^^^^^^how great is that??? :-)^^^^^

haha... and my mom and I are nothing alike at all :-) this pix. scares me ;-)

after that crazy escapade my family and I went to go watch my 2 favorite guys in the whole world rock it out at a coffee shop. i laughed so hard at pastor darin's rendition of "puff the magic dragon" :-) and mike was amazing as always. the third rocker who added to the "two poor pastor's," affectionatley known as "fluffy" also did a great job.

this weekend was also filled with lots of family time. andrew sang along with me while i played my geetar, i've been trying to get better cuz i love it but i think i need more lessons :-) we also watched "the young sherlock holmes" i love it because I'm big on mysteries although i will admit it is kind of cheesy. I also got to sing this weekend at church, haven't done that in awhile so that was fun. my car to pass inspection needed over $400 dollars worth of work and now my brakes sound horrible, but i made it back here okay... let's just say i am never going to a car place without a guy ever again, i think they like taking advantage of girls who dont have a clue about cars.

So anyways thats the amusing part of my weekend now onto some more serious stuff. Driving home today made me think a lot. I had a hard time saying goodbye to my mom, she hugged me and said "i love you" and i never seem to be able to say that back without crying. so yeah i cried for the first half hour of my drive. I called alyssa though and she prayed with me and yeah she is pretty much the best friend i could ever ask for, and one of the few people who seems to be able to lovingly remind me to give my thoughts, concerns, worries, and tears over to God and has a knack for making me smile when I don't feel like it. It's funny though, I have been so much better with that. In a journal entry i wrote before coming to BBC i said that the #1 thing i wanted to learn how to do is put God first, and to love Him above all else.

today was so good to put that into practice. I pretty much prayed the entire drive, I had a conversation with God as I saw the sunshine hitting the lakes I passed by making them shimmer, and the beautiful colors of the sunset :-) ... God truly blows my mind that even when I am a brat He still blesses me with something so beautiful...

The past few months in every prayer I say now, I always end with "I want your will to be done." So as I cried I gave everything I was feeling to God, I asked Him to take all of my concerns, and as usual God turned my tears into a smile. I popped in Bethany Dillon and at the top of my lungs sang her song "Hallelujah" which talks about no matter what happens in life, no matter how bad it is, how we should ALWAYS sing "hallelujah." i felt much better :-) then i started thinking of the last chapter of Habakkuk that I was reminded of this past week. Habakkuk says,

17 Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, 18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. 19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights." ~Habakkuk 3:17-19

This past year, I have learned something that makes all this pain of missing home worth it. Every time I leave and I feel like my heart is breaking I have trusted in God. I have given Him my heart, and as much as I miss my family and friends, God's will is what I am seeking and I know that deep down that's what I want or I would not be back here at BBC, but I know that for this day He wants me here... sometimes I wonder why, but I know He sees the big picture, and I don't. Even though there are times when I just want to drop everything (and trust me i have felt that quite a bit) I just give it to God. When I was at home before leaving for school I had almost everything I wanted and I never really had to hand over the things most important to me over to God, so I'm glad He is teaching me this lesson even though it's hard. And even though each time I go back to visit the harder it is for me to get in the car to come back to school, yet every time I pull onto the BBC campus I feel God's peace and His smile that I obeyed His command to come back. I just pray that God will give me enough grace to finish off this semester strong and to keep my heart together when I miss my family, my church, and my youth group girls so very much. But as the song by Matthew West says,

"There's only grace There's only love There's only mercy And believe me it's enough Your sins are gone Without a trace There's nothing left now There's only grace"

I know God can give me the grace that I need, I just pray that I continue to keep Him first in my heart.

I love and miss you all already, but God is still good :-)