sigh... I wrote two songs today....... I feel....... amazing! :-) God is SO good!
correction: I ended up writing/finishing THREE songs today :-)
correction: I ended up writing/finishing THREE songs today :-)
To be honest, keeping God in my life as my best friend, the love of my life is so hard.
I was thinking about the characteristics of a close friend- they listen to you, they encourage you, they give of themselves, they spend time with you, they continue to love the same regardless of what you do. The relationship is reciprocle in sharing deeply what's on your heart along with listening to what the other has to say. You cannot have one without the other.
I am almost done with a thirty hour famine that I started yesterday. And quite honestly this has been the best thing I have done in quite some time. I knew that if I did this I would want to give it everything I had. God has only continued to put more of a passion and burden on my heart for suffering people, as to the purpose of this famine. To raise money for starving children, and experiencing in the tiniest way what their lives might be like, but I have not even come close to experiencing that. Part of me wants to keep going because I have seen the beauty of needing God and needing God alone. That when you take away a distraction, or such a normal everyday thing like eating, it gives you more ears to listen and even more a desire to cling because it is so different. I had such a great night and have had such a great afternoon thus far. I needed to refuel. I have found myself in the past couple of weeks getting angry quicker, not being slow to speak, having a bad attitude at times, and being really anxious. I knew it was because I wasn't having good quality God time, but I had too many excuses- school, work, friends, being too tired, and the list goes on. Yet even with the excuses I always felt this longing to spend time with God that I never gave into.
If anyone were to have observed my life the past couple of weeks they would have never known that God was my best friend. That shames me because it is my heart's desire. But I am continuing to recognize that even our hearts desires can be sinful. I am learning that I need to constantly be assessing myself with this question, Is my desire to let God change me for God? Or is it for myself or someone else?
Spending so much time with God gives me even more of a desire to be with Him and learn more. It makes sense. When someone is a close friend that you love, the more and more you learn about eachother the more you want to spend time together. God already knows everything about me, and yet He gives me new chances everyday. How great of a love that is! It just hit me that I need to be giving so much more of myself. I need to be pouring out my heart, and being a good listener. These things come easily to me in human friendships, but not so easy with God. God is the best friend I ever could have, the best love I ever could have. How often I find myself turning astray. I feel like I have grown more the past 27 hours than I have in some time. What happened to my love to commune with God? To journal to Him, to pray, to sing songs of praise? All I know is that I got too caught up with life, and God helped me rekindle so much of that this weekend.
My next step: to be becoming a better friend everyday to the best friend I could ever have. That means spending quality time in God's word, not just reading a couple of chapters a night as I fall to sleep. I need to be learning more about my God, and then in turn He will take care of everything else. He will be shaping my heart into something more beautiful so that it would bring glory to Him. I just pray that when people would look at me or get to know me that they would see a genuine love for God, and a thankful joyful spirit. How easy it can be that all the joy of a life with God can be sucked away when you focus on what you don't have, instead of all the amazing things that you do have, only by God's blessing.
Oh God how I long to have even the slightest hint of beauty in me that is evergrowing that would bring praise, glory and honor to You.
"The Lord your God will delight in you if you obey His voice and keep the commands and laws written in this book of the law, and if you turn to the Lord your God with all your heart and soul." ~Deuteronomy 30:10
I was thinking about the characteristics of a close friend- they listen to you, they encourage you, they give of themselves, they spend time with you, they continue to love the same regardless of what you do. The relationship is reciprocle in sharing deeply what's on your heart along with listening to what the other has to say. You cannot have one without the other.
I am almost done with a thirty hour famine that I started yesterday. And quite honestly this has been the best thing I have done in quite some time. I knew that if I did this I would want to give it everything I had. God has only continued to put more of a passion and burden on my heart for suffering people, as to the purpose of this famine. To raise money for starving children, and experiencing in the tiniest way what their lives might be like, but I have not even come close to experiencing that. Part of me wants to keep going because I have seen the beauty of needing God and needing God alone. That when you take away a distraction, or such a normal everyday thing like eating, it gives you more ears to listen and even more a desire to cling because it is so different. I had such a great night and have had such a great afternoon thus far. I needed to refuel. I have found myself in the past couple of weeks getting angry quicker, not being slow to speak, having a bad attitude at times, and being really anxious. I knew it was because I wasn't having good quality God time, but I had too many excuses- school, work, friends, being too tired, and the list goes on. Yet even with the excuses I always felt this longing to spend time with God that I never gave into.
If anyone were to have observed my life the past couple of weeks they would have never known that God was my best friend. That shames me because it is my heart's desire. But I am continuing to recognize that even our hearts desires can be sinful. I am learning that I need to constantly be assessing myself with this question, Is my desire to let God change me for God? Or is it for myself or someone else?
