
One of the most important lessons I learned at BBC is that your relationship with God is not based on your feelings/emotions. That even when you don't feel like seeking Him, He will bless you when you do. And that a relationship has it's ups and downs. Sometimes you might feel really close to God, other times He might feel like He is somewhere in Tim-buck-two ;-) But He is always, ALWAYS there.
The past couple of weeks I have felt strong and weak at the same time. I wish I could put it into words. My faith is strong but my body is weak. Watching someone you love in so much pain takes a lot out of you when you are trying to support them and trying to put your life on hold to help. I feel drained. Yet through all of this I have had to trust God and have faith that He would protect my mom. Practically living in the hospital for the past couple of weeks, it's been amazing to learn even more than I did about how intricate the human body is. It's complexity leaves me in awe. But at the same time, we are just dust, only here for an instant.
If I were to die tomorrow would I feel like I've wasted my life? Would I feel like I've loved enough? Given enough? Been selfless enough? These are the types of questions that I think we all need to ask ourselves frequently. Because life is too short. Life is just simply too short to waste, and to come to the end wondering what you have done to make a difference for the God who has made all of the difference in your own life.
I've also learned that sometimes the biggest difference we can make comes out of the smallest action. I truly believe that God is pleased when we use our daily lives, handing over the ones we love, the people we interact with, and making a concious choice to love. God is pleased when I choose not to have an attitude with my mom, or when I choose to not become easily frusterated. He's pleased when we pray to Him throughout the day, or smile at someone who really needs to feel loved. He's pleased when we grow and become more like Him. I even dare say, that He's pleased when we make mistakes and LEARN from them. God doesn't ask for perfection, He doesn't ask for the well. Jesus said he came for the sick, because it isn't a person who is well that needs a doctor. God chooses the broken, the weak, the disobedient, the poor, the sick... the sinners. Because I think it's when we are weak that we get on our knees and know without a doubt that we NEED Jesus. That without Him we are just that speck of dust and nothing more. But WITH Him, we are a speck of dust within the midst of a big, amazing story. A story with trials and troubles, AND love and redemption.
I think God is pleased when we recognize that He is God and we are not. When we come to Him as we are, trusting that He will continue to grow and change us. I think it's when we recognize that it's the Holy spirit inside of us, that God can look and be pleased. I really do believe that God is the perfect father. That his unconditional love is always there. That yes, sometimes we dissapoint Him and let Him down, but that His love does not change. That He takes joy when we follow what He has taught us. And like any father, He wants us to be happy. He wants us to seize every moment in life, to serve and to savor it.
There's this awesome movie that I love called, "School of Life." In the movie the main character teaches his students... "how much time do we have?" He responds saying "not a lot." By the end of the movie, He responds with, "Enough." When we approach life knowing we can make a difference because of the difference God has made in our lives, I think we learn to live a little differently. And knowing that making a difference looks like loving your wife in the way she deserves, or mothers loving their children. It looks like messed up people trying to love like God would love. It's families sticking together and growing together. It's the women and men who seek God in the early hours of the morning, while others seek Him late into the night.
I challenge you... What can you do this evening? tommorrow? This week? Maybe it's not rushing through the grocery story and running the old ladies over to get home sooner. Maybe instead, strike up a conversation or smile at those who you feel slow you down. Maybe it's making the concious decision to show love to someone who is difficult to love and you would rather avoid altogether. Maybe it's putting yourself aside, and doing something you don't like to do as an example of love to someone else. Take out the trash without being asked, or don't be selfish when your sibling wants a turn on the computer. All of these things just take a few minutes. But I think it all comes down to choice and heart attitude. You can choose the high road and put yourself aside, or you can choose comfort and the easy way. I think the more we make concious little decisions to love and serve, the more the focus comes off of us and turns to God and other people.
<3
"When I think about the Lord,
how He saved me, how He raised me.
How He filled me with the Holy Ghost,
How He healed me to the uttermost.
When I think about the Lord,
How He picked me up, turned me around.
How He set my feet on solid ground.
It makes me wanna shout! (WHOO! ;-)
Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus.
Lord You're worthy of all the glory.
And all of the honor,
And all of the praise."
I forgot to mention in my last post. Two special events happen on the 15th. I'll let you in on one of them:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NANA!!!! :-)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NANA!!!! :-)
It absolutley astounds me that such unethical behavior happens in places that are supposed to be safe.
Anyways, please be praying for my mom. Especially emotionally as she is just so ready to go home. I'm feeling sad cuz I don't think I will be at church tomorrow, but I don't feel comfortable leaving my mom alone after recent events. Thankfully my aunt is here from PA is a nurse, and she can help advocate for my mom's care, I've tried to do the best that I can, but it's hard when it's a field you don't understand.
All I know is that this whole experience gives me a great appreciation for my mom. I can honestly say she is probably one of the best nurses in the whole world. Mainly because she still remembers that a patient should be treated like a family member. They are not just a statistic. I've seen both sides of the nursing spectrum over the past couple of weeks, and I must say that it has been very disheartening at times.
