"I want to run away, somewhere where no one knows my name and start over," she thinks to herself. But as usual the conflicting thoughts in her head continue to spill over, it's likely the tears will soon follow. Thoughts of wondering what the future holds, yet a frusteration that she can't be happy. When she does feel happy she's too scared to feel it too much, because she has learned that with something good, bad always seems to be lurking just behind. She's frusterated with a God she loves so much, yet hates herself for thinking that God's purpose is for her to be shipped away and to be alone and miserable. She's too scared to talk because she knows that no one can say anything to make her feel better, so she continues to hold it in. She feels tired of putting so much effort into relationships and not having it returned. She feels the pain of others and wishes she could take it away from them, but can't because she's trying to learn how to help herself first. Yet deep down in the core of her being, she knows that there is something bigger, and that she is living for that "something" that only God could have planned. As everyone around her is satisfied with their lives, she longs to do something greater, to find her joy in God and the amazing works He does. She curls up in her bed, hugging a pillow, and looks up into the soft lighting and at the momentos around the room that display what her life has accomplished thus far. As she looks she hugs the pillow tighter slowly accepting and trying to find the joy in knowing that perhaps God has allowed so much pain, and different events to prepare her for something bigger. She clings to that hope with everything in her as she closes her eyes and prays.
He sits in the cancer ward at one of the best hospitals and wishes that he could just die. All of the pain and years of treatments hurt so much, and he wants to go home. He looks across the room into the pain in his wife's eyes, yet through everything they have been through he still can glimpse the bright hope that still shines. They both know that this life isn't about them. It's about them serving God together. He is the practical one, yet knows that without his wife's loving spirit and the love of Christ she displays he never would have made it this far. He takes a new perspective, and fights to live, to use every breath to live for the God who knows when he will breathe his last. Five years later the fight pays off as he is in remission, and still serving the Lord.
She hurts at the pain of losing a father so suddenly. In her early twenties and left with so much responsibility. Her family has helped so many, and has foster kids filling their home. "What's going to happen?" She wonders over and over but the tears never seem to stop falling. She literally wants to die because the pain is far too great to handle. She wrestles with understanding why God would allow something that hurt her so deeply. She can't stop worrying about her mom, and all the kids she has to help take care of. She feels herself spiraling into depression, wondering what the point is to living anymore. Wondering how a God could love her for all of the times she blew it. She finds herself so angry that she wants to run away and every time she does, God always pulls her to Himself. She wants to escape... but she wants to overcome.
Her heart breaks watching so many of the kids turn away. So much potential lost to drugs, sex, and alcohol. She watches them throw their lives away realizing she can do nothing except love them. She hurts deeply wishing she could save them from the mistakes and help them realize that they are worth something.
She takes care of her brothers and sisters, taking on a role at age nine that should never be hers because her parents died of AIDS. She doesn't have any hope except that she will die one day and not have all the responsibility.
He convinces her that he loves her. He seemed to change his mind when the little pink line appeared, and she finds herself 16 and pregnant with nowhere to turn.
His wife dies in a car crash, he wished that he had kissed her goodbye instead of fighting over something he can't even remember.
The highschool mourns for a student who took his life on the football field. Every home game was a reminder.
He got shot on his way to work, it was supposed to be just like every other morning.
Her dad cheated on her mom, and then he left.
She doesn't want to feel so alone.
He's losing hope.
She cries.
Pain.
“ Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked shall I return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD.” ~Job 1:21
"I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."~Jesus (John 6:35)
"A new command I give you: love one another" ~John 13:34
"I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." ~John 16:20-22
"Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]"
~Eph 3:20 (amplified version)
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." ~Matthew 5:4
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." ~2 Corinthians 1:3-4
There are hurting people all around you...
.....what are you doing about it?
He sits in the cancer ward at one of the best hospitals and wishes that he could just die. All of the pain and years of treatments hurt so much, and he wants to go home. He looks across the room into the pain in his wife's eyes, yet through everything they have been through he still can glimpse the bright hope that still shines. They both know that this life isn't about them. It's about them serving God together. He is the practical one, yet knows that without his wife's loving spirit and the love of Christ she displays he never would have made it this far. He takes a new perspective, and fights to live, to use every breath to live for the God who knows when he will breathe his last. Five years later the fight pays off as he is in remission, and still serving the Lord.
She hurts at the pain of losing a father so suddenly. In her early twenties and left with so much responsibility. Her family has helped so many, and has foster kids filling their home. "What's going to happen?" She wonders over and over but the tears never seem to stop falling. She literally wants to die because the pain is far too great to handle. She wrestles with understanding why God would allow something that hurt her so deeply. She can't stop worrying about her mom, and all the kids she has to help take care of. She feels herself spiraling into depression, wondering what the point is to living anymore. Wondering how a God could love her for all of the times she blew it. She finds herself so angry that she wants to run away and every time she does, God always pulls her to Himself. She wants to escape... but she wants to overcome.
Her heart breaks watching so many of the kids turn away. So much potential lost to drugs, sex, and alcohol. She watches them throw their lives away realizing she can do nothing except love them. She hurts deeply wishing she could save them from the mistakes and help them realize that they are worth something.
She takes care of her brothers and sisters, taking on a role at age nine that should never be hers because her parents died of AIDS. She doesn't have any hope except that she will die one day and not have all the responsibility.
He convinces her that he loves her. He seemed to change his mind when the little pink line appeared, and she finds herself 16 and pregnant with nowhere to turn.
His wife dies in a car crash, he wished that he had kissed her goodbye instead of fighting over something he can't even remember.
The highschool mourns for a student who took his life on the football field. Every home game was a reminder.
He got shot on his way to work, it was supposed to be just like every other morning.
Her dad cheated on her mom, and then he left.
She doesn't want to feel so alone.
He's losing hope.
She cries.
Pain.
“ Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked shall I return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD.” ~Job 1:21
"I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."~Jesus (John 6:35)
"A new command I give you: love one another" ~John 13:34
"I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." ~John 16:20-22
"Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]"
~Eph 3:20 (amplified version)
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." ~Matthew 5:4
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." ~2 Corinthians 1:3-4
There are hurting people all around you...
.....what are you doing about it?
Posts
greeting from Dallas. I have been here since saturday and will not return until thursday. Powerful thoughts. I'm blessed to hear your heart when mine longs for home as well. I have so many thoughts in response but on;y a little time. I think everyone struggles with the desire for contentment, even those who appear to have it all together. There is however a difference between contentment and complacency, but won't go into logistics. jesse and I are so very blessed with where God has placed us and are so content in our marriage and common goal to serve the Lord... yet we cry and pray togther (well I do the crying usually) over and over at what the Lord has for us in the next phase. We long for a chance to serve fulltime, not just when we get home from a long day at work with nothing but left-over energy to offer. There are desires in our lives to be filled, but unfulfilled desires do not have to be discontentment, but rather hopes and dreams to live for. Prepare yourself (if it's even possible) to take a step of faith when the Lord calls, and you'll find contentment far beyond what you could have imagined or desired for yourself.
I love you,
Lisa
Amen Lisa!!!
I wanted to write something yesterday when I first read this, but had not the "right words"... glad I waited... :-)
I love you manda panda!!!
Love ~G