Spending so much time with God gives me even more of a desire to be with Him and learn more. It makes sense. When someone is a close friend that you love, the more and more you learn about eachother the more you want to spend time together. God already knows everything about me, and yet He gives me new chances everyday. How great of a love that is! It just hit me that I need to be giving so much more of myself. I need to be pouring out my heart, and being a good listener. These things come easily to me in human friendships, but not so easy with God. God is the best friend I ever could have, the best love I ever could have. How often I find myself turning astray. I feel like I have grown more the past 27 hours than I have in some time. What happened to my love to commune with God? To journal to Him, to pray, to sing songs of praise? All I know is that I got too caught up with life, and God helped me rekindle so much of that this weekend.
My next step: to be becoming a better friend everyday to the best friend I could ever have. That means spending quality time in God's word, not just reading a couple of chapters a night as I fall to sleep. I need to be learning more about my God, and then in turn He will take care of everything else. He will be shaping my heart into something more beautiful so that it would bring glory to Him. I just pray that when people would look at me or get to know me that they would see a genuine love for God, and a thankful joyful spirit. How easy it can be that all the joy of a life with God can be sucked away when you focus on what you don't have, instead of all the amazing things that you do have, only by God's blessing.
Oh God how I long to have even the slightest hint of beauty in me that is evergrowing that would bring praise, glory and honor to You.
"The Lord your God will delight in you if you obey His voice and keep the commands and laws written in this book of the law, and if you turn to the Lord your God with all your heart and soul." ~Deuteronomy 30:10
"The calmer of the sea~ here in this room with me~ So gently welcoming~ the weakest things in me~You are the blood over~ the door of my heart~ What pain you spared me from, How could I know it all? Oh wonderful love You died for me. The power of Your life is in me. ~Father, let your light shine down on me. Father, let your light shine down on me. No matter what the day or night may bring. Father, let your light shine down on me. ~Oh Jesus, You became~ what was my deepest shame~That at your very name~ my calloused heart would change~How could You, perfect One~love me when I have done~nothing that's worthy of~ my freedom You have won~Open up the heavens~Pour down Your spirit~hold me God~ Jesus, wherever You lead~ I'll sing harmony~ Hold me God." ~Bethany Dillon
Today is my Mom's birthday, who I love so much. She is the strongest woman I know. She is compassionate and beautiful on the inside and out. She is amazing and I love her so much. I miss her a lot today because I can't be home for her birthday.
My mom has always been there for me. Every hard event in my life, all the good times, the tears, heartbreak, fears, and has even put up with me at my worst... (I can be pretty grumpy sometimes :-) The thing I admire the most about my mom is her love for other people, she loves to help others, to love them, and to help them know God better. She truly loves people, and I have always admired that and I am so thankful for that example in my life because I want to love people as much as she does.
I love my mom with all of my heart, and I am so glad that God has blessed me with such a great mom. She honors God with her life, and whenever I have a wrong perspective she always reminds me of the right one.
If you see my mom please give her a big hug for her birthday because that's what I wish I could be there to do.
I love you mommy!!! Happy Birthday!!!!
My mom has always been there for me. Every hard event in my life, all the good times, the tears, heartbreak, fears, and has even put up with me at my worst... (I can be pretty grumpy sometimes :-) The thing I admire the most about my mom is her love for other people, she loves to help others, to love them, and to help them know God better. She truly loves people, and I have always admired that and I am so thankful for that example in my life because I want to love people as much as she does.
I love my mom with all of my heart, and I am so glad that God has blessed me with such a great mom. She honors God with her life, and whenever I have a wrong perspective she always reminds me of the right one.
If you see my mom please give her a big hug for her birthday because that's what I wish I could be there to do.
I love you mommy!!! Happy Birthday!!!!
What I'm learning...
God has been hitting me with so much lately. The topics in chapels, classes, and basically everywhere I go has been suffering. I have been doing a lot of reading in Job lately and it has been such a blessing to my heart. I love in chapters 38 and 39 after Job questions God, God puts him in his place by asking a series of 70 questions that show how great God is and how Job has no need to worry or wonder about what God is doing because He is entirely in control. I'm working on a song revolved around those passages, but I'm not getting my hopes up, I have two songs that I've written since Christmas that I don't think will ever be complete. But the biggest theme that I keep getting hit with is that God has a purpose for EVERYTHING... He has not made a mistake ever and He is not going to start now.