Wish I was headed to wee castle with some of you tomorrow. Summer is rapidly winding down. It has not been the fun summer that I've been looking forward to. But on the optomistic side I still have two weeks to try to make it to the beach once and hit King Kone before it closes.
I'm looking outside at the beautiful sunshine and the piece of glass that seperates me from the outside. I don't know why but I'm thinking of Mike's hampster song.
Well another piece of randomness, but for some reason this is helping me keep my sanity
Anyways, please be praying for my mom. Especially emotionally as she is just so ready to go home. I'm feeling sad cuz I don't think I will be at church tomorrow, but I don't feel comfortable leaving my mom alone after recent events. Thankfully my aunt is here from PA is a nurse, and she can help advocate for my mom's care, I've tried to do the best that I can, but it's hard when it's a field you don't understand.
All I know is that this whole experience gives me a great appreciation for my mom. I can honestly say she is probably one of the best nurses in the whole world. Mainly because she still remembers that a patient should be treated like a family member. They are not just a statistic. I've seen both sides of the nursing spectrum over the past couple of weeks, and I must say that it has been very disheartening at times.
Wish I was headed to wee castle with some of you tomorrow. Summer is rapidly winding down. It has not been the fun summer that I've been looking forward to. But on the optomistic side I still have two weeks to try to make it to the beach once and hit King Kone before it closes.
I'm looking outside at the beautiful sunshine and the piece of glass that seperates me from the outside. I don't know why but I'm thinking of Mike's hampster song.
Well another piece of randomness, but for some reason this is helping me keep my sanity
Another fun day at the hospital. :-P
Mom had another rough night last night, but is doing better this evening. They are going to keep her here till at least monday when they are planning to remove the drain.
I escaped the hospital for a few hours today and walked to a starbucks nearby and finished my homework! :-) SJ is gonna mail it out for me tomorrow, so that's good. The other highlight of my day was nana coming to visit. Fun times.
My aunt and cousin are also coming up from PA tomorrow, so that will be good for my mom. Tonight mom and I are spending a fun friday evening, we're gonna watch school of rock, which I've never seen.
I leave you with these songs that I'm thinking about...
"Be thou my wisdom and thou my true word,
I ever with thee, and thou with me lord.
Thou my great father, and I thy true son,
now In me dwelling and I with thee one
Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
thou mine inheritance now and always,
heart of my own heart whatever befall,
still be my vision, oh ruler of all."
"I will glory in my redeemer
my life he bought my love he owns
I have no longings for another
I'm satisfied in Him alone.
I will glory in my redeemer
His faithfulness my standing place,
thou foes are mighty and rush upon me,
My feet are firm held by His grace."
Sometimes in our lives these words might not feel true or that we mean them. But I've learned that as you're singing these words, use them as a prayer asking for help and letting God know that you desire these things to be true. I'm just thankful knowing that my feet are firm held by His grace, even when I stumble and turn away. I am so tightly held in the palm of His hand that I am not going anywhere. I love knowing that.
Mom had another rough night last night, but is doing better this evening. They are going to keep her here till at least monday when they are planning to remove the drain.
I escaped the hospital for a few hours today and walked to a starbucks nearby and finished my homework! :-) SJ is gonna mail it out for me tomorrow, so that's good. The other highlight of my day was nana coming to visit. Fun times.
My aunt and cousin are also coming up from PA tomorrow, so that will be good for my mom. Tonight mom and I are spending a fun friday evening, we're gonna watch school of rock, which I've never seen.
I leave you with these songs that I'm thinking about...
"Be thou my wisdom and thou my true word,
I ever with thee, and thou with me lord.
Thou my great father, and I thy true son,
now In me dwelling and I with thee one
Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
thou mine inheritance now and always,
heart of my own heart whatever befall,
still be my vision, oh ruler of all."
"I will glory in my redeemer
my life he bought my love he owns
I have no longings for another
I'm satisfied in Him alone.
I will glory in my redeemer
His faithfulness my standing place,
thou foes are mighty and rush upon me,
My feet are firm held by His grace."
Sometimes in our lives these words might not feel true or that we mean them. But I've learned that as you're singing these words, use them as a prayer asking for help and letting God know that you desire these things to be true. I'm just thankful knowing that my feet are firm held by His grace, even when I stumble and turn away. I am so tightly held in the palm of His hand that I am not going anywhere. I love knowing that.
...all my fears and failures.
So speaking of failures. Talk about me being a walking accident. My brother SJ, (aka. stevo, steve, tall one, etc) was walking so fast and I was trying to keep up with him. On the way to the parking lot we saw a wild turkey with her babies (SO CUTE), but this was the weirdest turkey I had ever laid eyes on. It had super jumping powers and was trying to attack a squirrel. It was awesome :-) Anyways, back to the walking. My knee has been bothering me for over a week and we approached some stairs. Well my brother climbed the set of stairs faster than a junior higher on red bull, and I decided I would try and take the stairs two at a time like he was to test out my knee. So yes, I ended up falling UP the stairs (I'm known to do this pretty often.) But I hit my foot instead of my knee.
