Well everyone, we survived! :) Yessss!!!

I'm trying so hard to end these 30 days with an inspirational post, but I feel blank today. Constantly thinking of all the things I should do.

I guess I'm glad I just stuck to this. I've been struggling so much with discipline lately, so I'm glad I could at least stick to something.

Happy Almost December!!! :)

The Holiday Stroll was tonight. It was pretty fun. I always love the atmosphere. My head was elsewhere though. I've been struggling with forgiveness today. When people hurt you and your family it just takes so much time to heal. All I kept thinking today helping my mom and seing all his crap everywhere is how much I STRONGLY dislike him.

I'm wondering how this Christmas will go. My mom told me the other day never to get married on Christmas eve. I know we will probably never be able to listen to Jim Brickman anymore... so many things will be different. It's so hard watching my mom just hanging on. It's so hard for me to trust and forgive. Hard to love without being scared of being hurt. So hard to be myself when you don't want to let your guard down.

But I am still looking forward to the Christmas season, the lights, the music, the special services at church. Surprisingly even though I was feeling all of this, I did pretty well at keeping it in check. So I'm thankful to God for teaching me that when I focus on Him and ask for help, He truly can take my burdens.

I had a really great Thanksgiving. Although I can barely move today from the turkey bowl yesterday haha. :) I went black friday shopping with erica, manda, katie, and emma. It was fun to get out and see the Christmas season starting to kick off.

I've listened to lots of music today, and have been in a very musical mood. Listened to my new mix cd, the new taylor swift cd which has many lovey dovey songs on it so of course i love it :), and I watched walk the line which I bought for $3.98at target this morning. I love that movie. Johnny Cash has such a rollar coaster life and made so many bad decisions, I'm not sure if he turned around like he did in the end of the movie. But the movie still served as a good reminder that no one is without hope.

I'm so excited for the Holiday stroll tomorrow, and I have two concerts to go to next week!

Plus only two days left to this blogging challenge. :)

What I'm Thankful for:

T he best family
H aving a warm house
A mazing friends who love me for me
N o longer being made fun of for last year at the turkey bowl ;)
K ids, little ones to teenagers, helping them gives my life meaning
S pring, summer, winter, fall
G eorgie :)
I ce cream
V ery unique oppurtunities
I nteresting conversations, laughter, joy, and fun
N amibian friends
G oing places, having the oppurtunity to travel

I have a lot to be thankful for, and I know I don't always remember that. But I know I'm thankful for life and second chances, the ability to love and be loved, to experience life, to smile, to cry, forgiveness, to live life to the fullest.

What are you thankful for?

Happy Thanksgiving! Much love and blessings!

After some "helpful" hints from a few guys, I finally filled my car with Windshield wiper fluid. It wasn't hard at all, and I didn't use directions. Once I found the tab that had windshield wipers on it I just filled 'er up. I am completley car knowledge deficient, which makes me feel a bit ignorant. I think part of it is I've never really had anyone to show me. So I've decided that I should learn some of the basic skills. :)

In other news, I am Oh so excited for Thanksgiving tomorrow! Football, friends, family, and good food! Should be a great day! :)

It's so nice to have SJ home. The house doesn't feel so empty now. I had the chance to hang out with my coworkers daughter again! It was a lot of fun. We went to high school musical 3, and yes most of it was incredibly cheesy. But the cheoreography wasn't so bad, and it talked a lot about the issues that seniors in high school face, although I'm convinced that things like, making big decisions or deciding what you are supposed to do, are life dilemmas that never go away.

I am excited for my next 5 days off work, just hoping I can fill it up with some fun things along with the stressful family get togethers! :)

work, home for a short time, just long enough to fall down the stairs and probably have a nice bruise on my butt, then youth group which as usual was a ton of fun. Tonight's topic was communion and it was a great reminder about searching our hearts.
Now it's time for bed.

