Sitting on the window seat in the corner, I felt like I was intruding on the precious moment that enfolded before me. She held his hand and leaned in to kiss him, but by the look on his face the length of the kiss could never be long enough. She stroked his beard, his hand, and his arm, but because of the many surgeries he had been through everything tickled. They smiled at each other with such love, and the softness in their eyes communicated years of learning each other. He found strength in her eyes. They forgot we were in the room as they became lost in a moment where every look and feeling was memorized, each touch she treasured knowing fully well that it could be her last.
The intelligence he once had has been hindered due to the brain tumor, and surgeries. Having lost a son only months before, due to a different type of brain tumor, only added to the pain of having to do this all over again. The focus that once came so easily to him was lost as his answers to questions were ramblings about napkins. The shake in his hands was new, yet the sparkle and humorous spirit he always had still came shining through despite the illness attacking his body. This family that has been through so much has made their way into so many hearts, and the eight of us seated in a horseshoe shape around his bed were just a few examples.
Looking around the room at the others around me, I could assess how they were feeling from a few simple actions. Some appeared to be used to these visits, comfortable in doing whatever they could to help. Others looked up when they could and offered the occasional compassionate smile, but for most of the time had widened eyes that always made their way back to the floor or the bed where safety was found in not having to meet anyone else’s eyes. He kept asking about his children, and she kept using every ounce of strength in her to reassure him that everything was fine.
The elders surrounded his bed in the hospice house lifting up heartfelt prayers to the only one who can heal and bring comfort to this family. The oil that was anointed on him, right over his scar where surgeons intruded his body, felt cold on his forehead. Even with such a negative diagnosis, this family’s faith and love is still so strong. Even though this man has been deemed by doctors to have only a few short weeks left, he cares more about the needs of his family.
I feel selfish and scared. Selfish because I worry so much about myself. I wonder and wait for a love like I witnessed tonight, I am anxious about going back to school, and I often get emotional and disappointed when life doesn’t meet my expectations. I’m scared because I am in control of nothing. I cannot control the way another person feels or make them believe any different. I am an emotional mess most of the time going through life just trying to put one foot in front of the other because nothing in life makes sense.
I was shamed tonight. Shamed because this couple is at such a low point in life, yet they love deeper, care more about others than themselves, and treasure each moment in ways I could only dream. I just pray that I could live the journey and have a Faith where even death won’t shake it, and seize every moment like this husband and wife. God has a plan for this situation and for every aspect of life no matter how great or small. God is faithful and I know that He is going to continue showing up in this hard time.
I touched his shoulder on the way out, and held his hand for a moment as I said goodbye. I left the room to leave them to treasure more moments together, but all I have learned and the burden I have for this family stays with me. I praise God for this man of faith who loves his wife so much. Life is so short and seeing how they truly take the most out of every moment gives me courage to do the same. I pray for another chance to eavesdrop on another precious moment that will leave me forever changed, but until then I leave my window seat, and step outside into the world knowing the changes I must make. But the love I witnessed makes me realize that it is more than worth it and that I would choose no other way.
****************************************************
I wrote this after getting home from visiting this family tonight, who keeps blessing me more than they will ever know. Please keep the Burke family in your prayers, and pray with the faith of knowing that God can heal this man whether in this life, or when he gets his new body in the next.
The intelligence he once had has been hindered due to the brain tumor, and surgeries. Having lost a son only months before, due to a different type of brain tumor, only added to the pain of having to do this all over again. The focus that once came so easily to him was lost as his answers to questions were ramblings about napkins. The shake in his hands was new, yet the sparkle and humorous spirit he always had still came shining through despite the illness attacking his body. This family that has been through so much has made their way into so many hearts, and the eight of us seated in a horseshoe shape around his bed were just a few examples.
Looking around the room at the others around me, I could assess how they were feeling from a few simple actions. Some appeared to be used to these visits, comfortable in doing whatever they could to help. Others looked up when they could and offered the occasional compassionate smile, but for most of the time had widened eyes that always made their way back to the floor or the bed where safety was found in not having to meet anyone else’s eyes. He kept asking about his children, and she kept using every ounce of strength in her to reassure him that everything was fine.
The elders surrounded his bed in the hospice house lifting up heartfelt prayers to the only one who can heal and bring comfort to this family. The oil that was anointed on him, right over his scar where surgeons intruded his body, felt cold on his forehead. Even with such a negative diagnosis, this family’s faith and love is still so strong. Even though this man has been deemed by doctors to have only a few short weeks left, he cares more about the needs of his family.
I feel selfish and scared. Selfish because I worry so much about myself. I wonder and wait for a love like I witnessed tonight, I am anxious about going back to school, and I often get emotional and disappointed when life doesn’t meet my expectations. I’m scared because I am in control of nothing. I cannot control the way another person feels or make them believe any different. I am an emotional mess most of the time going through life just trying to put one foot in front of the other because nothing in life makes sense.
I was shamed tonight. Shamed because this couple is at such a low point in life, yet they love deeper, care more about others than themselves, and treasure each moment in ways I could only dream. I just pray that I could live the journey and have a Faith where even death won’t shake it, and seize every moment like this husband and wife. God has a plan for this situation and for every aspect of life no matter how great or small. God is faithful and I know that He is going to continue showing up in this hard time.
I touched his shoulder on the way out, and held his hand for a moment as I said goodbye. I left the room to leave them to treasure more moments together, but all I have learned and the burden I have for this family stays with me. I praise God for this man of faith who loves his wife so much. Life is so short and seeing how they truly take the most out of every moment gives me courage to do the same. I pray for another chance to eavesdrop on another precious moment that will leave me forever changed, but until then I leave my window seat, and step outside into the world knowing the changes I must make. But the love I witnessed makes me realize that it is more than worth it and that I would choose no other way.
****************************************************
I wrote this after getting home from visiting this family tonight, who keeps blessing me more than they will ever know. Please keep the Burke family in your prayers, and pray with the faith of knowing that God can heal this man whether in this life, or when he gets his new body in the next.
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I can't keep the tears from rolling down my face as I read this. That was beautiful Amanda.