I spent a lot of time outside this morning. Sometimes all you need is a little nature, some journaling, praying, and singing to get your heart back on track. I wrote an entry this morning before all of this (you can read it, it's the previous one) and I had a lot on my mind. Yet as I went outside I looked around me. The clouds literally dance for God, the birds sang along as I played my guitar, and the trees stood still in awe of an amazing God. I wrote my heart out in my journal realizing once again, that this life is not about me. It's not about me being scared about going to BBC, but it's about the fact that God wants me there to be able to prepare me for future ministry. It's not about my dissapointment in myself for not being able to say what I want to say, but it's about God teaching me that He is all I need and that even though I am far from perfect He loves me enough to do a good work in me and will give me words when I'm ready. It's not about my desires, plans, and heartache- it's about God's timing and His better plan for my life. I can dream, regret, wish, and want but none of that competes with living a life solely for Him, finding pleasure in Him and glorifying Him through finding my pleasure in Him.
I know it's quite possible that I could forget this in two minutes, which is why I am doing this slowly. Reminding myself each minute that this life is for Him, and feeling God's grace when I forget. As for all of my hopes...? God knows. God will give me peace when it's time to act, and time to guard. I need to stop worrying thinking that because I don't do something I will ruin His entire plan, because His plan will play out no matter what I do or say. But I still think that's a hard line to draw, when to act and when to wait... But God is good :-)
I hope this encourages you all as much as it did me! Sorry for so much writing today, but God proved this morning once again that He never let's go, because He gave me a major heart change.
"Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise
when the darkness closes in Lord
Still I will say:
Blessed be the name of the Lord..."
I know it's quite possible that I could forget this in two minutes, which is why I am doing this slowly. Reminding myself each minute that this life is for Him, and feeling God's grace when I forget. As for all of my hopes...? God knows. God will give me peace when it's time to act, and time to guard. I need to stop worrying thinking that because I don't do something I will ruin His entire plan, because His plan will play out no matter what I do or say. But I still think that's a hard line to draw, when to act and when to wait... But God is good :-)
I hope this encourages you all as much as it did me! Sorry for so much writing today, but God proved this morning once again that He never let's go, because He gave me a major heart change.
"Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise
when the darkness closes in Lord
Still I will say:
Blessed be the name of the Lord..."
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