The Holidays are fast approaching! Looking forward to working only Monday and tuesday this week! Also having a bit longer to work on homework and all that fun stuff. I love the first signs of christmas. I love hot apple cider and hot cocoa, I'm even looking forward to snow (as long as the big storms hold off till closer to christmas :) I'm looking forward to events like the holiday stroll, and wearing more red. :P

I've been listening to the relient k christmas cd for awhile, and am beginning to pull all my other stuff out again. I'm sure if you were a fly on a wall you will begin to hear lots of mercy me, josh groban, trans-siberian orchestra, and all my other good christmas music mixes.

But, it's not Christmas yet! :) First comes Thanksgiving which is always good times, I'm especially looking forward to the Turkey Bowl!

The abc family has been playing non-stop christmas movies so that also doesn't help in avoiding getting in the christmas spirit! :)

Can't sleep, dreaming again, but is dreaming really living?


I don't know what that means as it is late and I am very over tired. hehe :) but it sounded cool at almost 1 in the morning.

I had a fun night hanging out with my mom and auntie kelly and went out to dinner.

Will blog more tomorrow. Too busy, but I think I did awesome on my mid term! yay :)

Tonight needs to be a late night if I can stay awake. Yikes. Tomorrow is gonna be crazy. Work, study group, class-taking the ed psych mid term, comin home to make soup for work the next day, going to see twilight with a few of the girls at 12:01 am friday morning. Tomorrow will be a coffee day! :)

So... I'm working on an assignment for my educational psych class. Last minute of course :) I am also watching a movie called "a ghost in the darkness" and it's about killer lions eating humans. I'm scared, but my co-worker jeff is making me watch it. That's what I get for telling him about the "stay in your car" signs... woops.

So anyways, it will be fun to see where the few friends I asked the question of will fit in Kohlberg's levels of moral development. Also if there is a difference in answers based on age or gender.

I love the class, but I think I would love it more if I didn't have a midterm thursday night. yikers.

I had a great oppurtunity today to hang out with my co-workers daughter and chat about some things going on her life. Although I now got her addicted to starbucks peppermint hot chocolate, so I'm sure her mom will be loving me... :)

It's times like these where I feel God is using the experiences in my life to help others. One thing I have blogged a ton about and have always struggled with, is self worth. Not feeling good enough, feeling unworthy of love. Today looking into a young girls eyes and telling her the same things I wish rung true in my heart, made my heart soften and understand something about myself. I saw a young girl in pain over the divorce of her parents. I saw in her eyes and quiet nature that she was dealing with feeling unloved. It was one of those times where I truly saw how young she was and all that she was faced with. I felt myself flash back to remembering that I went through so much by the time I was this girls age. And for the first time in awhile, when I said out loud that it wasn't her fault that her parents got a divorce, It's like I realized that it wasn't my fault with mine either. That just like I told her, I am worthy of love. My past holds no grip on me, I am not dirty because of things done to an innocent child. I am not unworthy of love because I have seen 3 "father figures" come and go. That doesn't change anything. I pray more than anything that this young girl does not go through the emotional turmoil I went through and will probably continue to struggle with the rest of my life. I pray that when I told her she is worthy of love and that the things that have happened weren't her fault, that she will listen and believe. So I'm thankful for a time to chat with a young girl, and even though I wanted to be a help for her, it's amazing how she truly helped me realize more about myself.

Also tonight at youth group we did an activity that just the thought of it has always made me cringe.... washing each others feet. The interesting thing is I honestly would have rather washed the 20 or so people's feet in the group before letting them touch mine. It's not like I have gross feet or anything, it's just the vulnerability of the situation. The symbolic surrending yourself to someone else, and trusting them. I really don't know what I've always been afraid of because truth is, it was a very amazing experience. I mean what's the worst that could happen? Someone might tell me my feet stink, hehe, but truly what has always scared me? I think it ties back to before; Not feeling worthy or comfortable enough, to put myself out there in such a vulnerable position. So it was cool to see how earlier I was beginning to see that I'm worthy of love, and then being pushed to the test this evening by doing something I have always been weary of.

The other awesome part was seeing my 14 year old brother. The one that makes fun of me, is verbally abusive most of the time, but watching him wash the feet of one of his peers. Sure I was laughing watching him accomplish the task in an awkward fashion, but I couldn't help but feel my eyes well up, feeling so proud of my brother and all these kids doing something the world would find completley crazy. It brought us together for awhile, and I am thankful for the example Jesus left. To serve. To serve others, not for gratitude or for fame, but to genuinly love and do things that others wouldn't imagine.

