I was supposed to meet with my advisor today regarding my desire to switch to the 2 year Associate's degree program. Of course he called in sick so now I will be contemplating my decision till friday. I wish I could make a decision and stick with it. How can a person have an overwhelming sense of peace one day then wake up the next in absolute doubt. Why do decisions have to be hard, and why do I make them so hard? I have prayed, I have fasted, I have made a pro's and con list, and again I face yet another decision where there is no clear answer, and no neccesarily bad option. I do not want to be here at BBC for four years but maybe God has something else in store. I'm not sure, but I want to make sure that I am doing what God wants which is difficult when nothing seems sure. I feel like I am in a dark space running to find light but there are two... and I am not sure which light will satisfy me the most. I am trying to not have thoughts that there might be people dissapointed in me... it's funny but the only people I know who seem dissapointed are my upperclassmen friends here at BBC and that has been making me think. I am just very unsure. I will just keep praying and see where the Lord leads me... and I will update you on Friday with my decision.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
"Stand at the crossroads and look to see which way is good."
here is some of my thinking:
~2 years:
Pro's: less expensive ($40,000), my family is excited about it, I would be closer to home sooner... I have been struggling with being so far away, I could jump into ministry sooner, I would be able to get all my youth ministry classes in, I honestly feel like I would be growing more working with kids than in a class room for two extra years all for a piece of paper. I can always end up staying at BBC if I wanted. I would come out with a lot more bible knowledge than I came in with and even though it is a shorter time I would still get all the classes that were important to me.
Con's: It would be a lower to degree than the 4 year Bachelor's, I would be pretty young when I'm done... I would turn 20 a little under a month after I graduate. I might let people down
~4 years:
Pro's: Higher Degree, In the extra two years I would gain more bible knowledge and theology than I probably would otherwise, I would be older (22) but then again I have always felt older than my age and to be quite honest I feel more mature than a lot of people surrounding me currently at BBC.
Con's: A lot more expensive ($40,000 more), away from home for four years of my life, I feel like I learn a lot more back home around the people who know me and have seen me grow and who constantly continue to push me no matter what level I reach. I love NH and I cannot picture myself being away from home for 4 years....
ugh... and no matter which path I take I still have to take west. civ! ugh!!!
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." 
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I like your blog. You use alot of scripture and that is pretty cool. Sometimes I wish I wrote my blog like that but mine is much more obscure. I also notice your longing for home which... I sort of understand. I long for a place that is not home but feels like home in my heart. Anyways catch you later and God Bless.