Alyssa and I decided to take a family photo :-) If you're brave enough you can check out our other Christmas pictures.

So only a few more days till I come home, so much of me can't wait, but part of me wants to just stay here... I suppose it's because change scares me. But God is bigger than all of my wonderings.

So trying to get motivated to study has been difficult, when all I want to do is spend time with my friends. I have five finals between monday and tuesday and I am not looking forward to them... I guess I should jump on the studying band wagon, considering my grades like being where they are and I don't want to ruin all I've worked for. Only a couple more days of lack of sleep... I can't wait to be in my own bed tuesday night!

love you all :-)

"When You lead me to the valley of vision
I can see You in the heights
And though my humbling wouldn’t be my decision
It’s here Your glory shines so bright
So let me learn that the cross precedes the crown
To be low is to be high
That the valley’s where You make me more like Christ

Let me find Your grace in the valley
Let me find Your life in my death
Let me find Your joy in my sorrow
Your wealth in my need
That You’re near with every breath
In the valley

In the daytime there are stars in the heavens
But they only shine at night
And the deeper that I go into darkness
The more I see their radiant light
So let me learn that my losses are my gain
To be broken is to heal
That the valley’s where Your power is revealed"

~Sovreign Grace Music

The Process.....

(NYC last year... i miss it! oh well, maybe next christmas when we're rich ;-)

9) Driving around checking out Christmas lights and saying "ooooohhhh ahhhh" every two seconds

(random pic that I found on google images :-P

8) Hot apple cider with friends

(Kimberly and Lori from last year's BBC treelighting)

7) Christmas Trees (REAL ONES) I love the smell and decorating them

(Matteo loves them a little too much ;-)

6) Making Presents for people, and letting my creative side come out :-)


If I put a picture of your Christmas presents....

then it wouldn't be a surprise now would it? :-)

5) Holiday Events- (Holiday Stroll, cheesy small town fairs, BBC treelighting.... ;-)

(lyss and I at the holiday stroll, pic from her new amazing phone)

4) Playing outside- Snow ball fights (as long as i'm doing the throwing), making snowmen, pushing people in the snow, snow angels, walks... you get the idea....

(haha... no comment :-)

3) Being home!

(Me with my "little" brothers from a couple of winters ago)

2) Christmas Music (and Christmas Movies, but music is better)!!!!

1) Spending time with those I love

As the Christmas Season approaches I pray that your focus would be on Christ. I love you all and I'm so excited for this year, Christmas season is definetley a favorite time of the year for me and I can't wait to be home to spend it with you all. God is so good and is teaching me so much (as usual) I'm sure I will be writing more about life soon. I hope this was a fun read :-) If you want click the comment button and share what you like about Christmas or just leave me a fun message because I like getting them! I can't wait to see all that God will do this season.

"For unto us a child is born"

How amazing is this???

"That You were born to die, So I could one day pray for You to save my life"~Relient K

We have over 30 Porter Potties on Campus... yup... gross...

We are on water conserving mode so here is Hannah and Lyss getting water jugs filled by a huge water tank truck that came to visit our campus.

So basically we are all grumpy half the time/ laughing the other half of the time at how ridiculous this whole thing is and how God has a funny sense of humor. It's funny how we have been here all weekend and they are making a decision TOMORROW morning by chapel whether to let us go early, they are even giving us a dress down day to be nice. Hehe... even though there is a hint of bitterness the campus has done a lot to meet our needs. But as a new facebook group said... Send us out! (a song we sing in chapel) and someone commented on the group saying:

"Let my people go" ~Moses

Although we didn't many of us wanted to have a prayer vigil outside of our president's lawn.

We also have been concerned with some of the guys on campus who go around shirtless saying, "No water- No clothes"

I'm pretty sure this is the most drama BBC has yet to have....

So all in all I think our spirits are pretty high despite everything, but either way I will be coming home tomorrow, maybe earlier or later depending on this whole situation. No one's allowed to tell my mommy though because she thinks I'm coming home tuesday if they don't let us go early. I am excited for a much needed break, and I cannot wait to hit the highway :-) miss you all. Hope our misery gives way for your entertainment ;-) Here's an article with the latest updates!

http://www.wnep.com/Global/story.asp?S=5699618

So an eventful week it has been! My double ear infections are almost gone, but unfortunetley my mom is trying to get me a doctor's appointment when I get home to have them checked out because I have had so many this past year, not looking forward to that. But 8 days till I come home! I remember when that number was so much higher! Crazy how time is flying! My dad's surgery went well and he is safe and sound, praise God for that and for keeping him safe. It's always so hard for me to be away when things like that are going on. Thank you for all of the encouraging comments and phone calls, I can't even express how much they lift my spirits and they always come at just the right time.

What other life updates can I share? I'm working again, and it's going well. I work a couple of hours during the week at a school, and I start working at Express again this weekend, something I told myself I wouldn't do again, yet here I go! Gordy (the affectionate nickname for alyssa's boyfriend) came to visit this past weekend and we got to jam together and he took us out to chili's. We had a blast and our tummies appreciated non cafeteria food. Gordy also introduced me to Jessie Daniels who is currently in my cd player and she's awesome!

I think the biggest update is I wrote a new song this week! It's funny how with both of my songs God completley gave me the words and music, because there's no way this mind can normally come up with something in under a half an hour. So here are the lyrics, you can't really get the ful effect without the music, but enjoy and who knows maybe if I'm brave enough I'll play it for you :-)

Can't wait to see you all!!! love you guys!

