amanda
So it's Christmas Eve again. I can't even believe it. The older I get the closer Christmas' seem to get from year to year.

It's mom and doug's anniversary tonight, they played the song that we recorded for them last year... that was funny because I had forgotten about it.

I love this time of year. Christmas eve service always feels special, and it's so good to see old friends who come around, and make their way back from school or different states. It's nice to sing Christmas music, and smell the Christmas tree. We always have cinnamon rolls in the morning, and SJ is known to wake up super early then wake me up to turn on the 24 hour "A Christmas Story" marathon until everyone else wakes up. (He also sneaks around the tree trying to figure out what Santa brought) hehe... then we send andrew upstairs to jump on mom and doug when we can't wait anymore... oh tradition :-)

I don't know about you all but I'm especially feeling thankful tonight for Jesus.

Have a Merry Christmas everyone!!!

PS: NORAD says santa is in Maine... I better get to sleep ;-)
amanda
Joy

What does that mean?

I know better than to think it's happiness. I've had good teachers in my life who have told me otherwise. My emotions tell me otherwise. People, money, contentment, jobs, status... they tell me otherwise, because all these things come and go. Yet why does it seem so easy to compare joy to happiness? It's easy to think of joy as being the "feeling" you get when things are going well, when you feel comfortable and content. Those times when smiling is easy and genuine. But I think we all know that life isn't always like that. Yes there are good times, but we've all had our ups and downs. So Joy has to be something bigger and greater.

Mr. Griffin said something yesterday that really hit me. And for the life of me, even when I asked him after the service to re quote what he had said, I STILL can't remember the exact words. :-) It was something like, "You can't have joy when you are full of yourself. Joy is letting go of you and letting the knowledge of God and what He has done take your place." He said it so much more eloquently than I ever could, but my attempt at his words is what I learned.

Erica Mariany in a Poem she wrote ended with, "You- my infinite joy."

Or in a Rascall Flatts song, "I hear you find strength in your moments of weakness."

Where does this Joy come from? How do you aquire it? How is it possible to be joyful in the good AND in the bad? In the times when you feel strong, but especially in the times when you feel weak? When there's death, hurt, pain, and sorrow?

There must be an answer.

"Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord." ~1 Corinthians 1:26-31

I think that joy comes from knowing what we were, and then knowing what we are now, or discovering and knowing what you could be and becoming that.

What we were. We were sinners without hope. Living lives focused on ourselves and our own needs. Seeking after things of this world that are meaningless.

What we are now. We are chosen. We are loved. We are saved. He took us who meant nothing to the world and gave us the gift of knowing Him. He took human beings who many times feel worthless and use them to share the most amazing gift ever given to this world.


God gave us the gift of Jesus. And 1 Corinthians says that Jesus is our righteousness, holiness, and redemption. In the ASV or better know as the "Amanda Standard Version" I think if there were to be another word at the end of this list it would have to be Joy.

It is because of Jesus who died on a cross, sent from God, to become our righteousness, holiness, and redemption, that should give us joy. That God loved us enough to choose me... to choose you, who used to be nothing, and to love us and change us. To send Jesus to be our righteousness because nothing we could ever do could make us stand righteous before God, except for Jesus' willingness to die on the cross... to be our righteousness. Your righteousness and my righteousness. Jesus became our holiness because we used to be filthy in the eyes of God but because of Jesus we are wiped clean and holy. And Jesus to be our redemption because we are redeemed in His sacrifice.

So I think that knowing and learning and filling ourselves with these truths, and pushing aside our own truths, needs, desires, and wants, that nothing could shake us. It's when we stop thinking of joy as happiness that we can be truly joyful. When we are not focused on ourselves but on God is when we can find joy in the hard times that life will throw our way.

So if you don't know my Jesus I hope you will think about Him. I'm still learning and growing, and figuring out how to make all I said a reality in my own life. It's hard. But the other great Truth is God is always there waiting when we are ready to let Him be our Joy. And even when we turn away He doesn't leave. But I can guarantee you, from someone who has looked high and low trying to find her joy in all the wrong things, it's been the times when I've been on track with God that I have been truly joyful. So I pray that as I work hard to find joy in my God all the days of my life, that you who are reading this would try as well.

