Life is unbalancable, at least for me it feels like it. I miss my mom and my dad tonight, my parents are divorced, but I miss both of them. The more and more places I go, and the people I meet, the more I feel like bits and pieces of my heart are left along the way. There are the obvious people; your family, and the friends so close to you they are your family. There are the friends you meet when helping out at retreats in different places, friends from the different places and stages of growing up, people you meet on vacations, and even friends in foreign countries. I love all of them, I find it so easy for me to love, the harder part is somewhat letting go. My heart aches for certain people at certain times, and your mind fights with wanting to be with them because as day after day goes by you recognize that life is so short, and you never know how much time you have left with them. Seize every moment. The other aspect is being content and living right where you are. That has been easier for me this semester. I truly love BBC, I love my friends, I love chapel and Doc Harris' smiling face every day, and I love my professors. But sometimes I wish I could have everyone I love with me right where I am, that way I wouldn't feel like I am missing out on something, and could make the most of every moment while they are here. But I have also learned that absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder, you learn to appreciate others more. For example, when you live in the same house with someone (ie my mom, step-dad, and 2 brothers) I find that on visits home we tend to get along much better. You realize how much more you love about them when you are away from them, because you don't have them there anymore... oh how often I take those I love for granted. But with love comes great heartache, because no earthly love can be perfect. That's why I love 1 Peter 4:8 so much... God can give us the strength to love so deeply that it covers a multitude of sins, love is able to forgive and forget, to move on and make better. Love requires change, and selflessness. It means putting the other persons needs above yourself. My mom has been such an example of that in my life, I just wish I could be the daughter that she deserves.



As much as I love and as much pain that love sometimes can bring, I would never trade it, I am grateful for God's gift for me to love and to be loved. As much as I wish I could be in certain places at certain times, I am grateful for people who have crossed my path who have taught me mini lessons on how to love the way God has called me to. So although my heart is scattered, God holds it together because I know that each person I love, whether thousands of miles away or the girl just down the hall in my dorm; all are in His control, and He loves each one and has a plan for each one. And one day in heaven we will all be united...

"I can sing with my last breath, sing for I know, that I'll sing with the angels and the saints around the throne."

That gives me goosebumps :-)

But it is also a reminder to be praying and ministering to those around me who don't know Christ, I want to see them there around His throne too. Praise our God for He is in control, He loves those I love more than I ever could, yet He gives us the grace to love others and to experience something wonderful.