I cry in the shower
Because it's the only place
Where I can be alone
I'm so tired
Probably for all those days
Praying you'd pick up the phone
But this heart of mine that's been slowly breaking
Says its time to let you go

Chorus:
Oh God
I turn to you
I'm sorry for being satisfied in everything but You
I've turned away
Wanting to be loved
But all along
You were the greatest love of all


Your will
So quiet
But whispered all along
Yet hearts desires
Far too often
Sing another song
Time will tell they say
Doesn't make it any easier
So goodbye for now
I'm learning to love my Savior

(Chorus)

Bridge:
I fell for mystery
Instead of the Creator of it all
It's about time I see
That You are all I need

(Chorus x2)
You ARE the greatest Love of all
You ARE the greatest Love of all

I just scheduled my last semester of classes :-) and am filling out a graduation application

I'm sick which makes me miss home.... alot

I've had a rocky past few days, but I was encouraged tonight by an amazing woman who reminded me of the passage in Hebrew's 6, where it says that Jesus is our anchor. He is the one that is stable and holds us together :-)

I taught Sunday school yesterday... it was pretty neat, but I miss being at a church where I feel involved and feel like I am apart of something. I miss the loving, family atmosphere of CCA, and I especially miss some very special youth group girls who I feel so disconnected from

My daddy is having surgery on thursday and I just want to give him a hug

I love my mom, and I don't think I could be here and survive without her encouraging phone calls and for putting up with me

I'm scared

I'm really excited for the turkey bowl!!! lyss and gordy are coming :-)

gordy is coming to visit again this weekend and alyssa and I are making him take us out to chili's and we can't wait :-)

I've cried a bit the past few days, haven't really done that since October 15th, but thankfully I couldn't have been around a more loving couple and a cuter baby :-) i suppose there is a positive outlook on every situation

I was thinking today that I would rather have my feelings hurt than live a lie

I got to hold a precious baby kitten today!

I'm wearing Jace's hat which I tend to do when I'm homesick because it makes me feel closer to home

This passage of scripture (Lamentations 3) has been helping me:

18 So I say, "My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the LORD."
19 I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.
20 I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.
21 Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.

I really value the truthful and honest relationships in my life and miss them

I need to change the strings on geetar when I come home

Lisa has been on my heart a lot this week and I am anxiously awaiting a phone call (hint hint)... and in reality I should just pick up the phone and call you, but you are at youth group right now so i can't.... stink!

I want someone who doesn't forget to care

Sometimes I wish I could just run away and move to namibia or something and escape myself, but then I remember that running from my problems doesn't solve them

I am so thankful that Jesus is always there because I have been feeling so alone, and I know thats because I have a lot to do before thanksgiving which makes me want to fastforward

Lord willing my best friend will be getting married this summer :-D (SHHHH!!!! :-)


Psalm 139- Jesus knows me like no one else, and He knows what is best for me even when I can't see it or don't want to see

Sin sucks and so does dissapointment

but HOPE does not dissapoint us!

Someone just walked through top floor lounge and in a frusterated voice said, "no more college" hehe... i agree with that sentiment although BBC is amazing even if it is hard

I have the line from the fourth Jesus video in my head- "What in the name of me is going on in here!?!"

"oh no you never let go, through the calm and through the storm"

I'm praying that I can continually learn to encourage others and take the focus off of myself

God is awesome! (In a Joan accent ;-)


Phil 4:6-7

So there are some videos I MUST share with you all. I still feel bad about laughing and rewatching them, but I really believe they are a perfect depiction of how some people think of Jesus.

Even the makers of these videos have a disclaimer saying,
"This is a satirical look at what some people think Jesus is like. Thank goodness He's not."

So in looking at these I hope you not only get a good laugh, and be thankful that Jesus is not like that, but to also think of those around you and be burdened for those who actually believe that the Christian life is what these videos portray. Hopefully they in some weird way will help us be more sensitive to sharing the gospel, knowing the stereotypes that are out there.

There's 4 videos so take a look at them. The first part of number 2 had me rolling, and let's see if you can pick up on my favorite line in number 4.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1020885658453744931&q=vintage21

Pastor Darin i'm thinking you might get the biggest kick out of these :-)

http://www.bbc.edu/college/

yeah New Hampshire Girls with the Pennsylania senator! We were pretty excited :-)

Also if you want to see more amazing pictures of alyssa and i check out

http://s34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/HisStar333/Roba%20Tree%20Farm%20Memories/

It's day of prayer tomorrow on the BBC campus. We are all excited to get a day off from classes to focus on praying. One specific thing that we will be doing is we will go on a prayer walk to pray for needs around campus, and there also will be times alloted for each dorm to go pray outside David Boehning's office. He is the head of the mission's department here at BBC and has been fighting cancer since last year, and he is in Texas getting treatment. So if you think of him please pray. Also tonight we had an awesome time of praise and worship and Coach Davis gave a great devotional on the "ten hindrances of prayer." Tomorrow night there will be praise and worship on the top floor of our library which used to be the old chapel, and they will be clearing it all out and some of the guys will break out the acoustic guitars. It is going to be an awesome day tomorrow, to break away from the normal stresses of life and to focus on connecting with God.

