Life is a Journey: Jesus commands my destiny

amanda

Wow... it's been awhile, I don't even know where to start....
I have been having so much fun here at BBC, and my month away from the computer was very good for me. Oh and before I forget Happy Birthday Daddy and Alyssa!!! It was their birthday yesterday :-) they are both really old now ;-)

God has been breaking me... sometimes in my spiritual walk I feel like I am on a standstill and I truly feel how horrible and deep my sinful nature is... it reminds me of David Crowder's lyrics to "Wholly Yours"
"But the harder I try, the more clearly can I, feel the depth of our fall and the weight of it all"
There have just been so many times lately when I don't want to pray or talk with God, I would much rather just handle problems on my own, but deep down I don't like doing things without God's help, and I know I need Him. I hate it when I get into moods like that, but every time I come running back to God He will still take me back, and I will never understand that. I think that doubt has a huge part- doubting that God can provide money for me to go to Namibia this summer, doubting God's plan for my future. It just reminds me how little faith I have and how much I need to grow. It's funny how being at a Bible College seems to have put a hindrance on my growth... I'm not sure why, but I felt like I was growing a lot more while I was at home. But God has been using dorm life and experiences at work to stretch me, funny how much you learn outside of a classroom :-)

Speaking of which I have the coolest praise! My manager at work came up to me yesterday and he was asking me questions about my trip and he then informed me that he talked to his family and whatever money that I need in the home stretch that I can't raise he wants to pay for it. This guy is 20 years old! I had finally decided to let God take Namibia two days ago, and my heart stopped hardening and I prayed for God to take this area. I am just stunned of how God works everything in my life out to the good... even when i'm a brat...So yeah... i pretty much cried :-) It's cool to see how much God is using my manager (of all people an unbeliever) to work in my life, and how us BBCers who work with him are trying to build into his life, he's so close to grasping what faith means! He is also the first person ever to confront me and ask me what my problem towards men is. I guess I didn't realize that I put off this vibe, and it's really cool that he cared enough to ask me that, because since then I have been changing at warp speed in that area. God put me in a class of all guys for what I thought was punishment, but now I see its for healing. Although at times I half expect these amazing men to turn around and suddenly turn evil (hehe, i know! im ridiculous!) God has truly been teaching me that not all guys are bad. I'm even going to be meeting with a counselor from my church when I am home on spring break, for those of you that know me I have been avoiding that step for 10 years!!! it is cool to see how far God is bringing me, and my manager doesn't know this but he is turning into a big brother and I am so thankful that God put him in my life to give me a smack upside the head :-)

Well this is all the updating I'm gonna do for now... it's been awhile so I will leave you with some pix, quotes, and song lyrics that have really touched my heart this past month...

love you all and it's good to join my fellow bloggers again :-)
Be blessed!

"I went away from thee, my God, in my youth I strayed too far from thy sustaining power, and I became to myself a barren land... And you sent your hand from above, and raised my soul out of the depth of darkness"
~Saint Augustine's "Confessions"

"May we be poor in spirit so that we may be rich in grace."
~President Jeffrey

"No guilt in life, no fear in death, this is the power of Christ in me.
From life's first cry, to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of Hell, no scheme of man,
can ever pluck me from His hand...."

Rest in Peace Rick Moore 3/2/06
Rick Moore died from Cancer and he was a dorm dad and led BBC's security. I have never met this man, but he died as I with about three hundred other BBC students gathered around Vibbard dorm with Rick inside and we sang and prayed for Him. They read something Rick wrote about how he was thankful God gave him cancer because he never would have known his savior like he did when he was struggling. There was not a dry eye that night as we all realized how selfish we all were, and how even in this difficult time Rick's faith strengthened. We helped usher Rick into Paradise as he took his last breath as we sang "It is well with my soul." I pray that I will have half the faith that Rick had.