So... I've been thinking.... :-) What else is new? I graduate in ten days, I can't even tell you how much that blows my mind. What a crazy, amazing, up and down two years it's been. After Banquet my good friend Mary and I went to my aunt's house for the weekend. One night we were out in the hottub and we just talked about life and God and how He has been working. We talked about ministry and how God has been preparing us for it. But most of all we talked about how blessed we are that God opened our eyes to the truth. Looking up at the moon through the trees I found myself thinking for the millionth time, "how can people not see?" And then I have to remember that I didn't used to always be able to see either. Yet God chose to open my eyes and what a humbling thing that is.
I also can't escape this quote:
"By leading the students to a place where they experienced their emotions with God, not just in a spiritual context..." ~Richard R. Dunn "Shaping the Spiritual Lives of Students"
Ever since I read this quote it has stuck with me because I realized how much I need to improve in this area. And it's not just with emotions- but my actions, my activities, my all. How much of my life is spent living and then in turn applying the "spritual context" to whatever is going on? Yet in reality there should be no difference... my life/my everything should be already living out the spiritual context because I am experiencing life with God. What an amazing concept that seems so simple, but I struggle with it.
So basically I'm just in awe of a God that made my favorite flower that I got to enjoy at my aunt's house this weekend, and who opened my eyes to the Truth . That I am His beloved child and that He loves me. That He made me just the way I am for a reason, that I have the gifts and abilities I have at the levels they are for a reason. That even though I'm about to step out into a new phase of my life, probably teaching some little ones, something I never ever would have planned for myself, God has been preparing me for it all. I'm thankful that God sees past age, and what I think I can accomplish because He knows how great He is and what He can do in my life.
Thank you Father for loving me.
Random Shot From Campus Appreciation Day
BANQUET!!!!!!My Dress
To be honest, keeping God in my life as my best friend, the love of my life is so hard. I was thinking about the characteristics of a close friend- they listen to you, they encourage you, they give of themselves, they spend time with you, they continue to love the same regardless of what you do. The relationship is reciprocle in sharing deeply what's on your heart along with listening to what the other has to say. You cannot have one without the other. I am almost done with a thirty hour famine that I started yesterday. And quite honestly this has been the best thing I have done in quite some time. I knew that if I did this I would want to give it everything I had. God has only continued to put more of a passion and burden on my heart for suffering people, as to the purpose of this famine. To raise money for starving children, and experiencing in the tiniest way what their lives might be like, but I have not even come close to experiencing that. Part of me wants to keep going because I have seen the beauty of needing God and needing God alone. That when you take away a distraction, or such a normal everyday thing like eating, it gives you more ears to listen and even more a desire to cling because it is so different. I had such a great night and have had such a great afternoon thus far. I needed to refuel. I have found myself in the past couple of weeks getting angry quicker, not being slow to speak, having a bad attitude at times, and being really anxious. I knew it was because I wasn't having good quality God time, but I had too many excuses- school, work, friends, being too tired, and the list goes on. Yet even with the excuses I always felt this longing to spend time with God that I never gave into.If anyone were to have observed my life the past couple of weeks they would have never known that God was my best friend. That shames me because it is my heart's desire. But I am continuing to recognize that even our hearts desires can be sinful. I am learning that I need to constantly be assessing myself with this question, Is my desire to let God change me for God? Or is it for myself or someone else? Spending so much time with God gives me even more of a desire to be with Him and learn more. It makes sense. When someone is a close friend that you love, the more and more you learn about eachother the more you want to spend time together. God already knows everything about me, and yet He gives me new chances everyday. How great of a love that is! It just hit me that I need to be giving so much more of myself. I need to be pouring out my heart, and being a good listener. These things come easily to me in human friendships, but not so easy with God. God is the best friend I ever could have, the best love I ever could have. How often I find myself turning astray. I feel like I have grown more the past 27 hours than I have in some time. What happened to my love to commune with God? To journal to Him, to pray, to sing songs of praise? All I know is that I got too caught up with life, and God helped me rekindle so much of that this weekend. My next step: to be becoming a better friend everyday to the best friend I could ever have. That means spending quality time in God's word, not just reading a couple of chapters a night as I fall to sleep. I need to be learning more about my God, and then in turn He will take care of everything else. He will be shaping my heart into something more beautiful so that it would bring glory to Him. I just pray that when people would look at me or get to know me that they would see a genuine love for God, and a thankful joyful spirit. How easy it can be that all the joy of a life with God can be sucked away when you focus on what you don't have, instead of all the amazing things that you do have, only by God's blessing.Oh God how I long to have even the slightest hint of beauty in me that is evergrowing that would bring praise, glory and honor to You."The Lord your God will delight in you if you obey His voice and keep the commands and laws written in this book of the law, and if you turn to the Lord your God with all your heart and soul." ~Deuteronomy 30:10
"The calmer of the sea~ here in this room with me~ So gently welcoming~ the weakest things in me~You are the blood over~ the door of my heart~ What pain you spared me from, How could I know it all? Oh wonderful love You died for me. The power of Your life is in me. ~Father, let your light shine down on me. Father, let your light shine down on me. No matter what the day or night may bring. Father, let your light shine down on me. ~Oh Jesus, You became~ what was my deepest shame~That at your very name~ my calloused heart would change~How could You, perfect One~love me when I have done~nothing that's worthy of~ my freedom You have won~Open up the heavens~Pour down Your spirit~hold me God~ Jesus, wherever You lead~ I'll sing harmony~ Hold me God." ~Bethany Dillon
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