So if any of you are struggling, why don't you join us BBC students in taking a good amount of quiet time with God tomorrow. I encourage anyone who reads this to try it out because we have an amazing God who answers prayer. The whole reason of my blog is to be able to get my thoughts out, but also to have any of my readers come along side to teach me what they are learning, so that we can encourage and edify one another. So if you are so bold enough to embark (hehe) on this mission with me of praying tomorrow, then the catch is that you have to click the comment button and share what God is doing!

I will leave you with this verse, be sure to take notice of one of my favorite words in scripture:

"Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]"
~Ephesians 3:20 (Amplified Version)

So President Bush was in Clarks Summit, PA to talk to Keystone College. None of us BBC students thought that was cool though, he so should have come here... oh well. So anyways, rumor had it that he got ice cream at Mannings, so the spontaneous BBC girls that we are, decided to make the walk down the hill. Of course just in case anyone was worried there were 6 of us and Joy had mace haha... (that was for you mom, but it's true!)

anyways, we got there and there was still a camera crew there! We ended up talking with the owners for about 20 minutes. They informed us that the president was a very nice man, who talked to the owners of Mannings about farming. They said he didn't talk about politics at all and he was just a very down to earth nice guy. And just in case you were wondering... he got prelene and caramel ice cream (i had to ask) :-)

So the following pictures are of us and Mrs. Mannings who shook the president's hand and scooped his ice cream, and all of us with Mr & Mrs. Mannings, and of their cute little ice cream shop. It was amazing, their ice cream is great, here is some free advertising just for them...

Mannings.....

who knows who you might run into!




On that cheesy note have a great night and enjoy the pics :-)



PS: My Picture feaure is being dumb, so these are all the pics for now, there is a few more pics and also one of alyssa and I with Senator Santorum from this morning because he came to BBC. To see those click on "my pictures" link and they are under the Album, BBC Memories 06-07

"God gave us His love even when we didn't deserve it, and one look at the cross is all we need to take our eyes off of ourselves." ~Dr. Jim Lytle

"You yeild your members in accordance to who you are." ~Colin Smith

You know what I hear far too often from the people I love the most? They always seem to bring up the point of how low a self-esteem I really have... the people you love always seem to pick up on the part of yourself that you often try so hard to hide :-) funny how that works out. I have been thinking about this a lot lately, and how I worry so much about what others think. How there have been so many times where I would do a much better job at something if I would just let go of myself and give it my all regardless of who is looking on.

Funny how many times I have already mentioned my "self." I love both of the quotes that I previously mentioned because both tie into the fact that who I am is a believer in Christ. Everything else I do stems out of that. My beauty, talents, attitude, and ability to do anything is all found in Christ. I am the first to admit I don't act like thats where it stems from a lot of the time. I worry far to often and am often fearful of doing the things I most want to do because I don't have enough confidence, but the solution to that is to remember who I am looking at in finding my confidence.

I'm sure if I were to look at my posts from the past year, a lot of them would be similar to this very topic. It just shows how everything in life is a growing process that takes a long time to overcome. I just pray that I would keep pushing ahead and not fall back in realizing that everything I make or do is all Christ's working in me so I should not be afraid of sharing everything that God is doing in my life, because it's all Him in the first place. It's when I yeild my members to Christ, and it's just one look at His cross that I will find my confidence, beauty, and ability to live life to the fullest.

Again I fall back on this phrase...

Life is a journey...
seize every moment

What an awesome time at home... I got to hang out with these cuties all weekend :-)

God has blessed me with such a great church family who I love so very much, thanks to all of you who made my weekend extra special :-)

Can you believe it... 5 weeks till my next visit? ( i think that's a record ;-) Surprisingly though I think it will go by really fast and I have so much to look forward to at school right now... except all of those tests and quizzes :-P, but I'm halfway through the semester already!

miss you all and love you like crazy!

This week has been AMAZING!

Bible Conference was a much needed break to hear from amazing men of God talking about "Rock Solid Faith," and hearing from Sherrie Holloway, an amazing woman of God, talking about grace. One of my favorite parts wass also the singing which has been so beautiful. We have been sitting in the front a lot and to hear so many people echoing their praises to God in a gymnasium where the sound picks up so well, is so refreshing. Not to mention Doc Harris' smiling face and crazy facial expressions, makes you want to sing with everything in you. I wish all of you could meet him, he is awesome! Whether he leads us in singing hymns, choruses, or "spiritual songs" it is always so focused and I love that!

A new song we sang is so precious called "In the Valley" by Sovreign Grace Ministries:

"...So let me learn that the cross precedes the crown
To be low is to be high
That the valley's where You make me more like Christ

Let me find Your grace in the valley
Let me find Your life in my death
Let me find Your joy in my sorrow
Your wealth in my need
That You're near with every breath In the valley

In the daytime there are stars in the heavens
But they only shine at night
And the deeper that I go into darkness
The more I see their radiant light
So let me learn that my losses are my gain
To be broken is to heal
That the valley's where Your power is revealed"

I needed this week to refuel. It has been so nice to have a little break for so much God time, and to just be in God's word so much. I am also a small group leader of four girls in my dorm, and we met this week. I am having such a blast in that position and I see God using me and stretching me. I feel like a new person this week, and it is truly amazing watching God strip things away in my life that I have been holding onto for so long. It has been so nice experiencing that joyous freedom as He continues to teach me to find my joy in Him and Him alone. I have been experiencing more and more that faith is an everyday battle, an every minute, and every second battle. Before I guess I would always look at it in larger lengths of time... if I can just make it to next week... But oh how much of life have I been missing by waiting for something down the road instead of relying on God this very second?

