My battery adapter on my computer broke. My parents just spent $120 dollars for a new one a month ago and this one just died. The funny thing is I think it's a good thing. I have decided to do something. I am making a commitment to only use the computer to check my e-mail 2/3 times a week and for typing papers. I spend way too much on the computer and sometimes look forward more to comments more than looking forward to my time with God. Well God has put a burning fire in me to get in His word. Therefore, my blog, myspace, xanga, and IM will not be in use till March 11th. I am going to use the time I would normally be on the computer to dig deeper into God's word, play my guitar, and pray about lots of things on my mind. I really just got struck last week in a song called "You created" by Caedmon's call:

"You've created nothing, that gives me more pleasure than you.
And you won't give me something that gives me more pleasure than you."

I really want this to ring true in my heart

I just have been realizing that I have been sidetracked desiring certain things and losing my focus on God. That is why I am doing this, I want to use this month and truly have it be a "God month" and to see what he will do with my time instead of spending hours looking at a screen wasting my time, and hoping for conversations when the one who loves me more than anything just wants to be with me. So I will check up on my fellow bloggers in a month and i will see any comments then :-) Until then if you think of me, here are some prayer requests:

• That God will be first in my heart
• Pray that I will recieve the prayer and financial support I need for Namibia this has been consuming my mind, and to help me have peace that if God wants me to go He will provide.
• That I will grow a lot in this month, and that putting this temptation aside will bring a lot of fruit in my life.
• That I will be drowned in God's word and feel His love on me, and realize once again that I am forgiven.
• To trust in Jesus with my life and to be willing to go wherever he sends me.
• That I will make sure that my desires are the same as God's.

So just know that I will be praying for you guys and that I have not dropped off the face of the earth and you know how to find me if you need something.

Love you all and check out my last post that I just wrote about my song of solomon conference. See you guys in a month :-) I hope i will have tons of stuff to share!

Be Blessed & may the Lord bless you and keep you, may His face shine upon you in

I went to go see Tommy Nelson speak this Sunday at a church in Lancaster. I did not know churches could be so big!!! Let's just say they pretty much had their own food court and a sanctuary that reminded me of when I went to go see the Backstreet Boys in 7th grade... I never knew there could be a nose bleed section in a church. Being there only made me appreciate my church back home all the more :-)

So anyways, Tommy Nelson spoke on Song of Solomon... Let's just say I learned a lot... maybe even more than I ever wanted to know... ;-) He used Song of Solomon to show what God calls for in relationships. He went through each chapter, and I think it's funny that no one ever speaks on this book when it really has so much to offer. Romantic Relationships affect all of us at some point and song of solomon covers attraction, dating, courting, marriage, sex, commitment, conflict, resolution, and for sure the art of romance... still processing everything. I think for me I was once again reminded of what I am looking for, and reminded of what a woman of God should look like... i think so often we can get so caught up trying to find "the one" that we forget that we should be becoming "the one." And for me I don't want to be the seeker, Tommy Nelson put it in a really cool way... He said "Keep running towards Christ and look left and right on the way, and if someone is going in the same direction and at the same speed as you are take there hand, but if they fall behind don't turn back." I don't want to spend my life worrying about what God has in store, I just wanna keep enjoying my singleness and I know that God will bring the right person across my path in His perfect timing, because worrying about something I want to happen so bad and waiting for someone when it might not be the right timing is pointless. I just pray that God will help me to just keep running and running as fast as I can towards Him.

One thing I did realize at this conference is that it will have to take one great man to put up with me. I hold a lot of my hurt in my heart and it is going to take one very patient and gentle man to be able to deal with me. I loved learning about Solomon and seeing how tender, kind-hearted and protective he was of his beloved. And just thinking about him makes me realize how much more protective, and loving is my God... so cool! At the conference there was a musician named Michael Armstrong who was there... he played a song that had me in tears the whole time, I want to share it because it is so beautiful and it touched my heart, once again reminding me to hold out for someone who will truly love me like Jesus and cherish me and forgive me for my mistakes. It's funny I wrote this man a note and I was going to have a church member give it to him, asking him to e-mail me the lyrics. But God definetley wanted me to meet him because as we were leaving I went up to him and thanked him and gave him my letter and he said he will e-mail me and he gave me a free CD.. it's a cd with lots of love songs but I love it, you can check him out at www.michaelarmstrong.org he has a very Michael W. Smith feel to him. hehe i am so much like my mom it cracks me up, i meet the coolest people :-) So to end I am leaving you with the lyrics of Michael Armstrong, I hope that it might give someone who reads them as much encouragement and hope as it did to me, and really think about the third verse, because it is only in God that we can find true love, and to find love in another person. here they are:

so here is our new puppy... ignore me and look at the puppy (yay for no make-up!). So i admit it... i pretty much love him... now i just want to get rid of our other dogs (we have five now by the way). So even though I am not really a small dog person he is just too cute. For one he is quiet (unlike our three Chiuhauha's), and he is only three pounds! he reminds me of a kitten because he is so playful and all he does is cuddle... so yeah I have a new friend at home :-)

Quote from our trip Home:
Me: (as we're passing the welcome to New Hampshire sign) "Have you ever been so excited to be home that you just wanted to get out and make out with the New Hampshire sign?"
Alyssa: "Um, no I can't say the thought has ever crossed my mind."
Me: "Well I have!!!"
Great times Lyssy!

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So speaking of being home it gave me lots of time to think a lot. It was good too because Alyssa and I live so close and we talk on the phone a lot and i just love to pray with that girl. It's cool because when we are disapointed, happy, or sad we pray! so cool to have such a God centered relationship I love it! It just makes me think that I am so blessed that God has blessed me with someone like Alyssa who truly loves me the way Jesus loves me. In fact pretty much all of my relationships at BBC have been very God focused. It's nice to have such a great roomate (Rachel May!!!) and a fellow NH pal to slap me upside the head... i love it!

I have been thinking a lot about godly relationships... not just romantic ones, but just relationships in general. I have never had a problem with loving others... its the other way around that I struggle with... the being loved. In fact I have met many people who are so surprised that I will even talk to them because they are not used to being loved at all... and I can't help but wonder why would you ever think that, only to remember that their confusion is like a mirror image of myself. In my life I just have a hard time accepting people love me... I know a huge amount of this has to do with my past, but God isn't letting me hide my past under the carpet any longer... in fact I have had some amazing conversations since I've been at school, and as pathetic as this sounds, I was surprised that my friends still loved me even after they heard all about my life. But then when I think about it they are loving me like Jesus loves me, and I have no trouble accepting anyone else's past so I have to come to grips with my own. To all of you who have asked what I have learned this year at BBC and have I grown up at all...

The answer is yes... God has been helping me heal and putting great godly men and women in my life who have been showing me what true love looks like. I need to stop worrying what people might think of me and realize that if my friends here on earth love me how much more can God love me? the answer? TONSSS MORE!!! How cool is that, that God loves us no matter what we've done. that truth in itself should have us using our lives to glorify God in everything we do. Jesus died on the cross because He loved us so much. His love was not conditional. He felt the entire weight of our sin and He knew EVERY evil act that humans could do yet He still loved us.

So if this is something you struggle with, and you wonder if someone could love you despite what you have done or because you don't think you are good enough, remember that we are called to love like Jesus loves us. You are loved by God, and even though you may feel like no one could ever love you, that you are indeed loved. I think we all need a reminder of that once in awhile. God sent an angel to leave a note on my desk today that said "you are loved" ... sometimes I need to hear those words and whoever did that if you read this, thank you from the bottom of my heart!

I remember reading a story in the book "Messy Spirituality," where a woman told the man she loved that she was a prostitute... as she sat there waiting for the harsh words and the hate in his eyes to come, all she heard was this... "I love you" that story still hits deep in my heart because sometimes we feel like no one could ever love us, yet God puts special people in our lives who change everything. So always remember that a person who truly loves you will love you like Jesus loves you and nothing short of that, and that kind of love is definetley worth waiting for, and should be played out in the lives of all who believe.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!!
Here is my Valentine to you all:

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." ~1 Peter 4:8

Thank you Jesus for loving me enough to cover ALL my sins. Thank you for putting people in my life who do love me deeply. Help me to love like you, and to always remember that someone who really loves me will love me as you love me. So amazing! thank you God! Amen.
<3

I wasn't feeling good this morning and wasn't going to go to chapel, but then I decided I should because Dwight Peterson was speaking.
I am so glad I went. This week is mission's conference and Dwight definetley started off the week in a way I will not forget.