1. What do you add to your coffee? enough to get rid of the taste of the coffee ;) hehe, I actually like it better now, but my favorite is peppermint mochas at starbucks
2. What are you reading now? Um... nothing right now, I've just been obsessed with the twilight series
3. Do you own a gun? Sorry, this one made me laugh... hehe! :)
4. Are you registered to vote? Yes! I voted for my first time this year!
5. What do you think of Hot Dogs? I like them.
6. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Yes, I'm not a fan of being asked to take my clothes off, put on a giant piece of paper and be freezing cold while being asked a bunch of questions and being poked. But they are doing their job.
7. Favorite Christmas Song? I LOVEEEE Christmas music, too hard to decide. I've already been listening to it! :)
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Honestly it depends, right now carnation instant breakfast
9. Can you do push ups? ahaha... not well... at all.
10. What was the name of your first boyfriend? I've never had a boyfriend... :( hehe
11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? My purity ring... that keeps turning black... i'm beginning to doubt the qaulity, and my blue topaz ring from my mom.
12. Favorite Hobby? Hmmm... anything music, latley listening to it.
13. Do you work with people who idolize you? Not idolize, but I am told on a daily basis that 99% of people would not do my job, and I get lots of hugs daily. It's great!
14. Do you have ADD? Sometimes lately I feel like I do. Always having to be on guard at work makes it hard to sit through meetings and 3 hour classes.
15. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself? Oh gosh... too many, my jealous nature, being overly emotional... still learning what my psych prof. calls, "self-acceptance"
16. What’s your middle name? Elizabeth
17. Name three things you bought yesterday? Linner at Panera!
18. Name three thoughts you had just now. What should I do? I don't know. Why am I so indesicive?
19. Name 3 beverages you regularly drink. Water, diet soda, coffee
20. Current worry right now? Ugh, breakfast with my entire extended family or go to church. breakfast might win because my uncle is here from wisconson
21. Favorite place to be? Traveling, adventures
22. How did you bring in the New Year? Ummm, mariany's/shenanigans
23. Where would you like to go? Australia, Greece, Italy, Hawaii, Texas, Bermuda again, Ireland.... Namibia of course
24. What color shirt do you have on? Gray/dark gray
25. Can you whistle? Defientley more the past couple of years, the little boy I work with whistles up a storm

If you want some great new music, check out my new friend, Charlie Chronopoulos' Website here.



In other news I was at Panera for 3 1/2 hours today, but I cranked out a ton of homework so that was pretty awesome. I'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed with the homework load of one of my classes and I have the midterm thursday night, so I'm praying I can stay on task and not only survive this course, but pass as well!

I'm thinking a lot lately about what makes me happy. Trying so hard this week to focus on positive things and smile and enjoy life. So far it is working pretty well, and it's been a pretty good week despite some mishaps at work.

It was quite a rainy day today, but oh so profitable, so thank you God for helping me stay on task for so long, despite my recent ADHD type symptoms.

I went out with Meghan tonight and had way too much fun! We went to this resteraunt that was beautiful and way too expensive. Phantom Gourmet was there filming, so that was kind of cool. We had front row seats to this awesome band. It was so nice to get out after a couple of somewhat stressful days at work.

My Posts have been so short, and for that I apologize, but that's what happens when you have this annoying thing called homework.

Tomorrow is Pajama day, Pizza party, and movie, for my little guy's class. :) So that should make for a fun day!

I'm looking forward to it being friday tomorrow. I have no plans, but that will be good so I can hopefully crank out some homework. Only 3 more weeks left for these classes! :) YAY!

This is why I shouldn't be allowed to plan youth group games! :) So Much fun!

I just finally got the assignments done that I needed to get done! yay. But now I am exhausted and my bed and electric blanket are calling my name. It's been so chilly!!!

Goodnight. More tomorrow.