I feel so free and I feel content and happy. Yes I have struggles, and yes there are areas of my heart that are hurting, but Jesus loves me :-) I just thought I would share with you guys some of the quotes that I have heard in the main sessions and workshops this week. I hope they encourage you as much as they have encouraged me:

"God understands our weaknesses and yet He works out His purposes despite our weaknesses."
~Dr. Chuck Emert

"Unexplainable circumstances may be the beginning of the greatest oppurtunities to serve Jesus." ~Dr. Chuck Emert

"Grace shows us that we need to get back to seeing God and reject anything that "dummies down God" like worry and idolatry and to replace it with meditating on God's faithfulness."
~Sherrie Holloway

"Rock Solid Faith commits itself to do the best of things in the worst of times."
~Dr. Don Shirk

"The difficulty in waiting is it feels like nothing is happening, but the adventure is that God is in our days." ~Dr. Don Shirk

"Often times we don't give God a chance, out of lack of faith that He can change the mind of others."
"Our God is Faithful, we just don't have Faith in Him."
"You can pray for needs for yourself and not be selfish, but God says He is going to supply our needs not neccesarily our wants."
~Coach Davis

"Validity of Your Faith is always determined by it's object."
"Whatever hinders serving Christ must be abandoned."
"Emotional decisions short-circuit biblical Faith and Spiritual growth."
"Motivation for doing God's will must be based on rational thinking and biblical revelation."
"Faith just begins, when man's power ends"
"Biblical Faith believes the the Promise of the One who made them. Yahweh is still God."
~Dr. Chuck Emert

"Rock Solid Faith has confidence in the authority of Christ."
"Information that doesn't fill your heart and develop your faith is worthless."
~President Jim Jeffrey

If any of you are interested in checking out the messages you can click the link below. Chuck Emert's were both really good, although you cannot get the full effect without his humorous power points. And Don Shirk's messages were pretty good too!

http://www.bbc.edu/chapel.asp

Anyways, I just hope that God would be teaching all of you how to be the best man or woman of God that you can be. And that He would continue to strip you of the things you cling to, as hard as that may be. As I have heard a thousand times since the summer, God is in control!

Be Blessed and Keep seeking after Him in everything!
love always,
amanda
Hebrews 11:6

Courtesy of a bank Lollipop :-)

Lackawanna State Park is one of our favorite hang out spots:

saying goodbye to maire maire was so hard... i am going to miss this girl so much... I can't wait till she comes back next semester....

Hannah, Jules, Tiff, and Steph dancing to Frank Sinatra in honor of Mary :-)

Also that night of Mary's party Robbie got thrown in the pond, a BBC tradition for the engaged couple to have the guy thrown in the pond after curfew then for all the guys from the dorm to come to the girls dorm then the girl runs out to kiss the guy. It was hilarious and I would have gotten a good pic, cept NICOLE got in my way ;-)

We also had a $16 million dollar black hawk down land on campus last week during chaplaincy emphasis... it was pretty much amazing!

Hannah, Lyssy, and I at the Conneticut Rest-stop on our way home :-)

My favorite place to walk especially at night... my camera died when I was trying to get a good shot, so this one will have to suffice, I love the tree with all the flowers and the fountain lit up. It is so beautiful especially on fall nights :-)

I finished Passion and Purity last week and it was such an amazing story. The ability of this couple to be so pure and protective of eachother and push aside human passion was so awesome. Here are some quotes that stuck with me that were in the book:

"A man's love for a woman ought to hold her to the highest. Her love for him ought to do the same. I did not want to turn Jim aside from the call of God, to distract his energies, or in any way to stand between him and a thoroughgoing surrender."
~Elisabeth Elliot

This quote just really made me think how selfish I can be, above all else love stems from protecting the other person and putting their relationship with God first, wanting to protect their holiness before your own personal longings...

"The disposition... to leave the dearest objects of our hearts in the sublime keeping of the general and unspecific belief that God is now answering our prayers in His own time and way, and in the best manner, involves a present process of inward crucifixion which is obviously unfavorable to the growth and even the existence of the life of self."
~T.C. Upham

"Love... is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask and receive from God... They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be 'in love' with someone else. 'Being in love' first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep their promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it."
~C.S. Lewis

It is easy to have feelings for someone, but to love someone means a road of selflessness, encouraging the other person, and always pushing them towards Christ.

"...God is love;and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God..."
~1 John 4:16

And the only way we can love like that is with the power of the Holy Spirit in us like Romans 5:5 says. Becoming more like Christ each day, loving Him first and bringing Him glory is the purpose of life. So although experiencing love with another person is wonderful, it is not even close to experiencing the perfect love of Christ. However, I do believe that once you find someone that desires to push you towards holiness, and you have a desire to do the same for them out of an intimate love that God has placed in your heart- that's probably someone you shouldn't let go of. A love so pure and as passionate as that is a beautiful gift from God that should never be taken for granted and always cherished.

I love the following few sentences, to be so in love with Christ means to be so captivated that we cannot escape His amazing love. That is the most beautiful comfort to know that we have someone who loves us in the way that love was created and intended for.