Then we went to the world famous mall cop mall. SJ bought me a new red sox hat which was sweet, so we are all ready to go to the red sox game in a couple of weeks!
Now I'm on my comfy hospital cot, which suprisingly is starting to feel like home because it's familiar. My homework still is not all the way finished and the goal is to attack it now. I also might be going on a road trip tomorrow depending on how my mom is feeling. :) Gotta date to go check out a truck.
Well my hyperness at the beginning of my post is quickly fading so I leave you with this...
"So I pray that God, who gives you hope, will keep you happy and full of peace as you believe in Him. May you overflow with hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
Hope has always been difficult for me, because when I hope I tend to get hurt. Sometimes it's because I've hoped in the wrong thing, and other times it's been because things just don't turn out like I thought they would. But just because hoping can be painful and scary, sometimes the things most worth waiting for require taking a risk. To take that step of hope and faith, even though you might not know the outcome. My theory is that it's better to hope and have faith than to go through life expecting the worst. Because maybe sometimes things will all work out when we least expect them too. So I'm not just taking a little step into hoping, I'm gonna be a risk taker and recognize that God is with me no matter what. And that He grants us the desires of our hearts in His timing and in His way. <3
It's good to be blogging again... I guess you could say I have some extra free time on my hands, and I forgot how much I enjoy writing. So please excuse my randomness and lame sense of humor. Writing is more for me than any of you anyways. ;-) And someday when I publish my wicked sweet book you can say, "wow, I used to read her blog. Her mind was always all over the place." And I will smile and say, yeah... that's how God made me.
night night.
So speaking of failures. Talk about me being a walking accident. My brother SJ, (aka. stevo, steve, tall one, etc) was walking so fast and I was trying to keep up with him. On the way to the parking lot we saw a wild turkey with her babies (SO CUTE), but this was the weirdest turkey I had ever laid eyes on. It had super jumping powers and was trying to attack a squirrel. It was awesome :-) Anyways, back to the walking. My knee has been bothering me for over a week and we approached some stairs. Well my brother climbed the set of stairs faster than a junior higher on red bull, and I decided I would try and take the stairs two at a time like he was to test out my knee. So yes, I ended up falling UP the stairs (I'm known to do this pretty often.) But I hit my foot instead of my knee.
Then we went to the world famous mall cop mall. SJ bought me a new red sox hat which was sweet, so we are all ready to go to the red sox game in a couple of weeks!
Now I'm on my comfy hospital cot, which suprisingly is starting to feel like home because it's familiar. My homework still is not all the way finished and the goal is to attack it now. I also might be going on a road trip tomorrow depending on how my mom is feeling. :) Gotta date to go check out a truck.
Well my hyperness at the beginning of my post is quickly fading so I leave you with this...
"So I pray that God, who gives you hope, will keep you happy and full of peace as you believe in Him. May you overflow with hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
Hope has always been difficult for me, because when I hope I tend to get hurt. Sometimes it's because I've hoped in the wrong thing, and other times it's been because things just don't turn out like I thought they would. But just because hoping can be painful and scary, sometimes the things most worth waiting for require taking a risk. To take that step of hope and faith, even though you might not know the outcome. My theory is that it's better to hope and have faith than to go through life expecting the worst. Because maybe sometimes things will all work out when we least expect them too. So I'm not just taking a little step into hoping, I'm gonna be a risk taker and recognize that God is with me no matter what. And that He grants us the desires of our hearts in His timing and in His way. <3
It's good to be blogging again... I guess you could say I have some extra free time on my hands, and I forgot how much I enjoy writing. So please excuse my randomness and lame sense of humor. Writing is more for me than any of you anyways. ;-) And someday when I publish my wicked sweet book you can say, "wow, I used to read her blog. Her mind was always all over the place." And I will smile and say, yeah... that's how God made me.
night night.
"Jesus I am resting, resting.
In the Joy of what thou art.
I am finding out the greatness,
of thy loving heart."
So here I am in the hospital, exhausted physically and emotionally after having to watch my mom in a great deal of pain yesterday. It was the worst I had seen her, and I'm thankful to see her looking better today. I've been trying to blog for a couple of days now, but unfortunetley our computer/tv that we've been paying for has not been working very well. However, one of the guy nursing assistants has been overly helpful today, and it's back up and running! :) And don't worry germaine especially, i will keep all the boys away from me. But I must say that men seem to make good nurses, so go kevin!
I have been having the most awful time getting all my homework done. I called my professor though and she is letting me mail all my homework to her because last night was my last night of class. So that was very nice of her and I need to get all of my assignments out today. So if you think of it pray that I can focus, my mind is in ADHD mode.