So I'm cheating. I zonked out last night without posting and woke up with a start early on my day off to make up for it. :)

So let's see my thoughts on November 10th were that I love the youth group at CCA. I love planning games and being apart of small groups and guiding them in discussing questions. Lisa and I took the Junior High girls for our small group and it was awesome. The girls stayed mostly on topic the whole time (that is huge!) and thoughtfully answered questions. We were discussing the two commandments Jesus gave and it was neat to see the lightbulbs going off in their heads when discussing the questions.

Germaine played a video on You Tube that took a bunch of scripture and made it a love letter from our Father. The girls in our group said they thought the video felt "stalkerish" thinking about God knowing everything and being there in everything. I on the otherhand felt so loved. I was overwhelmed with the thoughts of Psalm 139 and thinking that God knows everything I've done, everything I am, all my imperfections, all the times I turn away from Him, all the times I doubt, all the times I want to go my way... and... He loves me. He loves me before I mess up, while I'm messing up, and still after I mess up. When I think about myself I don't understand why anyone would want to love me. Yet was overwhelmed with the thought that God loves me. He still loves me.

Today in church my heart felt lighter than it has in awhile. I was reminded in the sermon and the songs that we sang that Jesus came to save sinners. Sometimes I feel like I am the biggest one of all, so it was a really good reminder for me to know that truly because of Jesus I am set free. That when I rest in Him sin has no place in my life.

In other news I had a great evening with the girls last night, so tired now but it was worth it.

My Papou, who I love to death, but who is 91 informed me today that I better watch my weight and lose some and start looking good because if I don't find a man by 24/25I'm screwed. It was a great half hour conversation where I smiled and nodded and tried to convince myself over and over that he wants what's best for me. He also told andrew to watch his weight so that made me feel a little better cuz Andrew is a stick. I could definetley afford to lose some weight but having a relative say it over and over gets old quickly.

I LOVE my new haircut! Thanks Lis!!! :)

So I am in the middle of watching Indiana jones. Kayleena, Gwen, Katie and Kelly are here and we are having a... "Shia Marathon" they are obsessed. So if I can stay awake we will also be watching Disturbia and Transformers. I made dinner and we had salad, chicken parm, and I made dirt for dessert... you know that yummy stuff you eat as a kid.

I have a new haircut and I love it! Thanks Lis!!! :)

3 Chords played last night and they sounded great!

Sorry my posts have been so short. I haven't been very creative lately.

Going out to see my favorite band play tonight!!! Making sure I'm writing something before I forget, haha. :)

I get to spend some time with lisa tonight and I am so excited because we haven't had some quality girl time for quite awhile, so it will be nice.

Listening to Bethany Dillon today, and there was a song called, I belive in you. Sometimes our friends can see the hope in our lives when we can't.

I'm praying hard this evening for my friend and partner in crime at work and am really hoping that there will not be bad news tomorrow.

I must do my homework.

Lots of talk about the end times today.

I've been wicked tired the past couple of nights, like wanting to go to sleep at 8... weird...

The End.

Today I walked into a small gym, where I approached the lady with the clip board of last names A-L. She then checked my name off and pointed me to the ballot lady. The ballot lady then gave me the precious folded piece of paper, not the cheap kind, it was thicker, and the words Official Ballot were on the front. She also gave me a sticker, where if I wanted to I could have gone to Starbucks for a free cup of coffee. Then I saw the curtains. I approached them confidently, looked for one that no legs were visible underneath, and found a good spot towards the end. I closed the curtain and instantly felt more grown up. I opened the piece of paper, read the directions, because I want my vote to count, and started the process. 3/4 of the names I didn't recognize, but I made a distinct "x" next to McCain and Palin. I folded the paper up, and walked to the Ballot Collectors who took my name and address and crossed off my name so I couldn't vote more than once. And then it went... into the box with all the other votes. I voted for the first time today, and it felt so cool.

The End.

Hairstyles: I'm gonna hang out with Lis on Friday and am possibly bringing back a hairstyle I haven't had since I was 8. I guess you will just have to wait and see...

The Election: Tomorrow is my first time being able to vote ever. I'm kind of excited... mainly because it will all be over.

