It's been so long since I last posted, I don't even know where to begin.

All I know is my lack of desire to read, write, and create music is slowly driving me crazy.

Change hurts. Change takes time. Change takes effort and transition. Taking part of any of the previously mentioned activities means change for me. I pick up a book and something strikes a chord. I pick up a pen and my heart doesn't want to give in because the words I write are too raw for me to visually see them. I pick up Geetar and I realize that the music of my heart doesn't match what I want my fingers to play. When avoiding these activities, and as a result avoiding the change that could take place, I am choosing to run.

I've decided why I like to run. When I travel I get to escape my everyday life and a chance to be the person I want to be. To slow down and take time for what's important. When I'm at home, all I can see is all of the things I have to change. What is it that I crave about fresh starts? Even with the knowlege I discovered a long time ago, that running away only tends to make your problems catch up with you that much faster.

So what is it I'm running from? More than I would like to admit. But avoiding God and questioning why certain situations could possibly be for my good does nothing except make me desire change all the more and make my stubborness more apparent. It's like Tara Leigh said tonight. We need to honor our emotions, but we glorify God by giving our emotions to Him. But giving that part of me away is hard, and it requires change. And here we are full circle, back to where we started.

I don't like change.