"O love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give Thee back the life I owe,
That in Thine ocean depths its flow
may richer, fuller be."
~George Matheson

But we had a reason for doing this. We got to the park at noon, and were told we could ride the rides for two hours then we would have a 2:30-10:30 shift. Which none of us were really looking forward to cuz of the weather. But if we did this we could get $50 towards our 7 day cruise to Bermuda and the Bahammas and ride the rides for free. Since we were so soaked we decided to go on Hydra to "dry off" haha... right... we never were dry but I am third row back from the front all the way to the right in the pink sweatshirt

And here's our crew :-) This will probably be the group for the trip and a few others including Alyssa. By the way... they ended up closing the park at two, so we got to go on rides for two hours, and they still paid us! They said that they were thankful that we still came and brought such a joyous spirit with us. How much of a God thing is that? God really works when you are joyful even though you don't feel like it. As I learned once again in chapel today, even though this is a little circumstance of portraying the fruits of the spirit, when you sow Christ's character into you life, you really do reap way more than we ever could imagine.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit." ~Galatians 5:22-25

I love how I just keep adding to this post :-) So I know this is a dumb prayer request in the scheme of things going on, but I got a call from the guy who is working on my computer back home and he informed that it is basically useless and completley fried. If my family can find the CD, he is going to restore the system which is our last chance otherwise bye bye to my HP laptop and it's not like my family or I can just come up with the money to buy a new one right now. I think the thing I am most worried about is I have many pictures and things I have written that are really important to me and I am not sure I have them backed up. For instance my ethics treatice, and a few very important pieces of writing to me, but either way restored or not restored I am going to lose them which was hard to hear just because I put a lot of time and emotion into them. So I'm praying that I can at least find paper copies of them somewhere.

Update on School life I am hoping to get a post up soon with pictures from our Dorney Park Adventure as well as Labor Day games today. It was so much fun to see all the dorms unified and cheering on you're dorms boat (you could not call ours a boat exactly, it was pretty bad :-) as a few brave souls from each dorm tried to get it across the disgusting BBC pond. It was pretty much stinkin hilarious so hopefully pictures to come!

Classes are beginning to get me intrigued which is a huge praise. Trying to learn as much as I can, and to truly seize this oppurtunity. I've been looking into a lot of things that I would love to do this year, but one thing I really wanted to go to is the National Youth Workers Convention. I started researching it over the summer, but it would be tons of money because I don't know anyone in any of the locations (especially texas which i will get to see someday) so it looks like I will have to put it off another year since last year was also out of the question... except i won't get the student discount... stink! :-) It looks good for the senior trip cruise to bermuda and the bahammas though. It just feels so far away and who knows what other oppurtunities might come up, so I haven't actually decided yet.

I have really been working at trying to encourage others and to be joyful no matter what because I realize once again that I focus too much on myself and I need to worry more about bringing glory to God by loving others around me. Praise God for all He is doing! Here are some song lyrics and a verse that have touched my heart this weekend:

"...Yet married I to Jesus the lamb
this union is sealed
all heaven's agreed
from sin and from moses
I henceforth am freed

My soul then rejoice,
let Christ be thy song,
with heart and with voice
with lip and with tongue"

"To be great in,
great in your eyes
is my dream
To be the one
who makes you smile
is everything."
~Ten Shekel Shirt

"Be joyful always;
pray continually;
give thanks in all circumstances,
for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Hey Everyone, I'm doing MUCH better despite current circumstances. Yesterday was probably the last day of my "homesick/weird" adjustment phase, and I think I am beginning to get into the swing of BBC life. Now that classes have been kicking in, things have gotten a lot better. I am taking 18 credits, but I am also taking a youth min evangelism class where I audited it even though I am still doing all the work, so we might pay some extra money so I can credit for that. So I am carrying a work load of 21 credits which should be intense since the most I have ever taken is 18. I also have to complete this year 4 field experience credits for the early childhood requirements. Here are my classes for this semester:
Old Testament Prophets
Romans
Issues In Early Childhood Education
Theology II
Active Learning for Early Childhood Education
Development Learning
Youth Min Evangelism

As you can tell I switched to early childhood, it's been interesting so far and I'm not going to lie... in all my early chilhood classes I'm always comparing in my head what I'm learning to teenagers and taking note of the similarities and differences to make it more interesting :-) My bible classes also seem like they will be hard and a lot of work, and many big words that I don't understand... should be fun ;-)

I went to Church for the first time last night and at the end Pastor Colin asked for anyone who was interested in doing stuff with the junior high/senior high to come talk to him. So I did and he said he already gave the people in charge my name. So that is exciting, I've only been praying for an oppurtunity to get involved in the church here for a year now :-) So classes are good, I'm making some new friends, and catching up with the old ones. On Saturday I am going to work at an amusement park up here, because I found out that since I am graduating this year I am considered a senior so Alyssa and I are planning on going on the Senior Class trip, which is a Cruise to Bermuda and the Bahammas :-) So I get to go help run rides for half a day, make 50 bucks for the trip then ride the rides the other half of the day, I thought that was a pretty sweet deal. So that's whats new in my life currently. I have a few updated prayer requests though:

~My roomate Alyssa is in New Hampshire right now because she was planning to see an ears, nose, and throat specialist because she has been having throat problems since june. Well she just found out she has mono, and is not sure when she is coming back. So needless to say I miss my best friend a lot and BBC isn't the same without her. So pray that everything works out and she will be back in a week.
~ My little brother will be in Children's Hospital for the next two days to go through a lot of testing to hopefully find out more information on him, and to hopefully find a medication that works better.
~I'm looking for a babysitting job or possibly at a daycare 2/3 days a week

Miss you all, but thankfully I've been too busy to think about it so that I think helped with the whole homesickness thing. I will leave you with the lyrics of a song we've been singing in chapel that past couple of days, It's really beautiful and I love the chorus and bridge:

"The mystery of the cross I cannot comprehend
The agonies of Calvary
You the perfect Holy One, crushed Your Son
Drank the bitter cup reserved for me

Chorus
Your blood has washed away my sin
Jesus, thank You
The Father’s wrath completely satisfied
Jesus, thank You
Once Your enemy, now seated at Your table
Jesus, thank You

By Your perfect sacrifice I’ve been brought near
Your enemy You’ve made Your friend
Pouring out the riches of Your glorious grace
Your mercy and Your kindness know no end

Bridge
Lover of my soul
I want to live for You"

Jesus, Thank You by Pat Sczebel
© 2003 Sovereign Grace Worship

I'm at BBC. The rain is pouring down, making me feel that God understands the hurt in my heart. Yet more than ever I just keep clinging to God and recognizing how good He is. I have a busy week ahead, but God will get me through it. I unfortunetly don't have a computer at the moment because mine decided to break two days before I left, and the one that someone lent me doesn't work with the BBC internet, so word from me could be far and inbetween till it all gets worked out. Just know to those few who actually read this, and who know that I love them very much that you are in my prayers, and that I miss you so much. Hold onto the hope that God is faithful, just like He is faithful in my loneliness right now :-)

May the Lord bless you and keep you, may His face shine upon each one of you,

love always, amanda

I spent a lot of time outside this morning. Sometimes all you need is a little nature, some journaling, praying, and singing to get your heart back on track. I wrote an entry this morning before all of this (you can read it, it's the previous one) and I had a lot on my mind. Yet as I went outside I looked around me. The clouds literally dance for God, the birds sang along as I played my guitar, and the trees stood still in awe of an amazing God. I wrote my heart out in my journal realizing once again, that this life is not about me. It's not about me being scared about going to BBC, but it's about the fact that God wants me there to be able to prepare me for future ministry. It's not about my dissapointment in myself for not being able to say what I want to say, but it's about God teaching me that He is all I need and that even though I am far from perfect He loves me enough to do a good work in me and will give me words when I'm ready. It's not about my desires, plans, and heartache- it's about God's timing and His better plan for my life. I can dream, regret, wish, and want but none of that competes with living a life solely for Him, finding pleasure in Him and glorifying Him through finding my pleasure in Him.

I know it's quite possible that I could forget this in two minutes, which is why I am doing this slowly. Reminding myself each minute that this life is for Him, and feeling God's grace when I forget. As for all of my hopes...? God knows. God will give me peace when it's time to act, and time to guard. I need to stop worrying thinking that because I don't do something I will ruin His entire plan, because His plan will play out no matter what I do or say. But I still think that's a hard line to draw, when to act and when to wait... But God is good :-)

I hope this encourages you all as much as it did me! Sorry for so much writing today, but God proved this morning once again that He never let's go, because He gave me a major heart change.

"Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise
when the darkness closes in Lord
Still I will say:
Blessed be the name of the Lord..."

First off....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDREW!!!!

I cannot believe my baby brother is 12, time sure does fly!

So I woke up at seven this morning. It's one of those mornings when I should still be sleeping, but sometimes anxiety has other plans in store. Sitting here staring at the screen with tired eyes, there is just so much on my heart. Sometimes I will go to biblegateway to look at the verse of the day for some encouragement.. check out todays: :-)

"When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." ~Psalm 94:18

God is the only comfort I need, why is it that I so quickly forget that? I just wish that I was braver. I wish that I didn't get teary eyed every time someone says, "i'll see you in three weeks." I wish I didn't have to say goodbye to people I love, I wish I didn't have this ache in my heart from saying goodbye, and I wish I could explain how I feel.

haha... boy do I wish a lot. It's just I have that quote that I've been trying to live my life by- "Life is a journey, seize every moment." I've come to the conclusion that I suck at that. It also doesn't help after seeing World Trade Center. I'd say the biggest theme that struck me is when you wake up to that alarm clock make sure you make every moment count, because you don't know what today is going to hold. It just seems to be such a fine line between seizing a moment, and not pushing God's plans too fast. Knowing how much to say and when to stop and guard your heart. All way to confusing for me to figure out. Sometimes I would love to be able to just open my mouth and have everything come tumbling out, but I have a feeling if I did that I wouldn't be able to stop for a long time and I might say something that breaks the waiting on God's timing thing. A very ironique idea from a recent conversation, how I regret not saying some things, yet I fear that I might regret something I might say. I hate waking up feeling anxious and with regrets, but maybe the fact that I keep my deepest thoughts so close, is that it is my form of protecting myself from more hurt when I leave. Selfish? maybe...