Each event in life happens for a reason, and I need to look at it not from the angle of, "when am I going to get out of these trials, but WHAT am I going to get out of these trials." (quote from Dr. Randy Faulkner our chapel speaker this week). So that has all been humbling to me, because I realize how blessed I am, and I am fighting hard because at times the past couple of months I have struggled with some depression. I know that since I am such an emotional person it has it's good points, but I also realize there are so many bad aspects that comes with that. Which is why I know I am fighting a battle, and when I start to head down a bad path I stop everything and just cling to God through prayer and His word, I had to do that tonight, and it was awesome. The coolest thing is that Job expressed deep, deep emotions and still God did not include Him in the rebuking of his three friends. God wants us to pour our hearts out to Him, the good, the bad, and the ugly, because nothing can shock Him or embarass Him, He knows everything about us anyways. I know that I am learning so much, and I learn way more in the hard and confusing times, than when everything is going my way. I had a great week this week. I felt happy, and God put a lot of blessing in front of me, not because I deserve them in the slightest, but because I have a God who loves me and who chooses to bless me with things that I don't deserve. I love this verse...
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." ~Romans 5:3-4
and...
“Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorant words? Brace yourself like a man, because I have some questions for you, and you must answer them." Job 38:2-3 <- these verses are incredibly humbling to me and so are the seventy questions within the verses that follow...
Then after God asks Him once again if He wants to continue arguing or if Job has any answers, Job responds with this... "I am nothing-how could I ever find the answers? I will put my hand over my mouth in silence. I have said too much already. I have nothing more to say." (Job 40:3-5) Job had to feel a mixture of shame, and just complete awe of how big his God is in that moment.
A highlight of the blessings:
* I am going to be a TLC counselor this summer!!! I am so psyched... I am beyond psyched, it is going to be an awesome experience for me, thanks for those that did recomendations :-)
* I have a new baby cousin :-) yes... my uncle is a dad... scary thought ;-)
My Papou holding her :-) I can't believe he is going to be 90 this summer...
awww... i love babies, beautiful... I can't wait to see her...
* The beautiful weather and the fact that I broke out my flip flops
* The Fact that I can go to Namibia for my fourth time this summer and that we have a layover in Paris!!! Tres Bien!!!!! :-)
* 
I am going to Ohio for spring Break!!! I am so excited, and I am going with two amazing girls! It is going to be fun. I am such a country girl at heart, I love small towns where everyone knows eachother and going to the cheesy events... and although some of you will lose respect for me with this statement, I even like some country music ;-) yes... it's true... sorry :-) So it is going to be one fun crazy 11 hour drive, and a great week of friends, sleep, quiet time, and geetar gets a good deal out of it because it (i don't know whether to call it he/she... i'm a dork it's okay :-) will be broken out a lot more than it has been. Not to mention I get to hang out with Papa and Mama May... I can't wait. I hope you all enjoy your week as I will mine.
I'll leave you with the first verse I ever memorized when I was thirteen, hopefully it encourages you this week
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your way acknowledge Him, and He shall direct you paths." ~Proverbs 3:5-6
love you and miss you all, I'm sure pics will be coming soon :-) Know that our God loves us more than we could ever imagine, and that He never leaves us, even when we are at our worst His love never changes, and He always desires to be the one to lift us up... and that... is simply amazing....
"I want to run away, somewhere where no one knows my name and start over," she thinks to herself. But as usual the conflicting thoughts in her head continue to spill over, it's likely the tears will soon follow. Thoughts of wondering what the future holds, yet a frusteration that she can't be happy. When she does feel happy she's too scared to feel it too much, because she has learned that with something good, bad always seems to be lurking just behind. She's frusterated with a God she loves so much, yet hates herself for thinking that God's purpose is for her to be shipped away and to be alone and miserable. She's too scared to talk because she knows that no one can say anything to make her feel better, so she continues to hold it in. She feels tired of putting so much effort into relationships and not having it returned. She feels the pain of others and wishes she could take it away from them, but can't because she's trying to learn how to help herself first. Yet deep down in the core of her being, she knows that there is something bigger, and that she is living for that "something" that only God could have planned. As everyone around her is satisfied with their lives, she longs to do something greater, to find her joy in God and the amazing works He does. She curls up in her bed, hugging a pillow, and looks up into the soft lighting and at the momentos around the room that display what her life has accomplished thus far. As she looks she hugs the pillow tighter slowly accepting and trying to find the joy in knowing that perhaps God has allowed so much pain, and different events to prepare her for something bigger. She clings to that hope with everything in her as she closes her eyes and prays.
