So it's official... for the first time in 5 years I will not be going overseas for the summer. I had 3 random people ask me today if I'm going back to Namibia, so it's been hard not to think about it.
Money is definetley the biggest issue... and all of my school loans, so I'm hoping if I'm responsible this summer and work hard then maybe I can go to Namibia for Toivo's graduation in 2010!
Today was kind of a hard day for me at work because my desire to please people sometimes reaches ridiculous proportions. I just don't like to dissapoint people, and the amount of pressure I put on myself can be awful sometimes. So this week I have decided to stop feeling guilty over the stupidist things that are out of my control and trying not to please man so much. I need to remember like my previous post that I am who I am, and I need to stop apologizing for that. I'm just so thankful that God loves me for who I am, even when I'm not happy with myself. More and more I understand that this all stems back to not having a consistent father figure in my life growing up. I didn't have a dad to reassure me that I'm a princess, or beautiful, or smart or that he's proud of me. And I think without that reassurance growing up it really has made me feel... insignificant, not valuable, all of those things that no woman wants to feel. So it's been one of those days where I feel the battle. Trying to view myself as God sees me and trying to ignore the lies in my head. But even in moments like today I know that I'm so blessed and that I have such great friends and family who love me enough to listen and smack me over the head when I start to feel this way.
So I'm ending this knowing that I am loved, a child of God, who is special, unique, and precious. That I am created just the way He wanted to be, and that He wants me to seek to please Him, not those around me. So I'm just praying that I will continue to grow in this area of my life. And with God's help I have no doubt He will help me! :)
Alright, I better go practice some geetar for my lesson tomorrow before jesse pulls out the metal spoon! haha :)
Money is definetley the biggest issue... and all of my school loans, so I'm hoping if I'm responsible this summer and work hard then maybe I can go to Namibia for Toivo's graduation in 2010!
Today was kind of a hard day for me at work because my desire to please people sometimes reaches ridiculous proportions. I just don't like to dissapoint people, and the amount of pressure I put on myself can be awful sometimes. So this week I have decided to stop feeling guilty over the stupidist things that are out of my control and trying not to please man so much. I need to remember like my previous post that I am who I am, and I need to stop apologizing for that. I'm just so thankful that God loves me for who I am, even when I'm not happy with myself. More and more I understand that this all stems back to not having a consistent father figure in my life growing up. I didn't have a dad to reassure me that I'm a princess, or beautiful, or smart or that he's proud of me. And I think without that reassurance growing up it really has made me feel... insignificant, not valuable, all of those things that no woman wants to feel. So it's been one of those days where I feel the battle. Trying to view myself as God sees me and trying to ignore the lies in my head. But even in moments like today I know that I'm so blessed and that I have such great friends and family who love me enough to listen and smack me over the head when I start to feel this way.
So I'm ending this knowing that I am loved, a child of God, who is special, unique, and precious. That I am created just the way He wanted to be, and that He wants me to seek to please Him, not those around me. So I'm just praying that I will continue to grow in this area of my life. And with God's help I have no doubt He will help me! :)
Alright, I better go practice some geetar for my lesson tomorrow before jesse pulls out the metal spoon! haha :)
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amen!! ;)