So maybe I'm writing because I'm once again avoiding the final touches of cleaning my room, and going to switch the laundry downstairs. Or maybe it's because I can say what I'm feeling here when you can't say what you want to out loud.

Today I'm wondering if loving someone ever goes away. Time heals things I suppose. But how much time? When does it come to an end? I suppose not till heaven :-) Praise God that there is no heartache or pain in heaven. But when does everything stop reminding you of someone? When do you stop wishing that things could have turned out differently? When do you stop blasting the same songs over and over and singing at the top of your lungs because you feel that the writers of the lyrics are the only ones who understand perfectly how you feel?



Someone wise once told me that you can't change everything and especially the past, so you just focus on what you have now. So right now, I'm trying to become better. Someone who is more honest. Someone who doesn't always hide how she's feeling. Someone who pours her heart out into music. I'm also someone hoping for a man to come along who wants the job of sweeping me off my feet. Wanting to love me and one who I can be honest with and where he can be honest with me too.

But I've learned you have to be very careful who you give your heart to, because sometimes you don't mean to and it happens. You especially have to be careful because sometimes you don't always get all the pieces back.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart"

Wow, it's been a while. I've had a lot on my mind this past week, and Mr. Griffin's sermon today helped bring it all together. He asked the congregation to help write his sermon by answering the question, "How has God been working in your life?" I knew the answer in my heart, but chose not to share it out loud and spend some time talking to God.

God has been teaching me that flirting with the line of sin and temptation and putting yourself in compromising situations is only bringing you away from Him. That even when you don't want to talk to Him it doesn't mean He goes away. That my heart hurts more when I try to avoid Him, because I never feel whole without knowing that I'm seeking after Him and that I am making Him the center of my life. That the time I spend on meaningless activities does not build me up. I've been learning that my best friendships have good communication. It's the kind of relationship where you can spill your guts to eachother without fear or hesitation. Because good friends listen, cry with you, smile, pray with you, and turn you back to God. Good friends don't make you feel guilty, turn away when things get hard, or try to turn you into someone your not. I am so thankful for those friends. I am thankful that God is the best friend I could ever ask for and that He still sticks around even when I don't pull my weight. I'm learning how meaningful the David Crowder lyrics are to me when he says, "Be all my hopes, Be all my dreams. Be all my delights, be my everything." That God is still my everything even when I wander. That God is gracious, patient and loving. That God is sufficient. That He understands and that He provides great friends to help walk this journey with you.

One of those good friends of mine is Erica. In watching her life I have seen a lot of me in it. Erica is learning and continues to learn what it means to see herself as God sees her. How to love herself even when the thoughts in her head try to tell her differently. She deals with fears and insecurities, but what she doesn't always see is the beautiful person she is. The love she shows towards other people. How creative and thoughtful she is. What a great mom she is, and what a great friend she has been to me. I wrote this song for Erica because she is beautiful and God is doing an amazing work in her even when she doesn't see it. This song reminds me that even though I view myself in a different light than others see me, that I am beautiful in God's eyes. That those people that love me, love me for who I am. Who I am is not what those negative thoughts in my head tell me I am. That my friends don't just love me when I'm having a good hair day or when I'm in a good place emotionally. But when I can't keep away tears, when I'm messy and hurt, and when I feel alone. And most importantly this song reminds me that God has already won the battle, and that I am beautiful because of my Jesus who lives in my heart.

So here are the song lyrics. It all started with a quote I wrote on my blog back in January that said, "what you dwell on is who you are."