Be Blessed and thanks for reading
amanda


Everything you would wish to see during one of your trips to Africa and so much more. Make sure you watch the whole thing though... the turn out is pretty funny. It was the perfect girl ending for me though =)
amanda
I had a really great day today =)

Music: Worship team this morning was a good lesson because I think God was using it as a way to trust in Him. First service I broke my pick because I was nervously playing with it during a break. Fortunetley there was one behind me. Second service was the kicker because right before one of the songs the WWJD bracelet holding my guitar strap on broke in the corner and the guitar started falling, lol. So while I'm trying to fix it I'm bumping into everything and Jimmy said he heard me say "oh stink" from where he was sitting =) I think I handled it pretty well even though I was panicking inside, but the whole time I was giving myself a pep talk. No one is perfect, things like this happen to everyone and all you can do is make the best of it. So I did my best to not feel more self concious than I was already feeling, and just shake it off and do my best. I really enjoyed this morning though, it makes me want to get so much better at the guitar. I selfishly can't wait till Jesse's studio is done, because I will be one of his first students to sign up! :-) That way when I write songs I can use more than the 10 chords or so that I only use in my songs. I think more oppurtunities like this might help me get my confidence up a bit.

Christmas: Today my family, the Rentz', Jesse H, Kyle, Rose and her two granddaughters went to the little museam in our town. It's really cute and talks a lot about the towns history. I also had the priveldge of standing on stage for the pre-tree lighting events with the first grade class that I work with because they got chosen to sing, so I got to stand up there with my little guy. Then went to the Burns' open house where I saw my little boyfriend Peter. =) hehe, he's four and so stinkin adorable. I hope to get that pic up tomorrow.








Colorado: The Church shootings... It's just crazy to see how dark sin is and the things humans are capable of. When persecution happens a little closer to home it's amazing how quick I really react and think about things. I need to be thinking and praying more for countries around the world that face even greater turmoil every day, that we in our comfortable american lifestyle are so fortunate to not be faced with. But the more I see the focus on truth being "relative" the more and more I see Jesus being pushed away and talked down upon while other religions are allowed to share as much as they want. I don't understand why in today's school systems that Islam and Budhism can be taught, but when it comes to Christianity everyone avoids it and says it's not okay. It's because the Truth is offensive. Praise God that we know that He wins, and no matter how many people try to wipe Him out of the picture, He created the picture and He will have the last say.
Traveling: Trying to convince my dad to take me to NYC a couple of weekends from now. I've been dying to go. And I might take a little PA trip this weekend to see friends but not sure if I feel like spending the gas money.
Losing Weight: Why is it that when I go to the gym I gain weight and the weeks I miss a few days I lose it? lol... gotta love it, I would love to lose even five pounds before Christmas. That would be amazing. I'm gonna start setting little goals to hopefully avoid being discouraged and I'll update you as the next few weeks unfold.
Birthdays: Two special birthday's this week! Emma and my little brother Nicholas! yay!
Well friends... tomorrow is Monday and it's a new week. Pastor Darin for two weeks now has brought up the observation that this is the time of year when so many people are more open to spiritual things. That really has been tugging at my heart, because I have been so "me-focused" since I've been trying to get back on my feet emotionally. I feel like I haven't been ministry minded enough, and looking to serve people behind the scenes and share my faith enough. That's what I want to work on this week... to try and love people better, and to be a light to those in my work place.
Well I need to get to bed early tonight, maybe we'll have a two hour delay tomorrow? =)
amanda
"Oh God, I turn to you. I'm sorry for being satisfied in everything but You. I've turned away wanting to be loved, but all along you were the greatest love of all"

I had some good conversations tonight. One with a really great woman who is very encouraging, the other with one of my guy friends who has been making me laugh a lot lately.

Loving others is good, loving others is hard sometimes, but loving others is always worth it.

goodnight.