I'm just very thankful for all of the texts I've been getting saying that you all have been praying. Your love and support are very helpful when I feel somewhat alone. This experience more than ever makes my heart break for my mom as she doesn't have a husband to support her through all of this, its been a rough week, so I'm hoping that nothing else happens now that she has this drain in. Seeing my mom in so much pain makes me long for Jesus to come back so that we can all leave these sinful bodies and be apart of God's original intent. To be with Him and enjoy Him forever, in a place where there is no more pain or tears. That has been very comforting to think about.
Well, waiting to take a shower cuz the light is out in the bathroom. But my new friend is already on it. haha. just what i need, but at least my mom and I have been laughing some today. I'm sure now that this is up and running I will be on here a lot, because getting my thoughts out of my crazy head has always been helpful for me.
In the Joy of what thou art.
I am finding out the greatness,
of thy loving heart."
So here I am in the hospital, exhausted physically and emotionally after having to watch my mom in a great deal of pain yesterday. It was the worst I had seen her, and I'm thankful to see her looking better today. I've been trying to blog for a couple of days now, but unfortunetley our computer/tv that we've been paying for has not been working very well. However, one of the guy nursing assistants has been overly helpful today, and it's back up and running! :) And don't worry germaine especially, i will keep all the boys away from me. But I must say that men seem to make good nurses, so go kevin!
I have been having the most awful time getting all my homework done. I called my professor though and she is letting me mail all my homework to her because last night was my last night of class. So that was very nice of her and I need to get all of my assignments out today. So if you think of it pray that I can focus, my mind is in ADHD mode.
I'm just very thankful for all of the texts I've been getting saying that you all have been praying. Your love and support are very helpful when I feel somewhat alone. This experience more than ever makes my heart break for my mom as she doesn't have a husband to support her through all of this, its been a rough week, so I'm hoping that nothing else happens now that she has this drain in. Seeing my mom in so much pain makes me long for Jesus to come back so that we can all leave these sinful bodies and be apart of God's original intent. To be with Him and enjoy Him forever, in a place where there is no more pain or tears. That has been very comforting to think about.
Well, waiting to take a shower cuz the light is out in the bathroom. But my new friend is already on it. haha. just what i need, but at least my mom and I have been laughing some today. I'm sure now that this is up and running I will be on here a lot, because getting my thoughts out of my crazy head has always been helpful for me.
Ants
So sometimes I just have to laugh at the stupid, stupid things I do. My brother has been home from college for a week now, and since he's been home I've been doing nothing but cleaning up after him. :-) Haha, because you know the ten feet to put your dishes in the sink, is VERY difficult. Well yesterday I noticed he still hadn't thrown his Wendy's bag away that he left outside, so me being the nice, smart older sister I brought it in for him and threw it away. (Maybe this is the part of the story when those who are much older and wiser are shaking your heads. But I'm still young and need to learn by my own stupidity.) ;-) SJ and I were watching quite a few episodes of CSI and at one point he's like, "I've killed 3 little stupid ants!" And I said, "no way, me too!" So he goes into the kitchen... and yup you guessed it. Little ants EVERYWHERE! SJ and I began our own little exterminating adventure that ended up making the kitchen look pretty good. Nothing like bringing siblings closer than killing little obnoxious ants that are about the size of.. well they were barely there. But nonetheless, SJ and I took turns squealing because of the never ending amount of them. Words like "die!" and "Where did YOU come from?" were heard for about an hour and a half, as a bottle of Raid and cleaning supplies were used. So the moral of the story is don't clean up for your college aged brother, make him do it himself. ;-) Kidding, don't bring in trash from outside because chances are you have some new friends living in there. Thank God our friends were small.
Prayer
My mom's fever hit 101 this morning. We are heading to the hospital today to have her checked out. Her fever keeps persisting even with all of the medication she is on. Please pray that she does not have an infection, and that whatever is going on can be fixed simply.
So sometimes I just have to laugh at the stupid, stupid things I do. My brother has been home from college for a week now, and since he's been home I've been doing nothing but cleaning up after him. :-) Haha, because you know the ten feet to put your dishes in the sink, is VERY difficult. Well yesterday I noticed he still hadn't thrown his Wendy's bag away that he left outside, so me being the nice, smart older sister I brought it in for him and threw it away. (Maybe this is the part of the story when those who are much older and wiser are shaking your heads. But I'm still young and need to learn by my own stupidity.) ;-) SJ and I were watching quite a few episodes of CSI and at one point he's like, "I've killed 3 little stupid ants!" And I said, "no way, me too!" So he goes into the kitchen... and yup you guessed it. Little ants EVERYWHERE! SJ and I began our own little exterminating adventure that ended up making the kitchen look pretty good. Nothing like bringing siblings closer than killing little obnoxious ants that are about the size of.. well they were barely there. But nonetheless, SJ and I took turns squealing because of the never ending amount of them. Words like "die!" and "Where did YOU come from?" were heard for about an hour and a half, as a bottle of Raid and cleaning supplies were used. So the moral of the story is don't clean up for your college aged brother, make him do it himself. ;-) Kidding, don't bring in trash from outside because chances are you have some new friends living in there. Thank God our friends were small.