He sits in the cancer ward at one of the best hospitals and wishes that he could just die. All of the pain and years of treatments hurt so much, and he wants to go home. He looks across the room into the pain in his wife's eyes, yet through everything they have been through he still can glimpse the bright hope that still shines. They both know that this life isn't about them. It's about them serving God together. He is the practical one, yet knows that without his wife's loving spirit and the love of Christ she displays he never would have made it this far. He takes a new perspective, and fights to live, to use every breath to live for the God who knows when he will breathe his last. Five years later the fight pays off as he is in remission, and still serving the Lord.
She hurts at the pain of losing a father so suddenly. In her early twenties and left with so much responsibility. Her family has helped so many, and has foster kids filling their home. "What's going to happen?" She wonders over and over but the tears never seem to stop falling. She literally wants to die because the pain is far too great to handle. She wrestles with understanding why God would allow something that hurt her so deeply. She can't stop worrying about her mom, and all the kids she has to help take care of. She feels herself spiraling into depression, wondering what the point is to living anymore. Wondering how a God could love her for all of the times she blew it. She finds herself so angry that she wants to run away and every time she does, God always pulls her to Himself. She wants to escape... but she wants to overcome.
Her heart breaks watching so many of the kids turn away. So much potential lost to drugs, sex, and alcohol. She watches them throw their lives away realizing she can do nothing except love them. She hurts deeply wishing she could save them from the mistakes and help them realize that they are worth something.
She takes care of her brothers and sisters, taking on a role at age nine that should never be hers because her parents died of AIDS. She doesn't have any hope except that she will die one day and not have all the responsibility.
He convinces her that he loves her. He seemed to change his mind when the little pink line appeared, and she finds herself 16 and pregnant with nowhere to turn.
His wife dies in a car crash, he wished that he had kissed her goodbye instead of fighting over something he can't even remember.
The highschool mourns for a student who took his life on the football field. Every home game was a reminder.
He got shot on his way to work, it was supposed to be just like every other morning.
Her dad cheated on her mom, and then he left.
She doesn't want to feel so alone.
He's losing hope.
She cries.
Pain.
“ Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked shall I return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD.” ~Job 1:21
"I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."~Jesus (John 6:35)
"A new command I give you: love one another" ~John 13:34
"I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." ~John 16:20-22
"Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]"
~Eph 3:20 (amplified version)
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." ~Matthew 5:4
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." ~2 Corinthians 1:3-4
There are hurting people all around you...
.....what are you doing about it?
He sits in the cancer ward at one of the best hospitals and wishes that he could just die. All of the pain and years of treatments hurt so much, and he wants to go home. He looks across the room into the pain in his wife's eyes, yet through everything they have been through he still can glimpse the bright hope that still shines. They both know that this life isn't about them. It's about them serving God together. He is the practical one, yet knows that without his wife's loving spirit and the love of Christ she displays he never would have made it this far. He takes a new perspective, and fights to live, to use every breath to live for the God who knows when he will breathe his last. Five years later the fight pays off as he is in remission, and still serving the Lord.
She hurts at the pain of losing a father so suddenly. In her early twenties and left with so much responsibility. Her family has helped so many, and has foster kids filling their home. "What's going to happen?" She wonders over and over but the tears never seem to stop falling. She literally wants to die because the pain is far too great to handle. She wrestles with understanding why God would allow something that hurt her so deeply. She can't stop worrying about her mom, and all the kids she has to help take care of. She feels herself spiraling into depression, wondering what the point is to living anymore. Wondering how a God could love her for all of the times she blew it. She finds herself so angry that she wants to run away and every time she does, God always pulls her to Himself. She wants to escape... but she wants to overcome.
Her heart breaks watching so many of the kids turn away. So much potential lost to drugs, sex, and alcohol. She watches them throw their lives away realizing she can do nothing except love them. She hurts deeply wishing she could save them from the mistakes and help them realize that they are worth something.
She takes care of her brothers and sisters, taking on a role at age nine that should never be hers because her parents died of AIDS. She doesn't have any hope except that she will die one day and not have all the responsibility.
He convinces her that he loves her. He seemed to change his mind when the little pink line appeared, and she finds herself 16 and pregnant with nowhere to turn.
His wife dies in a car crash, he wished that he had kissed her goodbye instead of fighting over something he can't even remember.
The highschool mourns for a student who took his life on the football field. Every home game was a reminder.
He got shot on his way to work, it was supposed to be just like every other morning.
Her dad cheated on her mom, and then he left.
She doesn't want to feel so alone.
He's losing hope.
She cries.
Pain.
“ Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked shall I return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD.” ~Job 1:21
"I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."~Jesus (John 6:35)
"A new command I give you: love one another" ~John 13:34
"I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." ~John 16:20-22
"Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]"
~Eph 3:20 (amplified version)
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." ~Matthew 5:4
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." ~2 Corinthians 1:3-4
There are hurting people all around you...
.....what are you doing about it?
Posts