The Pharisees: Why is it so east to create our own rules and regulations and lose sight of what truly matters... believing in and loving Jesus?

Quote from my Educational Psych Class:

"We Remember...
10% of what we read
20% of what we hear
30% of what we see
50% of what we see and hear
70% of what we discuss with others
80% of what we experience personally
95% of what we teach"

This quote scares me, because this is proof that teaching is difficult. It's hard to make learning fun and memorable, and as a hopeful future teacher someday, this quote is really eye opening for me.


My prayer for the evening:

"Open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see you."

I'm listening to the song "Wedding Dress" by Derek Webb and am thinking about sin and how it takes away from God. The distraction it plays to pull us away from Him and everything I strive to live for. Does anyone else ever get frusterated with how weak we can be or how self-righteous we can be in judging others when we are capable of the same things?


In other news from my deep thinking I want to watch gilmore girls season 7. I also have a good amount of homework. blah.

I am taking the NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) Challenge! It's with Pastor Darin and Jackie though so it will be all good :)

I'm still trying to decide on where I will be posting, but for today it's right here!

The haunted house went over pretty well. Gotta go tear things down today and then I can close the book on it and be done!

So I have some random thoughts about last night's haunted house and halloween and in general that I'm trying to work through...

The first is that it was kind of fun to be scary, mainly with the older kids. I was actually feeling quite amused all evening. I heard everything from "you're not scary," to "ahhh!! you're so scary" to pure shrieks just from pointing a fake black rose in their direction. I also got hit on by about 5 junior high boys. My favorite was the one that sat down next to me, took off his mask, waved his hair around like that annoying prince in shrek. Then proceeded to tell me that he was already an "eternal vampire" ahahaha. It was hysterical. But some things weren't so funny.

Motherly instints that surprised me were coming out last night. Do you know what it's like to see about 40+ students from the school that you work at walk through? Some were fine and smiled at me when they recognized me and were giggling at my costume and said, "Hi Miss LaFave!" But then you had the others that walked through with pure terror on their face. I immediatley took my fake teeth out and spoke loud and clear saying it's all pretend and I got my costume at a store just like they did. But a few of the kids I knew really well still looked at me with such fear in their eyes and struggled with wondering if they could trust me even though I was offering them candy without having to go into the vault. Those looks are what I've been thinking about this morning. It's amazing how easy it is to fall in love with the students you work with and that urge in me that jumps out to do whatever I can to protect them. I know it was all fun and games, but some of the kids were so young and the fear in their eyes was unmistakable and it left me feeling awful. Hopefully at school on monday they will be all smiles and say that they saw me. But I can't help but wonder if some of the trust they had in me might be gone.

I also was thinking about an analogy. When we are faced with fear we lose sight of everything. I do that with God. When I am faced with a situation that scares me or angers me my faith completley shatters and it's because I am so in the situation I lose sight of the One in control. Just like the kids who knew they could trust me, couldn't even look at me or listen to the words of comfort I spoke because they were dwelling in fear.

Does anyone ever wonder how Job did it? I don't get it, the slightest thing and I feel my faith crumble. I don't want to be like that. Is it because Job had a good life and had years of practicing his faith without trials? I wonder if that makes the difference? In my case however I have been through some awful things in my 21 years before I accepted Christ, and up till now. My life has been up, down, sideways, all over the place. So I can't help but wonder... if Job's years of practice of getting to know God without facing trials, and the distraction and pain that come with them, made his faith what it was? So that when He finally was faced with trials He was ready for them?

Is that my problem? That maybe I have never truly gotten to a point of knowing and loving God deep enough so that when I come face to face with a trial I don't lose sight of my trust in Him? It was like the older kids that went through the haunted house, years of practice and experience gave them the wisdom that everything was pretend. That was why more of the older kids were able to go through the haunted house and break a smile. Maybe in my faith I am still the small child who is doubting and wondering what is true and real. Maybe I haven't had enough time to stand up before the next thing knocks me back to my knees.

I truly have no idea, but I would like to hear from others about my analysis of Job's life. Do you think the lack of trials in his life up until the time they all hit played a big part in making his faith stronger?