Erica's Song
She hides her pretty face from the world
Too scared she won't meet their expectations
Turns out they've always been her own
The little mirror tells her lies
She believes them every word
With no hesitation
Falling fast inside her mind

Chorus:
What you dwell on is who you are
But what you're thinking isn't what you are
For you are loved, a forgiven sinners heart
Push away those thoughts that bring you down
This battle that never seems to end
Is fought and won because of Him
You're beautiful

Little boy says I love you
Mama and everything you do
I'm so grateful
This keeps her holding on
The picture that she sees
Wishing she was better at so many things
She doesn't see it
The woman she's meant to be

Chorus x2

Bridge:
So on that day she sees His dreams
Pushes fear aside and is set free
She'll know, she's beautiful
She'll know she's beautiful
And she'll see, what He has seen
All along

SJ was home this week. It was so good to see him and spend time with him. I also had a great time visiting PA last weekend. It was so great to see friends and it really made me realize how much I miss having people my own age around. I can't stop thinking about change and how quickly life can turn. Today is my baby cousin's first birthday!



I can hardly believe it. Some of the youth group kids are getting their licenses. I'm going to be 21 in a few months. Life just continues on. It's so funny how there are times I wish I could stop it, and other times I wish I could just fast forward. That's where my own selfishness comes in, I want the parts of life that are enjoyable to me.

I just watched a video of one of the guys I went to school with. It was a video of him preaching at youth group. Things like that blow my mind. Some of my friends are going off to be counselors, missionaries, youth pastors, ministering all over the world, working in churches all over the US. It's just so neat to see what God is doing. Anyways, this video really stirred my heart. The phrase he kept using was, "we get to give." What we get and recieve is meant to be given. I'm just sitting here thinking about my life and one of the biggest things I'm thinking about is time. I'm given time, I'm supposed to use the time I've recieved and give it back to God for His glory. How often I waste my time. I should be spending more time with Him.

What am I doing with my life? Am I glorifying God with it? What changes can I make?

These are all questions I'm asking of myself on this new, snowy morning. As much as I can't wait for the snow to end, the fresh snow covers the old dirty snow. I'm so greatful that God doesn't just cover our sins, but He removes them. They are gone and forgiven.

So like the video I saw, what have you been given? And what are you doing with it?

So SJ had told me about this story. A group of guys caught this video on their cell phone. It would be funny except for the fact that one of the guys got so scared he fainted and had to be brought to the hospital. Here's a couple of articles on the story.

Creepy Gnome terrifies villiage

Gnome Terrifies Argentine Town

American Idol: So I have my top 4. David Archuleta, David Hernandez, Chikezie, Carly Smithson. I decided to do some research on the youngin' David Archuleta because I thought I remembered hearing something about a time when he had voice problems. Turns out that one of his vocal chords was paralyzed for awhile, but with the help of his voice teacher he recovered. It's a pretty amazing story. What I was really surprised to discover in my research was that he's mormon. Nonethless he still has an amazing voice even if I don't share the same beliefs. Because unlike an article I had stumbled across that said that catholicism, christianity, and mormonism all have the same core beliefs, I beg to differ. But enough of my tangents it should be an interesting turnout once it gets down to all my favorites. :-)

Josh Bales: I popped his cd back into my CD player for the first time in months. I absolutley love his music, and it's perfect for car rides. I love the accoustic feel of his music and the romantic outlook he takes. But his honesty is what I really love. His lyrics are about God, love, the complexity of relationships, and even some of the fears that come with loving someone. I'm glad I'm able to listen to him again because he's great. I admire him because he is able to share music like that. I write like him. My songs are a way to express the things I have trouble saying, so naturally it's hard to share them. But I'm getting to a point where I can. I'm still shy, my nerves are still there, but it's a process and I'm on the uphill. I actually made something really meaningful to me yesterday. I will get a picture up soon. But while a few of us girls got together to scrapbook I made 1 page that I am going to frame that simply has the words:

Sing,
Dream,
Strum,
Create,
Share...without fear, hesitation, or doubt,
courage

Me: It's pretty exciting that I have now written 8 songs. It's just so neat. Hopefully some of it will be recorded soon so I can get it up here.

3 Chords: My favorite group of guys are playing tomorrow night! You should all go out and watch them.