I'm scared to leave because that ache in my heart only gets bigger as soon as I pull onto that BBC campus. Although I am so tempted to just drop out, I'm going to let God stretch me one more time through BBC. I have one more year. I know it will be hard, I know I will be crying on alyssa a lot, and I know that a lot of my heart will still be in New Hampshire. But God is going to get me through just like He did last year, and Lord willing He is going to bless me with an Associate's degree, and send me home to find the other piece of my heart again. Until then I will cling to the verse I memorized when I was 13:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct Your paths." ~Proverbs 3:5-6

I will also cling to this song that talks about God casting out fear, and that we need to hold onto hope of a day when all of these troubles will fade away, but listen to this line- "But until that day comes still I will praise you." I hope that this year teaches me to be joyful in my sorrows and worries and that I will develop a more praising heart. Thanks for reading and know that I love you all so much. If you think of it please pray that I live out all of what I just said. I will leave you with the chorus to this Matt Redman song, it's such a good reminder that through every up, and every down God NEVER lets go.

"Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me"

This song has been my theme song the past few weeks....

"Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
Seems i dont know where to start
But its now i feel your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I dont see I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises i still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see you prepare
But its now that I feel your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

The only place I can go is into your arms
Where I throw to you my feeble prayers in brokeness
I can see that this is your will for me
Help me to know you are near"

Jeremy Camp's lyrics resonate with my heart so much. Life is full of questions, uncertainty, and pain. Yet God is still always faithful :-) I've come to decide that part of His faithfulness is trusting in Him and giving Him the chance to show us that He is faithful. A speaker at TLC said that it is easy for someone with lots of blessings to praise God and to trust in Him, but a faith that is really deep is one that can still trust in God when things are not going so hot.

I have so many questions and a desire for so many answers- yet I love how his lyrics portray a person who is so helpless. In life none of us know where to begin, and when God "slowly unwinds" the answers, we need to remember what a joy it is to experience seeing our hearts, that only He could have prepared, and how everything fits together so perfectly. Yet Jeremy Camp's honesty that even though he recognizes God's sovreignty, he still has so many struggles and doubts, but he says even in all of that, even when he cannot see, he will choose to believe. Faith is so amazing when you really think about what it means! It is so comforting to know that we can go to God absolutley broken- even when tears won't seem to stop, and your heart aches, God hears our prayers that might not even seem clear to us at the time. Jeremy Camp closes his song with a desire to know God is near. It's human nature to want to feel close to someone, to feel loved and protected, I know for sure it's something I desire, yet even though we cannot see God we can still feel His closeness if we just ask!

That's my hearts desire for tonight... to recognize that God is near. The very common verse in Matthew that says "knock and the door will be opened to you, seek and you will find, ask and it will be given to you" caught my eye tonight. I don't know if it was from the pink highlighting in my bible, but I think God wanted me to see that verse.

I don't seek Him enough, I've been struggling with a lot of things as of late. Feelings that I am not good enough, wishing I could be different... let's just say I am not happy with my self. But that's just it, I'm blaming my unhappiness with myself and my frusteration with life on God. I try and fix things on my own, yet when I constantly fall short, or wind up dissapointed I think deep down I blame God for me being so stupid. Yet every time I end up in tears because lets face it I don't understand anything, I come crawling back to God. Matthew reminded me tonight that the last few weeks especially, I have been going about life all wrong. If I'm unhappy with an aspect of myself I need to pray and ask God to help change me, not rely on what I can do, because God is the faithful one and not me... trust me or ask anyone of my close friends... I mess up ALL the time :-) Yet God is so good because He still loves me, and He has blessed me with a mom who still loves me even when I'm moody, and friends who love me even when I fall short of meeting their needs.

(Abrupt shift in thoughts here... hehe... no good transitions come to mind :-)

I have two more weeks at home, then off to BBC. I'm really struggling with a decision (that might not even be possible) to get an associates in early childhood education along with taking the youth min courses that I feel will be profitable. I've really been struggling with what I am going to do after graduating in May... I would be fine if everyone would stop asking me!!! hehe :-) but since that's not likely, I have really enjoyed working with kindergarteners this past week. And since my dream job is not likely to happen anytime soon, I thought maybe next year I can work at the daycare I have been working at as a teacher. I think it would be a good thing, and a practical thing (i know that contradicts ALL of my past posts :-) but I figure that I could get that job so that I could actually have one, and make some money cuz who knows maybe I can go to Namibia for the whole summer in 2008, I would love to go this summer, but financially that would be deemed impossible. But I guess I should just focus on today and see where God takes me from there ;-)

Who knows... all I know is that I am emotionally exhausted all of a sudden, I'm bored out of my mind on a friday night, and I can't even say I'm anxious about the next couple of weeks... I'm anxious about my entire life at this moment :-) have I mentioned yet how messed up I am? I apologize in advance to my future spouse because the only thing good in me is God, which is very good because there could be no greater thing living in such a horrible person.

But God is faithful so I am doing amazing.... when I remember that fact of course :-)

Sitting on the window seat in the corner, I felt like I was intruding on the precious moment that enfolded before me. She held his hand and leaned in to kiss him, but by the look on his face the length of the kiss could never be long enough. She stroked his beard, his hand, and his arm, but because of the many surgeries he had been through everything tickled. They smiled at each other with such love, and the softness in their eyes communicated years of learning each other. He found strength in her eyes. They forgot we were in the room as they became lost in a moment where every look and feeling was memorized, each touch she treasured knowing fully well that it could be her last.