God has been placing on my heart big time a burden of reaching the lost. At my work I am having conversations every shift. When I am in that store it never fails that a co-worker will ask me "what does God think about this?" or "Would God be mad at me about this." It is so insane! Maybe I was just ignoring oppurtunities at home, or maybe since I've been at school I have learned to look for these oppurtunities... I don't know but it is incredible! The downfall is that there are times when these questions come up that I feel so unprepared.

The thing is i know why i feel unprepared sometimes more than others....I talk more about praying and reading my bible than I have been doing of late, I have definetley been getting caught up in my own busyness and I don't want to be that way anymore. You see I sometimes fall into the category of my english editorial that I posted previously. I act like I am too good for God and that I don't have time for Him because my own agenda is too important. I cannot answer my coworkers questions, and God will not be able to use me in big ways if I am not in His word and seeking after Him with my whole heart. I need help being accountable for that... so if you see me around ask me what i have been reading and learning. I think this is an area all of us could use some accountability in, and if anything, having conversations about what God is teaching us will only encourage that learning and growing process all the more. We need to be in tune with God in order to have Him give us the words to be speak. So let's help eachother along on this journey.

I want to reach the lost. I want to be prepared to reach the lost...

this was a quote in Dwight's power point today...

"99% of trained youth workers work with 3 % of the world's teenagers..." that means that the 97% of teens outside of the US have 1% of the world's trained youth workers. How is it that churches in the US can get 50 resumes for a youth pastor opening when there are people all around the world who have never even heard of a youth pastor or youth worker. Today really encouraged me to look and see if I want to add to those statistics. Seeing the globe with numbers of believers and the huge numbers that have never even heard of Christ really struck me. We should be fighting for those lives. Millions and millions of people are going to hell, when we have the capability of sharing a saving grace with them. It made me realize that we are in a war...Grace verses sin and we need to be reaching those souls as hard and as fast as we can.

I'm not sure where God wants me, maybe I will only go on short term missions trips all my life, but I know I need to stop forgetting that there are so many people who do not know my Saviour. People hungry for something they've never heard of but know they need. I need to be praying for those people and that they will be reached. Today really made me think about my future... if I want to be prepared as I can to go out into this world and go wherever God wants me is two years preperation here at BBC enough... or would staying for four and majoring in youth with a minor in missions better. Who knows at this point, all I know is ...

here I am Lord, send me

Watch your television set, because there is no need to go out and search for the beliefs of Christians when you can see how they are living without leaving the comfort of your own home. Discovering what Christianity is all about is only a press of a button away on your remote control and will save you a lot of hassle searching, because what you see on television, and what you will find of those claiming to be Christians is quite similar.

The world’s view of Christianity can be seen, by simply watching the news for two minutes. Christians are loud, opinionated activists, who hate homosexuals and will hold strikes in order for their views to not go unseen. The bigger the signs and the harsher the words, the more Christ-like we are becoming, right?

This unfortunately is becoming the common belief today, because there is no one fighting these unchristian like characteristics. The truth is that world changers are being found less and less, as lukewarm Christians who are not “walking the walk” are multiplying.

This needs to stop.

Too many unbelievers throughout the world are turned off to Christianity far too often, because they are not discovering what they are hoping to find. Christians need to stop becoming more and more like the world to try and attract unbelievers.

This theory is not working.

Non-Christians already know how not to live. They are simply searching for guidance of how they should live, yet are found bitterly disappointed when they observe the lives of Christians who aren’t living like they’re supposed to. Unbelievers are not in search of a hypocritical lifestyle; they are searching for the real thing. So why aren’t we giving it to them?

Christians are called to first, and foremost, love God with all of their heart, and second to love their neighbors as themselves. If the world does not see Christ shining through those who claim to be believers, we cannot complain about how the media portrays us if it is true. If there is no one to show unbelievers what True Christianity is, then all they know is what they see on television, and that is that Christians are just as hateful and judgmental as anyone else.

The purpose of this writing is not to bash Christians but to warn them. Each one of us holds the power to love and edify others, and as Christians we are not of the world, but of God. We need to be that light and show unbelievers that the media is wrong. Let’s become the Christians who make it worth it for the lost to go searching for answers. Let’s give television producers a workout and make the world realize that the news does not hold what they are seeking after.

Conforming to the world is not what the lost are searching for because they can find worldly people anywhere. Deep down they want something that the world cannot offer, and that is the true, loving Jesus that we choose to hide.

We are not lost anymore, so let’s stop acting like it.

"Amazing Grace how sweet the sound. That saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now am found. Was blind, but now I see."