Prayer
My mom's fever hit 101 this morning. We are heading to the hospital today to have her checked out. Her fever keeps persisting even with all of the medication she is on. Please pray that she does not have an infection, and that whatever is going on can be fixed simply.
Maybe it's because the book Messy Spirituality just came to my mind the other day, or maybe it's because I keep relearning this lesson. When I flip through my bible I've always been amazed that there have been people that could actually SEE God, or HEAR his voice, and yet they still turned away. Because for us in these times we have not physically seen God, and I've always wondered if I had been in the times where you could literally take a walk with Jesus, would I be a more faithful servant? I'm not sure I would be. I want to be, but looking back even before Jesus came, when the exiles doubted God OVER and OVER again, and they did this even though they witnessed great miracles. That David with a heart for God was an adulterer and a murderer. I'm just in awe of a God that chooses people who are nothing. He chooses people who are the "worst" sinners, He chooses people who are undeserving and completley disobedient, but then again... aren't we all?
"18For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 19For it is written:
"I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate."[c]
20Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 21For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. 22Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, 23but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, 24but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.
26Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29so that no one may boast before him. 30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord." ~1 Corinthians 1:18-31
These verses touch my heart because there have been plenty of times in my life where I have felt like nothing. Where I felt like I had nothing to offer, and I had no idea why God would want such a crazy, disobedient girl who feels like she messes up all the time. It brings tears to my eyes knowing that God doesn't need me to complete His plans. He WANTS me. Even with my baggage, even with my fears, and even when I want to run away from Him. He still holds on tight.
And even after He chooses us, He still loves us when we continue to mess up. Looking through Psalms, I'm so encouraged because people like David experience deep emotions. And those of you that know me, also know that I can be juuusst a little emotional sometimes. ;-) Although, for awhile now I've stopped looking at those emotions as a bad thing. I think God made me to be a caring and loving person who feels deeply, and who thinks constantly, because I'm learning that the growing process is going on all the time. I also think He made me that way because it's a great tool in ministry. Being able to share in the journey of others as they experience life, the joys and pains, and having others get to be a part of my life is something I treasure. I'm thankful that God knew this even from the beginning. He knew Adam shouldn't be alone, so He gave him a friend... well they were a little more than friends but you get the idea. :-) God lets us experience His comfort so we can comfort others. God put his "little or mini Christs" (like jesse called us in his sermon) on earth so that we can be a reflection of Christ to others. We have God which is all we need, but that He didn't stop there because as our creator He understands the desires of our hearts, and He chose to make us relational beings. And I don't know about you, but I'm thankful I don't have to walk this journey by myself, because I think we learn and grow from one another along the way.
So when you feel unworthy or like a complete mess remember that... you probably are. BUT ("and i'd like to say that's a big Badonkadonk" ~Pastor Darin) that God wants and chooses us who are a mess, and how great of a love is that? He wants us even when we are not at our best, or feeling at the top of our ladder. He wants us from the day we take our first breath, on the days we wish we could erase, and He continues to want us no matter what we do. A love like this should transform us into obedience, and I just pray that my life would always be turning to obedience because I do mess up. But growing isn't about being perfect, it's about becoming more like the One who is perfect.
"18For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 19For it is written:
"I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate."[c]
20Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 21For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. 22Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, 23but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, 24but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.
26Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29so that no one may boast before him. 30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord." ~1 Corinthians 1:18-31
These verses touch my heart because there have been plenty of times in my life where I have felt like nothing. Where I felt like I had nothing to offer, and I had no idea why God would want such a crazy, disobedient girl who feels like she messes up all the time. It brings tears to my eyes knowing that God doesn't need me to complete His plans. He WANTS me. Even with my baggage, even with my fears, and even when I want to run away from Him. He still holds on tight.
And even after He chooses us, He still loves us when we continue to mess up. Looking through Psalms, I'm so encouraged because people like David experience deep emotions. And those of you that know me, also know that I can be juuusst a little emotional sometimes. ;-) Although, for awhile now I've stopped looking at those emotions as a bad thing. I think God made me to be a caring and loving person who feels deeply, and who thinks constantly, because I'm learning that the growing process is going on all the time. I also think He made me that way because it's a great tool in ministry. Being able to share in the journey of others as they experience life, the joys and pains, and having others get to be a part of my life is something I treasure. I'm thankful that God knew this even from the beginning. He knew Adam shouldn't be alone, so He gave him a friend... well they were a little more than friends but you get the idea. :-) God lets us experience His comfort so we can comfort others. God put his "little or mini Christs" (like jesse called us in his sermon) on earth so that we can be a reflection of Christ to others. We have God which is all we need, but that He didn't stop there because as our creator He understands the desires of our hearts, and He chose to make us relational beings. And I don't know about you, but I'm thankful I don't have to walk this journey by myself, because I think we learn and grow from one another along the way.