The intelligence he once had has been hindered due to the brain tumor, and surgeries. Having lost a son only months before, due to a different type of brain tumor, only added to the pain of having to do this all over again. The focus that once came so easily to him was lost as his answers to questions were ramblings about napkins. The shake in his hands was new, yet the sparkle and humorous spirit he always had still came shining through despite the illness attacking his body. This family that has been through so much has made their way into so many hearts, and the eight of us seated in a horseshoe shape around his bed were just a few examples.

Looking around the room at the others around me, I could assess how they were feeling from a few simple actions. Some appeared to be used to these visits, comfortable in doing whatever they could to help. Others looked up when they could and offered the occasional compassionate smile, but for most of the time had widened eyes that always made their way back to the floor or the bed where safety was found in not having to meet anyone else’s eyes. He kept asking about his children, and she kept using every ounce of strength in her to reassure him that everything was fine.

The elders surrounded his bed in the hospice house lifting up heartfelt prayers to the only one who can heal and bring comfort to this family. The oil that was anointed on him, right over his scar where surgeons intruded his body, felt cold on his forehead. Even with such a negative diagnosis, this family’s faith and love is still so strong. Even though this man has been deemed by doctors to have only a few short weeks left, he cares more about the needs of his family.

I feel selfish and scared. Selfish because I worry so much about myself. I wonder and wait for a love like I witnessed tonight, I am anxious about going back to school, and I often get emotional and disappointed when life doesn’t meet my expectations. I’m scared because I am in control of nothing. I cannot control the way another person feels or make them believe any different. I am an emotional mess most of the time going through life just trying to put one foot in front of the other because nothing in life makes sense.

I was shamed tonight. Shamed because this couple is at such a low point in life, yet they love deeper, care more about others than themselves, and treasure each moment in ways I could only dream. I just pray that I could live the journey and have a Faith where even death won’t shake it, and seize every moment like this husband and wife. God has a plan for this situation and for every aspect of life no matter how great or small. God is faithful and I know that He is going to continue showing up in this hard time.

I touched his shoulder on the way out, and held his hand for a moment as I said goodbye. I left the room to leave them to treasure more moments together, but all I have learned and the burden I have for this family stays with me. I praise God for this man of faith who loves his wife so much. Life is so short and seeing how they truly take the most out of every moment gives me courage to do the same. I pray for another chance to eavesdrop on another precious moment that will leave me forever changed, but until then I leave my window seat, and step outside into the world knowing the changes I must make. But the love I witnessed makes me realize that it is more than worth it and that I would choose no other way.

****************************************************
I wrote this after getting home from visiting this family tonight, who keeps blessing me more than they will ever know. Please keep the Burke family in your prayers, and pray with the faith of knowing that God can heal this man whether in this life, or when he gets his new body in the next.

Well everyone, I leave in 15 hours to get on a shuttle to drive to the airport to head off to Namibia. My heart is so anxious right now, but I think it's because my "Namibia drive" is already up and running :-) As pastor Darin would say, "Sleep when you get home" although I am hoping I could somehow get in one good night's sleep before take off, but I have a feeling my nerves will take over. I'm glad I have people in my life to remind me not to worry so much though :-) I just finished a book this morning called "Seizing your divine moment" by Erwin McManus. Nothing in that book was necessarily new (I have a really smart friend who should write his own book) because I've gotten the same advice before. But what was different was many more years of life experience. It is always comforting to me to read another believer's story who is so much farther down the road than I am. To know that I am not alone in the journey called life, and that other people who seem so put together have gone through the same things that I am currently going through. You learned about this man's horrible proposal to his wife, his failure and successes as a pastor, and his awesome heart for God. Probably the biggest thing I got out of it is that if you love God and are seeking after Him, what you are doing is already in God's will. I know that I worry so often, spending hours praying for a burning bush or a note in the sky, when a lot of times we need to just get up and go. Another aspect of the story that I loved is how he tied the story of Jonathan and his armor barer throughout the story. Jonathan was long gone living out God's will, while Saul was back praying for a sign. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be so scared of life that I don't live it. I don't want to miss out on God's awesome plans for my life when deep down you know what His will is, but you waste time praying to know all the specifics. I've been learning that God is so much bigger than practical, and so much bigger than specifics. All we really need to do is to love Him with all of our hearts, and seize any moment we can to love God more, and to share that love with other people. Life isn't so much about getting it right, but about living the best you can by loving God to the best of your ability, and loving others and sharing God's love with them as best as we can. I just saw on my really smart friend's site that "love is the greatest calling." I can worry about everything that phrase means, and worry about all the details but then I miss out on getting to experience all that God has intended. I'm looking forward to going back to a place where I don't worry and I simply live. My new favorite quote is "Life is a journey, Seize every moment." I'm sure it's already a quote or two different quotes that I have merged together, but that is my encouragement to all of you. Love until you have nothing left to give, and I promise the results are rewarding. After writing my heart out I feel much better and I'm ready to get going. Prayer is always good and please check out the Namibia blogsite: http://namibia2006.blogspot.com/ this is where you can look at pictures, hear updates, and see all the amazing things that God is doing. Also you cna leave me comments :-) I like getting those. Love you all and looking forward to sharing this journey with you :-) love in Christ, Amanda PS: I did not edit this post so ignore all the typos and run ons :-)