So tonight I spent time with the Burke family. It was good to spend time with Sarah (their daughter) and pray for John Sr. This family has been through so much. They just lost their son to cancer, Mrs. burke is in remission, and tomorrow John Sr. will be facing his second surgery to remove another brain tumor. It was painful listening to this family struggle with wondering what God is doing. If you think of them pray that God will show up like He did to Job. And pray that John Sr.’s surgery would go even better than expected. It's so crazy how God can make me feel so close to this family when I didn't know anything about them just months before.Being at the Burke household tonight also reminded me about how short life is. That in life sometimes the things we wouldn't even imagine could happen do, and that youth and good health really do not mean anything when thinking about sin and how it has affected this planet. I want to be able to live my life in such a way that I am living it to the fullest for I am not guaranteed a long life.
The past few months I have been struggling with how long God wants me to attend BBC and for all of you who have put up with me talking about it all the time i'm sorry, but i'm gonna talk about it some more :-). Going for four years would be much easier for me in the fact that I could put off a lot of big life altering decisions for another two years, while two would be more “practical” especially since we would be saving $40.000. It’s funny how this seems so little compared to what the Burke’s are facing, but I realized tonight that I have not given this area completely over to God. I am scared at what God will say. Stuck in the middle, fearful that God will say that I need to be away from everything and everyone I love for another two years, yet even more afraid that He will tell me that I am ready to graduate and face the big decisions in life. The truth is I just worry that I am not ready for certain things, and that I will not be good at the roles I hope to have someday. It's amazing how I can want things yet can be afraid of what I want at the same time.
At my Namibia meeting yesterday we did this activity where we paired off with a fellow team mate and were given a list of questions to ask eachother in order to get to know the other person better. The question that has been haunting me was on that list. “What are your dreams???” I know what they are, but I haven’t been able to answer that question honestly till that game because of thinking that if I just admit them to someone else they won’t happen… I know, I’m crazy like that :-)
I have quite a few dreams, some bigger than others, and I think the fact that someone who barely knew me informed me that my dreams were beautiful ended up helping me realize that I would be pretty stupid to cover up all of what I hope for because of fear. If you looked deep inside of me and wanted to see the things I hold closest to my heart, my first dream would be that I want to make God smile. I want to live my life for Him and to bring Him glory, but usually I worry so much about what it is that would bring Him “the most glory” that I run around franticly ignoring all of the little things that cross my path. I also want to work in a church. It was so cool tonight to just spend time with the Burke’s, and to love them and to be able to show my support by praying with them. It makes me realize how I want so badly to somehow be financially supported to just give my life over as a service to others. And I am sure you all can guess what Church I would like to be apart of, it’s been my dream since I was fifteen for some reason :-) I just want to help others in their pain, especially teens, I know that teenage years are especially important when going through problems… and I just pray that God will give me an opportunity to serve Him in a church setting. I also want to get married. I want to marry someone with whom I can serve God alongside and be constantly growing closer to God with. I want the chance to be able to apply all that I have learned about love and marriage, and to live out the godly example that God has laid out. I also want the chance to be a parent, and to experience what I think is one of life's hardest but biggest joys. I so badly desire all of these things, it’s just the giving it over to God and trusting Him that I will be ready in His perfect timing. A friend once told me that we are never truly ready for anything- for marriage, parenthood, etc. He said that sometimes you just need to jump in the pool and start kicking. I think I need to start taking these words to heart. I need to stop letting fear control me, and stop clinging to the edge of the pool fearing to let go that I might drown.
God help me to give my dreams, my schooling, EVERYTHING, over to you… help me to jump into my pool and to kick with all my might, so that I can live my life in a way that will bring glory to you, so that I might actually experience the joy of when you finally realize you can swim instead of clutching onto the concrete edges and never experiencing that joy at all. Help me to trust in you Father, Amen.
I have quite a few dreams, some bigger than others, and I think the fact that someone who barely knew me informed me that my dreams were beautiful ended up helping me realize that I would be pretty stupid to cover up all of what I hope for because of fear. If you looked deep inside of me and wanted to see the things I hold closest to my heart, my first dream would be that I want to make God smile. I want to live my life for Him and to bring Him glory, but usually I worry so much about what it is that would bring Him “the most glory” that I run around franticly ignoring all of the little things that cross my path. I also want to work in a church. It was so cool tonight to just spend time with the Burke’s, and to love them and to be able to show my support by praying with them. It makes me realize how I want so badly to somehow be financially supported to just give my life over as a service to others. And I am sure you all can guess what Church I would like to be apart of, it’s been my dream since I was fifteen for some reason :-) I just want to help others in their pain, especially teens, I know that teenage years are especially important when going through problems… and I just pray that God will give me an opportunity to serve Him in a church setting. I also want to get married. I want to marry someone with whom I can serve God alongside and be constantly growing closer to God with. I want the chance to be able to apply all that I have learned about love and marriage, and to live out the godly example that God has laid out. I also want the chance to be a parent, and to experience what I think is one of life's hardest but biggest joys. I so badly desire all of these things, it’s just the giving it over to God and trusting Him that I will be ready in His perfect timing. A friend once told me that we are never truly ready for anything- for marriage, parenthood, etc. He said that sometimes you just need to jump in the pool and start kicking. I think I need to start taking these words to heart. I need to stop letting fear control me, and stop clinging to the edge of the pool fearing to let go that I might drown.
God help me to give my dreams, my schooling, EVERYTHING, over to you… help me to jump into my pool and to kick with all my might, so that I can live my life in a way that will bring glory to you, so that I might actually experience the joy of when you finally realize you can swim instead of clutching onto the concrete edges and never experiencing that joy at all. Help me to trust in you Father, Amen.
"May I still remind you, God loves you more than anything.
He's growing a rose, purifying the gold. In you He is making something beautiful."
~Michael Knight
Both pictures were taken by my step-dad doug, I think they are beautiful :-)
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Hey!! So good to read about what you have been up to!! :) God bless you as you continue to inspire your readers :)
love,
Heather