So when you feel unworthy or like a complete mess remember that... you probably are. BUT ("and i'd like to say that's a big Badonkadonk" ~Pastor Darin) that God wants and chooses us who are a mess, and how great of a love is that? He wants us even when we are not at our best, or feeling at the top of our ladder. He wants us from the day we take our first breath, on the days we wish we could erase, and He continues to want us no matter what we do. A love like this should transform us into obedience, and I just pray that my life would always be turning to obedience because I do mess up. But growing isn't about being perfect, it's about becoming more like the One who is perfect.
Blogging:
This is my first post in forever. You can also subscribe to my feed now which there is a link in the left hand column :-)
Music:
David Crowder Band is back in action with a new CD coming out in September! Check out their new song that I am falling in love with. The link and some of the lyrics are posted below:
David Crowder Band Myspace
"And I realize just how beautiful you are, and how great your affections are for me.....We are his portion and He is our prize, Drawn to redemtion by the grace in his eyes, If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking." ~DCB
This is my new favorite love song:
Quote:
"Good teaching comes not from behind the desk, but from behind the heart." ~Elizabeth Andrew
Homework:
...stinks
My mind is full of deep thoughts, but right now I am so tired and my bed is calling my name, so I'll share another time. Goodnight! :-)
This is my first post in forever. You can also subscribe to my feed now which there is a link in the left hand column :-)
Music:
David Crowder Band is back in action with a new CD coming out in September! Check out their new song that I am falling in love with. The link and some of the lyrics are posted below:
David Crowder Band Myspace
"And I realize just how beautiful you are, and how great your affections are for me.....We are his portion and He is our prize, Drawn to redemtion by the grace in his eyes, If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking." ~DCB
This is my new favorite love song:
Quote:
"Good teaching comes not from behind the desk, but from behind the heart." ~Elizabeth Andrew
Homework:
...stinks
My mind is full of deep thoughts, but right now I am so tired and my bed is calling my name, so I'll share another time. Goodnight! :-)
"I am an arrow, I am a rocket
I am a river and nothing can stop it
Cause You are the target and You are the atmosphere
You are the ocean that keeps pulling me, You're pulling me here
And I, can't get away, can't get away
Can't get away, can't get away
I can't get away, can't get away...I keep running into You
(repeat)
I am a beggar, You are the table
I am so helpless, God You are so able
And when I get turned around You change my direction
You're so perfect, I'm so broken, here You come with arms wide open
Chasing after me down every road
You're always waiting there
bridge:
Even when I close my eyes, I can't help but see
There's no place that I can hide, You're such a part of me
I can't get away cause I keep running into You
I can't get away..."
~Rush of Fools
At the winter retreat a couple of the kids I hung out with one morning were jamming on a guitar and playing this song, and I really liked it.
Reminded once again this morning that I cannot get away from my God and that no one can take His place, because He puts this whole thing called my life together. I love knowing that.
I am a river and nothing can stop it
Cause You are the target and You are the atmosphere
You are the ocean that keeps pulling me, You're pulling me here
And I, can't get away, can't get away
Can't get away, can't get away
I can't get away, can't get away...I keep running into You
(repeat)
I am a beggar, You are the table
I am so helpless, God You are so able
And when I get turned around You change my direction
You're so perfect, I'm so broken, here You come with arms wide open
Chasing after me down every road
You're always waiting there
bridge:
Even when I close my eyes, I can't help but see
There's no place that I can hide, You're such a part of me
I can't get away cause I keep running into You
I can't get away..."
~Rush of Fools
At the winter retreat a couple of the kids I hung out with one morning were jamming on a guitar and playing this song, and I really liked it.
Reminded once again this morning that I cannot get away from my God and that no one can take His place, because He puts this whole thing called my life together. I love knowing that.
So it's official... for the first time in 5 years I will not be going overseas for the summer. I had 3 random people ask me today if I'm going back to Namibia, so it's been hard not to think about it.
Money is definetley the biggest issue... and all of my school loans, so I'm hoping if I'm responsible this summer and work hard then maybe I can go to Namibia for Toivo's graduation in 2010!
Today was kind of a hard day for me at work because my desire to please people sometimes reaches ridiculous proportions. I just don't like to dissapoint people, and the amount of pressure I put on myself can be awful sometimes. So this week I have decided to stop feeling guilty over the stupidist things that are out of my control and trying not to please man so much. I need to remember like my previous post that I am who I am, and I need to stop apologizing for that. I'm just so thankful that God loves me for who I am, even when I'm not happy with myself. More and more I understand that this all stems back to not having a consistent father figure in my life growing up. I didn't have a dad to reassure me that I'm a princess, or beautiful, or smart or that he's proud of me. And I think without that reassurance growing up it really has made me feel... insignificant, not valuable, all of those things that no woman wants to feel. So it's been one of those days where I feel the battle. Trying to view myself as God sees me and trying to ignore the lies in my head. But even in moments like today I know that I'm so blessed and that I have such great friends and family who love me enough to listen and smack me over the head when I start to feel this way.
