I have been feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelemed with where God has me, what my summer plans will look like, financial struggles, and just my mind. This past week I have had some of the best conversations with a great friend. He listened to me talk about my struggles about feeling older and struggling with being in school when my desires and heart is just not there. It was so cool to hear from someone who felt the same way in college, feeling like he didn't belong and that everyone surrounding him was immature. I don't know why God makes me feel like I belong the most around my friends who have at least 3 years on me (hehe, starting with jesse), but I am starting to realize that I need to stop treating the way I am feeling like this is an annoying curse, and embrace it more. I don't know why God has matured me so quickly the past few years or why he has brought me to this point in my life where I think of the seniors here in a youth ministry perspective :-) (oh boy), but I need to start treating this as a blessing. I need to continue to grow and live life as an example... the kind of example laid out in 2 Timothy and to not worry about my own desires so much but to love the people around me. I am very thankful for that reminder, thanks jace :-)
This weekend I am going home again for Easter. I'm excited... but I am kind of in shock that my first year of college is coming to an end. Although I have few childhood memories I remember being in kindergarden and asking my mom how many years of school there were, and she told me 12 years and then college. Hard to believe that I made it through those 12 years, I just wish that I had more of a desire to be here at times. I have been told all my life that the good thing to do is to finish high school and go to college, I just wish at times I didn't feel like I should be here simply because it's what your "supposed to do."
This weekend though we are having a "family meeting" and we are going to be sitting down and making some decisions. My family has recognized how overwhelming a year this has been so I think there will be lots of prayer and hopefully a plan so I can settle my heart on some things. In my principles of bible study class, my professor Dr. Emert put on his power point this statement....
This weekend I am going home again for Easter. I'm excited... but I am kind of in shock that my first year of college is coming to an end. Although I have few childhood memories I remember being in kindergarden and asking my mom how many years of school there were, and she told me 12 years and then college. Hard to believe that I made it through those 12 years, I just wish that I had more of a desire to be here at times. I have been told all my life that the good thing to do is to finish high school and go to college, I just wish at times I didn't feel like I should be here simply because it's what your "supposed to do."
This weekend though we are having a "family meeting" and we are going to be sitting down and making some decisions. My family has recognized how overwhelming a year this has been so I think there will be lots of prayer and hopefully a plan so I can settle my heart on some things. In my principles of bible study class, my professor Dr. Emert put on his power point this statement....
"Decision determines direction and direction determines destiny."
It took me about 15 minutes to get the courage to ask this professor whom I admire the question on my heart. This man is in his eighties and he holds so much wisdom. As I asked my question his kind eyes seriously made me have to hold back my tears. I told him that this statement scares me. I asked him how do you make decisions? Is it really biblical that if we don't feel God's pull in a certain direction to just do what we want and God will bless us as we take a leap of faith. He responded "sure" then he did something I will never forget he puts his hand in the air so his thumb is up. He starts by pointing at his thumb then continues giving each finger a simple statement of wisdom. He said you consider these things...
will your decision violate God's word?
prayer life?
consider your circumstances
good people your surrounded by
peace
He then took his hand and flipped it over so that his thumb was down. pointing to his pinky in the now number one spot representing peace, he said "this should never come first it comes with time." All of this really hit me and I think it will come in handy this weekend. So if you think of it pray for me this weekend that God will give me discernment as I decide on some things and that I will be able to take the steps of faith that I want to take but sometimes hold back from.
Also pray for me as I travel home this weekend. My brakes are not doing so hot, and alyssa had to change her plans also to come and bring her car home because she is having some serious car trouble also. We have cell phones and I have triple A so we'll be good but prayer for safe travel would be amazing. We are leaving around 6 and should arrive after midnight sometime Lord willing.
anyways...Thanks for putting up with my rambling thoughts. It's nice to have friends who love me enough to put up with my crazy mind and what goes on inside it, I appreciate it :-)
Love you all and I can't wait to see you guys soon :-) I think one of the things I miss most about being far away is not getting a hug from someone who knows me and has been there for me for a long time. I think getting a hug from someone who is a friend like that is a feeling like no other. So I really just want a big hug right now.
~Amanda
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