So I'm ending this knowing that I am loved, a child of God, who is special, unique, and precious. That I am created just the way He wanted to be, and that He wants me to seek to please Him, not those around me. So I'm just praying that I will continue to grow in this area of my life. And with God's help I have no doubt He will help me! :)
Alright, I better go practice some geetar for my lesson tomorrow before jesse pulls out the metal spoon! haha :)
Money is definetley the biggest issue... and all of my school loans, so I'm hoping if I'm responsible this summer and work hard then maybe I can go to Namibia for Toivo's graduation in 2010!
Today was kind of a hard day for me at work because my desire to please people sometimes reaches ridiculous proportions. I just don't like to dissapoint people, and the amount of pressure I put on myself can be awful sometimes. So this week I have decided to stop feeling guilty over the stupidist things that are out of my control and trying not to please man so much. I need to remember like my previous post that I am who I am, and I need to stop apologizing for that. I'm just so thankful that God loves me for who I am, even when I'm not happy with myself. More and more I understand that this all stems back to not having a consistent father figure in my life growing up. I didn't have a dad to reassure me that I'm a princess, or beautiful, or smart or that he's proud of me. And I think without that reassurance growing up it really has made me feel... insignificant, not valuable, all of those things that no woman wants to feel. So it's been one of those days where I feel the battle. Trying to view myself as God sees me and trying to ignore the lies in my head. But even in moments like today I know that I'm so blessed and that I have such great friends and family who love me enough to listen and smack me over the head when I start to feel this way.
So I'm ending this knowing that I am loved, a child of God, who is special, unique, and precious. That I am created just the way He wanted to be, and that He wants me to seek to please Him, not those around me. So I'm just praying that I will continue to grow in this area of my life. And with God's help I have no doubt He will help me! :)
Alright, I better go practice some geetar for my lesson tomorrow before jesse pulls out the metal spoon! haha :)
So it was mentioned last night that I haven't blogged in a long time. And I was like... oh yeah! :) To tell you the truth I have been so busy. I'm blessed because I have been able to have a lot of fun things to do, and a lot going on.
It's been warmer the past couple of days, and the long awaited sunshine is an instant mood booster! I love putting my sunglasses on and driving with the windows down, getting to feel the wind through my hair, and having the music cranked up! :)
I've been feeling really at peace the past couple of weeks. I think lately it's like I'm really starting to comprehend that God's love for me is not based on my actions. I worry so much about everything, and making mistakes, and worry so much about "bad vs. good." I've been struggling a lot with this since I started having conversations this past summer, and wondering what faith looks like. And I think I'm growing into what my faith looks like in life if that makes sense...? I've been so caught up in the legalistic side of my faith more than I thought, and have been so judgemental in the past. And I've really been trying more than ever to live and enjoy life, love people, and seek Jesus.
I've been noticing God in the smaller things in life. And have decided that I am who I am, and I need to stop beating myself up for that. I might not be able to remember all the bible stories as well as I want to, or speak as eloquently as I want to be able to, or sing or play guitar as well as I want to. But God made me special and I don't know what has changed, but latley I do feel special and loved and that God truly loves me, being a sinner and all. It's just a nice feeling.
So now this very loved and treasured girl is going to continue to listen to the happy summer sounding music of paul wright, and will hopefully clean her room! :) I will also stop beating myself up over the fact that my room is a mess, because my room is a mess because I'm always out and about spending time with people, and I suppose that's not a bad thing. :)
peace out, yo! ;) oh yeah and the pics below make me REALLY happy! :)
It's been warmer the past couple of days, and the long awaited sunshine is an instant mood booster! I love putting my sunglasses on and driving with the windows down, getting to feel the wind through my hair, and having the music cranked up! :)
I've been feeling really at peace the past couple of weeks. I think lately it's like I'm really starting to comprehend that God's love for me is not based on my actions. I worry so much about everything, and making mistakes, and worry so much about "bad vs. good." I've been struggling a lot with this since I started having conversations this past summer, and wondering what faith looks like. And I think I'm growing into what my faith looks like in life if that makes sense...? I've been so caught up in the legalistic side of my faith more than I thought, and have been so judgemental in the past. And I've really been trying more than ever to live and enjoy life, love people, and seek Jesus.
I've been noticing God in the smaller things in life. And have decided that I am who I am, and I need to stop beating myself up for that. I might not be able to remember all the bible stories as well as I want to, or speak as eloquently as I want to be able to, or sing or play guitar as well as I want to. But God made me special and I don't know what has changed, but latley I do feel special and loved and that God truly loves me, being a sinner and all. It's just a nice feeling.
So now this very loved and treasured girl is going to continue to listen to the happy summer sounding music of paul wright, and will hopefully clean her room! :) I will also stop beating myself up over the fact that my room is a mess, because my room is a mess because I'm always out and about spending time with people, and I suppose that's not a bad thing. :)
peace out, yo! ;) oh yeah and the pics below make me REALLY happy! :)
This video was so sweet, and I thought this was quite a tribute to fathers and the role they play in their daughters lives, no matter who they are.
Pursued
by Amanda LaFave
January 18, 2009
"Jesus, love and surrender I bring
Jesus, no more to fear do I cling
And maybe, maybe this time
I'm ready to give, give you it all
Creator,
My life, my love
I want to freely give to you
Savior,
my hope, my strength
Oh how I long to be pursued
So take me, just as I am
I'm all for you
Jesus, be the only love I seek
Jesus, your Holy Spirit's transforming me
And maybe, maybe this time
I'm ready to give, give you it all
Creator,
My life, my love
I want to freely give to you
Savior,
my hope, my strength
Oh how I long to be pursued
So take me, just as I am
I'm all for you
My life, my love.
My hope, my strength.
I'm all for you.
I'm all for you.
I'm all for you.
I'm all for you."
by Amanda LaFave
January 18, 2009
"Jesus, love and surrender I bring
Jesus, no more to fear do I cling
And maybe, maybe this time
I'm ready to give, give you it all
Creator,
My life, my love
I want to freely give to you
Savior,
my hope, my strength
Oh how I long to be pursued
So take me, just as I am
I'm all for you
Jesus, be the only love I seek
Jesus, your Holy Spirit's transforming me
And maybe, maybe this time
I'm ready to give, give you it all
Creator,
My life, my love
I want to freely give to you
Savior,
my hope, my strength
Oh how I long to be pursued
So take me, just as I am
I'm all for you
My life, my love.
My hope, my strength.
I'm all for you.
I'm all for you.
I'm all for you.
I'm all for you."
So I'm relaxing and meditating on an amazing weekend where I saw God show up.
I'm in awe of God's love for me and for how awesome He is. I tend to stuggle with post trip blues, so I'm feeling a little down because the trip felt so short. Sometimes it can be so weird coming home to a quiet house instead of the 250 faces you become accustomed to seeing, but all things must come to an end I suppose. It was so great to see how the youth and leaders were pushed to think, experience and discover God. Life becomes so busy that a planned weekend that is set aside to spend time with God and to learn more about who He is, can be just what we need sometimes.
I'm learning that maybe it's time to start acting. I always feel so torn between wondering if God really has me where He wants me or if fear is holding me back from something greater that He might have in store. Maybe I need to stop waiting for details to fall into place. I'm young, I'm single, and I am more than able and capable to do big things with my God. I think sometimes I desire the settling down part so much that it might blind me from what else there could be.
So this is my prayer (also notice my first two songs on my playlist are new!):
"So take me as You find me
All my fears & failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender (I surrender)
Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of Salvation
He rose & conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave"
~Hillsong
My God is great and big, and can perform miracles. He can do things even more abundantly amazing than I could ever imagine. My God can bring me life to the full. My God can help use me to find a set of keys for a friend under quite a few inches of snow and lots of ground to cover. My God is amazing and I am just so thankful that He shows up, and that He loves me. That He understands me when I feel alone and anxious, that He can take my burdens and pain, and promise to help me through it. My God can take away all of the anxiety I feel, and make me feel like a new creation. My God can do ALL things, My God is ALL things. I just praise Him for all He is, all He has done, and All He will do.
I'm in awe of God's love for me and for how awesome He is. I tend to stuggle with post trip blues, so I'm feeling a little down because the trip felt so short. Sometimes it can be so weird coming home to a quiet house instead of the 250 faces you become accustomed to seeing, but all things must come to an end I suppose. It was so great to see how the youth and leaders were pushed to think, experience and discover God. Life becomes so busy that a planned weekend that is set aside to spend time with God and to learn more about who He is, can be just what we need sometimes.
I'm learning that maybe it's time to start acting. I always feel so torn between wondering if God really has me where He wants me or if fear is holding me back from something greater that He might have in store. Maybe I need to stop waiting for details to fall into place. I'm young, I'm single, and I am more than able and capable to do big things with my God. I think sometimes I desire the settling down part so much that it might blind me from what else there could be.
So this is my prayer (also notice my first two songs on my playlist are new!):
"So take me as You find me
All my fears & failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender (I surrender)
Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of Salvation
He rose & conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave"
~Hillsong
My God is great and big, and can perform miracles. He can do things even more abundantly amazing than I could ever imagine. My God can bring me life to the full. My God can help use me to find a set of keys for a friend under quite a few inches of snow and lots of ground to cover. My God is amazing and I am just so thankful that He shows up, and that He loves me. That He understands me when I feel alone and anxious, that He can take my burdens and pain, and promise to help me through it. My God can take away all of the anxiety I feel, and make me feel like a new creation. My God can do ALL things, My God is ALL things. I just praise Him for all He is, all He has done, and All He will do.
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